Make IT Real! - Sander R.B.E. Beals (self help books to read .txt) 📗

Kayim will be arriving. We sit down on the bench in front of the house, facing the school just ahead. While I'm sitting there watching the starry sky, I can't help feeling totally in awe of what must be out there. Because I for one cannot believe that our puny little planet is literally crawling with life, while the rest of space is just dead matter. But all is quiet among the stars, nothing moving. Except for those few blinking lights, but they are easily identified as one of the many jet airliners that fly over every night. But the night sky no longer shows a chem trail where the plane has flown. Recent changes in technology have made the Jumbo's into clean machines, that burden Nature far less. It was another of those changes that happened far faster than I'd ever thought was possible.

“There!”, Valerie prods me. She points out a figure that seems to appear out of mid-air. Feet first, moving down to street level. The disc must have approached while I was involved with the airliner, or it was just cloaked. Anyway, Kayim has arrived, and we walk up to greet him. In the meantime the elevator goes up again, and comes down loaded with three crates. That's the extent of the equipment that Kayim has brought. We each carry one crate, waving LeeYooh goodbye before picking them up again.

Because of the ungodly hour, we don't do very much when reaching the house. We stack the crates in the hallway, drink one final mug of tea, and retire to bed. Tomorrow will be the start of the rest of our lives, aimed at making a better world for all concerned. Frankly, I feel like a little kid on the evening before his birthday. And that's a feeling that I haven't had in a long time.....

4444AD, Day 298, 00:00, Liberator

With a very good feeling, I put the pad on the command console, having just finished my story. I remember the feeling of having finally ended that story when writing, which was a bit of an anticlimax: Having reached just over a hundred pages, I was disappointed that it would again be a flimsy story, page-wise at least. But at that page count the story felt complete, and my inspiration to add to it vanished like a snow ball in hell. Now, realizing that Going Within literally turned out to be going within this novel, I figure everything landed on its feet, as it always does.

But still, the encounter in the Akashic Records this afternoon has me a bit puzzled. It was obvious from the rooms we visited, that both Selina and I feel very strongly about one another, even far more so than we'd always thought. But the vastness of it all has got me baffled: no matter how deeply we love one another, it will always be an infinitesimal part of the All. And you can play higher / lower only if you have a limited set. With an infinite set, higher becomes the only choice, since it is unlimited, as opposed to lower.

I juggle that around for a while, not getting to a solution. But then I remember Albert Einstein's observation that you cannot solve a problem from the same level where it was created. You have to rise above it. Realizing that polarity is the limiting factor here, I find that yes, there is always better, but free will rules. If she will have me, I'll stay hers for whatever amount of lives she wishes to remain. If that changes, I'll just deal with it then.....

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010, 05:44

It is very weird to behold, how the syncs are cheering me on. Just now, while updating the website for the morning run, somebody unknown posted a video from KRS One in the light box. He talks about just the same thing this novel talks about: how future selves of us are actively involved in getting us to get along, being the best we can be so they can be the best they can be: “We are not pushed by the past, but we are being pulled by the future!”

Now there's more than one side to this: back in the past, I used to see such syncs too, but would allow them to discourage me from whatever I was doing, since to me back then the world was showing me that what I was doing had already been done, so continuing seemed futile. Even now that impulse sometimes crops up, but then KRS's last line sticks it to me: “It is not rap, it is the heart of self creation, create your Self!

And he is right of course: it isn't about whether it's already been done, because anything worth doing is worth doing over and over again, especially if you haven't experienced it yourself! So this novel is going to see the light of day, even if typing 'day' just now was synchronistically expanded by the word completion feature into 'daydreaming'.....

Thursday, April 8th, 2010, 21:33

Boy, was I tired just now! And not even ordinarily tired. It came from one moment to the next, as if someone had injected me with molasses. No reason why I should be dead tired, since work had been almost relaxing, and I was out early for an hour and a half of strenuous exercise with Leann in the gym. If that tiredness had kicked in the moment I left the gym, then I'd have been ready to attribute it to too much exercise. But as it turned out, I got out on an adrenaline high, feeling more vigorous than I was going in. Dinner went fine, and I was feeling none the worse for wear, when at eight o'clock sharp, that tiredness hit me like a ton of bricks!

