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stand on the ledge all goddamn night.

A few Brightsiders took notice from across the Square.

I remained perfectly still, wondered who else was watching me openly oppose a Council sanction. The seconds ticked and the wind whipped, threatened to tip me over the edge. The longer I stood, the more ridiculous it got. I was being childish and irresponsible. I had a job to get back to, at least for a while, and I had the plan.

And then all of a sudden a woman shrieked from behind. “Joe! Don’t!”

I turned to see who it was and my right shoe went back too far, the heel hanging off the ledge taking my weight with it. Sara screamed my name again and ran toward me from the doorway. I began to fall.

Everything switched to slow motion. My arms wheeling, Sara running, no way she’d make it in time.

I lowered my center of gravity and leaned forward, but my right shoe slipped off, took my left foot and the rest of me with it. I threw my arms out and they slammed onto the ledge, my chin bouncing off the concrete with a loud crunch. Blood filled my mouth.

I thought I might make it then my weight pulled me down, nothing for my hands to grab on. Sara kept running, about ten feet away, the sharp corner digging into my fingertips.

Like I wasn’t trying to with everything I had, Sara shouted, “Hold on, Joe! Hold on!”

I blocked the pain and scissored the air trying to find the wall in front of me. My grip was almost gone, fingers bleeding, feet coming up short.

Sara skidded to a stop and grabbed hold of my hands just as my fingers gave way. My right hand slipped through hers, but she held onto my left, her nails sinking into my forearm.

She yanked on my arm with both hands, but I was dropping inch by inch. I threw up my right hand and gripped the outside of the ledge. It stopped my descent, but it wouldn’t last long. My weight had already pulled Sara to the ledge and if I didn’t do something, I’d be taking her with me.

I kicked my legs one more time and my right foot struck the smooth brick. There was a loud snap like concrete cracking and gravity kept pulling me down, but I held on, the tips of both shoes now pressed against the wall.

I was about to push off and up the wall, my one final shot, when Sara gasped and fell forward, losing her grip. Her shin smashed into the ledge an inch from my nose, a split second before my straining neck lost the battle and my head was pulled over the edge, my cheek dragged across the rough concrete.

I couldn’t see anything but the wall in front of me. I flung my hand where I’d last seen Sara and clutched at the air. My fingers touched fabric and grabbed. “Pull, Sara! Pull!”

Sara grunted and took off some of the pressure. I dug the tips of my shoes into the wall and kicked off and up.

My head popped over the ledge and I slammed my face against the concrete, used it to pry myself forward. There was a loud rip and my hand fell against the ledge, Sara’s sleeve beneath it.

I heaved up with everything I had as Sara pulled and grunted and pulled again. Finally, I was on my back, the wet roof feeling so good. Safe.

Neither of us said a word, our ragged breathing saying it all. I tried to catch my breath and stared at the gray skies. When I was able to sit, I put my back against the ledge. Sara sat beside me.

I was too embarrassed to look at her and I hated myself for ripping her blouse and hurting her leg. I grabbed hold of my pants to stop shaking. Everything was numb, no pain anywhere, but I’d feel it later. All the blood and scraped skin promised that.

Once I could speak, I said, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“How’d you...?”

“Danny called me. He said you were...”

“I wasn’t going to jump.”

“I get that now.”

Sara felt stupid, knowing she almost got me killed. She’d run right up after Danny’s call, terrified I was going to take the plunge like Paul.

She’d come to Brightside thinking that Danny was all that mattered, but then she had to go and meet me, the only person who’d ever been nice to her brother.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away,” she said.

I tried to lighten the mood. “I’m just glad you didn’t push me up here.”

We sat there awkwardly. I knew there were people down below who must have seen what just happened. I knew there were people down there that were probably laughing their asses off. I wondered if Krystal was down there laughing, too. And Wayne.

Sara said, “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

“Which makes you a bigger idiot.”

“Yeah...”

I’d thrown up my middle fingers to get caught.

“I hate that I met you, Joe. I really do. I don’t want my life to be complicated. I just want things to be normal. For once in my stupid life. But...”

I took Sara’s face, turned it ever so slightly, that cute little bump in her nose, those eyes. My lips pressed against hers.

Some kisses are just the prelude to sex. Others are simply a kind gesture, a more intimate thank you. But every so often, a kiss silences everything. The universe just collapses and obliterates your silly existence. You realize everything you’d been holding onto was plastic, stupid, just a distraction. Like Rachel. I didn’t love her, never did. I just wanted someone to hold, press against. She never felt like this. Not like Sara.

