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see you like this.” He stroked her cheek and she turned her face away. “You and Seymor intervened so I could get treatment. Now YOU need treatment. It's not your fault. My condition was partly my own fault for getting involved with the Lexalese in the first place. Your's isn't -- your body chemistry is having difficulty adjusting, now that Nicky's born. It's affecting your brain. Suki -- I know you don't want to be like this. Let's go to the doctor and get it fixed.”

“I won't take drugs.”

“Maybe your doctor should decide that.”

“I said I'm not taking drugs. Now, go away and leave me alone.”

Nyk returned to the lower level. “It kills me to see her that way.”

“I was worse. I'd hear voices -- voices telling me I was evil -- taunting voices.” She looked away. “Voices imploring me to kill myself or run away. I remember as if it were yesterday.”

“Do you think she's hearing voices?”

“I don't think so -- yet. I hope she can get treatment before she gets that bad. I do think it's better for Nicky to be out of that environment.”

“Do you think she'd harm him?”

“Through neglect, perhaps. I don't think she'd deliberately hurt him.”

“She doesn't want to see the doctor. I want it to be her decision -- I'm afraid if we intervene she'll resist even more. We'll have to wait until something snaps and she sees the need herself.”

“Or until something snaps and she has no choice.” Yasuko nodded. “That's what I'm afraid of, Nick. I'm happy to care for Nicky. I wish someone had been here to care for Sukiko when she was his age.”

Nyk carried a cardboard carton up the steps to the Tribeca office building. Seymor greeted him at the door. “Your first set of cultures.”

“I'll take care of the rendezvous with the packet.”

Nyk handed Seymor a slip of paper. “My first set of hours.”

Seymor scanned the sheet. “How many?”

“Thirty.”

“I'll write you a check.” He beckoned Nyk to his desk and withdrew a ledger-sized checkbook.

“Make it out to Nick Kane.” Seymor glared up at him. “Sorry.”

Seymor tore the check from the book. “Here, lad. It's a bargain. Have a seat.” Nyk sat. “Kronta suspects you're offworld. He's trying to figure out how you did it. He told me if he finds Service people helped you, they'd regret it. They'll spend the rest of their careers swabbing the decks of slow freighters.”

“No one in the Service helped me.”

“They've located a rather hapless comm technician who recalls helping an unknown ExoAgent named Nemo repair a shuttlecar. Nemo, Nyk?” Seymor squinted. “Nemo?”

“I hope they don't punish Zoa. She didn't know.”

“Zoa's been interrogated...”

“With truth drug? She's innocent, Seymor.”

“They know that, now. I hope for your sake you never need to make a transit through that relay station when she's on board. Kronta called again yesterday afternoon. He'd like to speak to you -- off the record.”

“Would it help?”

“I can't see how it would hurt, Nyk. I'll place the call.”

“All right, see if Kronta's available.”

Seymor sat behind his computer. He said a few words and beckoned Nyk behind his desk.

“Nykkyo,” Kronta said. “I thought you were offworld. How did you get there?”

“I found my own way.”

“We must know how you did it. You seemingly vanished from the face of Floran.”

Nyk shook his head. “Sorry, Illya.”

“Someone had to have helped you. Who was it?” Nyk shook his head again. “At least tell me if it involved Service people.”

“Maybe it did and maybe it didn't.”

“Nyk, believe me when I tell you I was making some progress with your case. I'm afraid your action has set back your cause.”

“It's done my cause fine. I arrived here in time to be with Suki when she delivered her baby.”

“You know Tomyka will send enforcers after you.”

“I'll take my chances.”

“Nyk, I'd like you to consider returning here and working with me to clear your name. It can't happen so long as you're a fugitive. Turning yourself in would mitigate the damage you've done.”

“The status of my name on that world means little to me, Illya. I don't think we have any more to discuss.” The vidphone session went dark.

“I see that conversation was leading nowhere,” Seymor said.

“Maybe speaking with him was a mistake.”

“He is on your side, lad. I trust him. Please, Nyk...”

“What, Seymor? Turn myself in?”

Seymor shook his head. “Be careful. Are you still wearing that bracelet?” Nyk held up his arm and pulled back his cuff. “Watch your back, lad.”

“I'll be careful. I must be on my way.”

“Wait, lad...” Seymor handed him a package wrapped in colorful paper. “For the baby.”

Nyk sat at the kitchen table cradling Nicky in his arm. He stroked the infant's hair. “Look -- he's tracking my finger.” Nyk brought his finger to Nicky's face and touched his lips. Nicky opened his mouth and began sucking Nyk's finger.

“Here, give him this,” Yasuko said and handed Nyk a bottle of formula. “Did a night to herself help her at all?”

“I don't think so.” He stroked Nicky's cheek as he nursed. “Look how fast he goes.” The boy reached and gripped the bottle. “I've never seen him nurse so vigorously.” Nyk smiled. “Listen to him.”

“I'm surprised he's gaining weight. Like I said, her milk's drying up. He's hungry.”

“It must be the formula you're sneaking him.” Nyk kissed his forehead. “Okay, buddy, time for a lie-down in your luxury chair.” He set Nicky into the infant seat. “What do you think, Yasuko? Is it time to intervene?”

“I think it might be past time.”

“Maybe I should call and make an appointment for her.” Yasuko nodded. “Well, off to the lab.”

Yasuko opened her arms to him and he embraced her. “I'll see you tonight.” He headed out the front door. His eyes fell upon two men standing on the sidewalk. One held a green card and the other was pointing at the house. Nyk made eye contact for an instant and headed for the corner.