I had half a mind to send Melanie home early and dive into bed, but she wouldn't budge. So the alternative was a hot shower, always instrumental in whipping my energy reserves back up in no time. As the soothing water streamed down my body working its magic, I went inside to arrive at the cause of this sudden setback. The only reasonable explanation I could feel existed was the fact I'd picked up someone else's vibes. I had that before with Jaleena: all of a sudden feeling like I could murder the world, and not feel bad about it. And the weird thing was, I had absolutely no reason for my pitch black mood. When I spoke to her later that night, and told her about that sudden downturn, she asked me exactly when I'd had that. It turned out that at that exact moment, all the way out there in Tampa, Florida, she had had such a murderous temper for a good reason!

With my energy quickly returning to normal because of the warm water, I sensed something more: today's downer had been brought on by none other than my beloved twin, Selina. Not sure about the exact train of events that made her feel this utterly fatigued, I can only speculate. But it felt like my little lady had been forced to endure some very low vibrations to be this down in the dumps. Perhaps a first crack in the armor of her marriage, the first sign of her return to me?

In all honesty, I can't even rejoice about that, because I just felt that utter desolation she must have undergone in even more devastating detail. I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy, let alone the woman I love beyond all!

Just hang in there, Selina! I know some negatives must be instrumental in turning things around for us, but it will be alright in the end. I know I've scripted you to appear on the tenth of the tenth of the tenth, but my novel is almost finished as we speak. Thus, we may be ahead of schedule, which is only good, right?

Right now, with my condition fully restored, I can only channel a sizable part of my energy her way, should she decide to use it. No force, just an offer, there for the taking, with no strings attached. Looking back over the landscape of the past, I find that my feelings for that little lady changed, not the feelings themselves, but the taste they leave: the know-factor is steadily increasing, and with it the anxiety of whether it will happen has markedly diminished.

And even though I have no waking memories of it, I'm sure my sleeping intentions to spend dream time together are often granted. So perhaps I should call it a night, dive into my bed, and meet her there. But on the other hand, Ayreon's track called Actual Fantasy tantalizes me into some more music and proofreading. After all, our future selves are still together as we speak, so in a way we are never apart.

4444AD, Day 300, 01:23, Liberator

Haley's husky voice wakes me up, from a very restful and dreamless sleep: “Sander, the anomaly is coming up, would you care to experience it with me?” I look beside me, but my princess is still sound asleep. Better let her dream on, because it will probably be something similar to the first black hole we entered. Thus, I get somewhat decent, and join Haley in the control room.

It is a magnificent sight, since this particular hole is at the center of its very own galaxy. We cover the remaining light minutes at near top speed, being lit from all sides by the ever closing celestial bodies. “I'm a bit worried about our hull temperature, Haley, could you check for me please?”, I ask my silicon partner. She waves a virtual hand, and whisks my concerns away: “Nah, never worry! I'll keep tabs on it, and notify you when it becomes in any way necessary.”

I do have her switch on the shaders on the view ports, because the light is beginning to impinge upon my ability to properly discern my environment. “Wow!! shouldn't have had that Tellurian brandy last night, I'm seeing the Light!”, Selina comes stumbling in. Stunning to look at, even in her stonewashed jeans and white ruffled top. She slouches onto the seat to my right, and asks me what is up with all the light. I briefly explain about the galaxy being sucked up by our destination, and she looks at me quite shocked. “So the change as opposed to last time is all the extra mass we have coming in with us. Won't that become quite hazardous?”, is her cautious question. “Well, the mass won't be the main problem, because the gravity cancels itself out if we have comparable masses all around us. But the added light and radiation might make a difference”, is my not quite reassuring reply. I continue to explain how I had Haley monitoring things, and so far she kept quiet, so not to worry.

Immediately, Haley interrupts me: “Sander, we've passed the point of no return, and will be able to endure the current increase in light and radiation levels for another seven minutes”

She steps up the shaders a bit more, so the two of us can at least normally perceive each other. “Haley, you are much better at this than I am. Can you plot us an adaptive course to keep gravitational influences to a minimum?”, I ask our best friend. Her head nods, and as her involvement sends a shiver through the controls, I let them go, and turn my seat towards Selina.

“You alright, or do you need a hug?”, I offer. “Would love to, but I don't need it”, my love replies with a smile. I get up, stand in front of her, and hug her close while she is still sitting. Because of the height of the seat, she is perfectly positioned to comfortably get through the next six minutes.....

“Ahumm,”, Haley interrupts our soft and gentle kissing. She wants to alert us about the impending event horizon, and counts down the remaining seconds. You