Die or escape weren’t my only two options. There was a third. Stay here in Brightside. With Sara and Danny.

I thanked her for the kiss, for putting up with me, for saving my life. I figured I might not see them for a while. My stunt would be a ticket straight to the Cabin.

Sara squeezed my hand and assured me everything would be alright.

Sara’s entire arm was bare without her sleeve.

“Sorry about the shirt. I’ll get you a new one,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it. We should get back.”

It took me a second to get to my feet, the pain finally settling in. I wanted to thank Sara for being so calm, but all I could think of was how I couldn’t even afford to buy her a blouse.

Sara stood, her shin all bloody. “I’ll be okay.”

We made our way down the stairs, my legs shaky. Not just from almost falling. But from the kiss.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

That voice. Not Sara’s. Hardly human. Crazed, deadly.

Rachel’s.

She stood at the bottom of the stairwell. Sara’s eyes glanced at me, scared. I told her to go and she went.

Rachel pinned me up against the wall. “What the fuck were you doing? Everyone saw you!”

“I know. I’m an idiot.”

Rachel’s eyes narrowed. She raised her hand. I thought she was going to hit me, but she just wiped my lip with her thumb. Pink. Little flecks of glitter. Sara’s lipstick.

Rachel’s mind bubbled with rage. Sara’s sweet neck in her hands.

“It’s not what you think.” The dumbest thing I’d ever said, because it was exactly that and so much more.

“I see...” Rachel trailed off, tiny steps back. She bumped into the wall, jerked forward.

“Rachel, calm down.”

She started pulling at her hair. Spinning round and round. I tried to touch her, but she threw off my hand. Her frantic thoughts came in flashes. Us making love. The Boots dragging her away. Krystal underneath me. Sheila telling her everything, the stupid bitch who promised she wouldn’t. I was pouring water in her mouth at the Cabin. I was telling her we could escape together, that I loved her.

Everything closing in. The darkness. Hurt. Anger. Everything but hope. That was gone. Nothing but the vile truth.

Rachel threw open the door, ran. I chased, but I couldn’t catch her. Then Carlos grabbed my arm. Demarius grabbed my other. Rachel kept running, crying, broken once again because of me.

“Let go of me!” I shouted.

“Naw, bro,” Demarius said. “You’re gonna see Sharon.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

AFTER SITTING IN THE waiting room for an hour, Demarius brought me in and threw me in the chair. He asked Sharon if she wanted him to stick around. Sharon said no, it was fine. Demarius closed the door and I sat there staring at her stupid Zen waterfall.

Sharon’s mantra ran at full volume, caused my fists to clench. Unable to listen another second, I said, “Why don’t you just send me to the Cabin?”

“Is that what you want?”

“Since when do I have a choice?”

“You chose to go up to the roof, showing everyone what you were capable of. A big F.U. to all of this.”

I didn’t understand why Demarius had taken me and not the Boots. I didn’t see one of those assholes the entire walk over. They never missed a chance to crack down on an infraction.

“Would you like me to call them?”

The Boots.

I just kept chewing on the inside of my cheek.

“Getting caught makes things easier, doesn’t it? Takes away any responsibility?”

I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I figured she was trying to probe. I focused on Rachel and Sara, even Krystal. I thought about every dirty thing I’d done and thought.

Sharon looked disappointed. Not disgusted. Not angry. Just sad.

Something was different about her. She wasn’t spewing her New Age bullshit, just sat there waiting for me to speak. My mind started to drift to the cave, but I refocused. Thought about Danny, my drawings, the non-existent fish in the pond. I forced thoughts of Steven, bald and frail in his white room. The picture of the swan.

“Joe.”

“What?”

You can trust me.

I hadn’t even been thinking about the escape, but it seemed she already knew, that she’d known for a while.

“Why do you think your father turned you in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Take a guess.”

“Because I’m a coward.”

Sharon’s face squinched up, like she was mulling it over. “Seems strange, doesn’t it? Your father turning you in for that. I mean, if he thought you were a coward, why would he send you here, where you could easily tell us about him?”

It didn’t make sense, but nothing ever did with him.

“Everything I touch turns to shit,” I said. “He probably figured it was only a matter of time before I fucked up and he didn’t want me to get hurt. So he took the necessary steps to make sure...”

“So your father loves you?”

“What?”

“He risked exposing himself, didn’t he? Drawing attention to you, put the spotlight on him. Seems pretty selfless. He must care about you an awful lot.”

I didn’t want to let Sharon see me

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