Nyk opened an incubator, looked at the potato cultures and decided they were ready for transport to the homeworld. He set up a wire rack, loaded it with empty polymer stasis capsules and began transferring the cultures. When all the capsules were filled he loaded them into a stasis canister. The lid went on, he switched it to an internal power cell and packed it into a cardboard carton addressed to the FloranCo operative in Kansas City.

He picked up the phone and ordered pickup service from an overnight delivery company. His laptop computer signaled an incoming message from Seymor listing more requests from the plant breeders. Nyk sat and began looking for suppliers for the material.

A knock came at the door. Nyk turned the package over to the express driver. He looked at the clock, noted his hours and began packing up the laptop computer. It was a five block walk to the Kyhana household. He slipped on a jacket, locked the lab and trudged down the street.









12 -- I Feel Like I've Been Through a War



“Yasuko, it's Nick,” he called as he walked into the house. He saw George sitting in the living room.

“She stepped out. How's the consultation going?”

“It's going well. Did Suki go out, too?”

“No, she's upstairs.”

“Did Yasuko take Nicky?”

“He's upstairs also.”

Nyk trotted up the steps to the apartment. He opened the door and saw Suki sleeping in a ball on the sofa. He opened the door to the nursery and looked in. The crib was empty.

He went to Suki and shook her. “Suki ... korlyta ... wake up.”

She opened her eyes. “Nick? Oh, Nick, you're home.” He held her.

“Where's Nicky?” Suki gave him a blank look. “Suki, where is Nicky?”

“The bathtub!”

Nyk ran into the bathroom. Nicky was lying in the plastic tub that served to bathe him. He was on his back in about two inches of water. Nyk picked him up.

“He's cold -- his lips are blue!” Nyk listened to his chest. “He's alive.” He grabbed a towel and wrapped the infant. “George! George!” Nyk called down the stairs.

“Yes, Nick?”

“Do we have a heating pad?”

“I'll bring one up.”

Nyk turned to Suki. “How long was he in there?” She stared at the floor. “Suki, how long was he in there?”

“I ... I don't know. I was bathing him ... the phone rang ... I must've forgotten about him.”

George walked into the apartment with the heating pad. Nyk plugged it in and wrapped it around Nicky.

George shook his head. “I'll send Yasuko up when she comes in.”

“Didn't he cry?” Nyk asked.

“I ... I ... Nick, I can't hear him cry! I tune him out. Do you see what a basket case I am?” She collapsed on the sofa, sobbing.

Nicky's color began to return. He started shivering and attempted to cry. “Here. Take him.”

“No! I can't.”

“Take him. I'm going to check downstairs for a bottle.”

“I'll feed him.” She started to open her gown.

“No.” Nyk returned with a half-filled bottle. He took Nicky and began feeding him. “This is warmer than body temperature -- to get some heat into him from the inside.” He held and stroked Nicky as he began to nurse enthusiastically. “He's starting to warm up. I think he'll be all right.” Nyk looked at Suki. “Now are you ready to see your doctor?”

“I don't want to take any drugs. They scare me.”

“This scared ME!”

“I'm afraid of psychoactive drugs. They change things in your brain.”

“You have things wrong in your brain. Changing them is the whole point!”

“Oh, Nick. I'm trying ... Please give me just a little more time.”

Nyk stepped into the kitchen and saw Yasuko. “George told me what happened. We're so lucky you came home when you did.” She looked into his eyes. “Nick, what happened today ... was exactly what happened to me. Sukiko must've been about three months old and I left her in the tub.” Tears ran down her face. “George had me committed the next day.”

“No one's going to commit Suki. I'll talk to her about seeing her doctor. If she thinks putting her into a hospital is the right thing, we'll do it.”

“You have more patience than George.” Nyk held her and kissed her forehead. “I still have mixed feelings about what he did. On the one hand, it was what I needed to heal.” She sobbed. “But, I felt so abandoned!”

“I'm not abandoning Suki,” he said as he stroked her hair. “I'm not leaving her side.”

“Are you having dinner with us?”

“I'll take a tray upstairs, if that's okay.”

“Fine, Nick.” She placed some bowls on a bamboo tray and handed it to him.

Nyk carried it upstairs. He found Suki in their bedroom nursing Nicky. “Just finishing up,” she said. He took the baby from her and propped him with pillows between himself and Suki. Nicky smiled at him. He handed her a bowl and chopsticks.

“I am feeling better. I only cried once today.”

Nyk shook his head. “Please don't deny it. You need to see your doctor.”

“I said I'm feeling better.”

“Suki, after what I came home to -- I must insist you make an appointment to see your doctor. You don't have to see a psychotherapist -- I'm sure your obstetrician can help you.”

“Give me a chance, will you?”

“What harm is it to talk to your doctor? Tell her what you're going through. It's not your fault, Suki. There's something wrong with your brain chemistry.”

“I'll make a deal with you. If I'm not better in a couple of days, I'll make the appointment. Okay?”

Nyk looked at her. “Okay.” He set the bowls on the tray and carried it to the living room. “I'll change him and put him downstairs,” he said as he picked up Nicky.

Nyk returned to the bedroom and stretched out on the bed. He slipped his arm around Suki. “It's sweet of your mom to care for him until you're feeling better.”

“It's sweet of her to care for you, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you know what I mean. You should be proud of me -- I'm holding our relationship to Floran standards, too.”

“What are

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