Limbo 56 - Mike Morris (if you give a mouse a cookie read aloud TXT) 📗
- Author: Mike Morris
Book online «Limbo 56 - Mike Morris (if you give a mouse a cookie read aloud TXT) 📗». Author Mike Morris
was unable to continue with his objections.
This time the Devils made no pretense of listening to the mind-numbing drone of the head Angel. From beneath their hoods, they chatted amongst themselves. They were, he supposed, gloating over the fall of one more Governor of Limbo56. He had outlasted all the others and he refused to feel sorry about the way he had governed the place. It had been a limbo on the very edge of Hell when he took over, and he had kept the miserable place and its inhabitants out of the pit for a hundred years. He had broken many rules, dealt with criminals in the outside world and Devils below. He had subverted a cherub third class; his accountant had cooked the books, his Politician had bribed politicians still living, and his Criminal had, after death, achieved his lifelong ambition of becoming a feared killer, albeit a killer of killers. For a few years, due to Arthur’s actions, his Intermediates had enjoyed an existence comparable to that in the outside world. He was not going to apologize for that. He squared his shoulders.
“Well, what do you have to say?” the Chairman demanded.
“What’s going to happen to my people,” Arthur asked. He shook his finger at the Angel. “They deserve to go to Heaven – most of them.”
“And so they shall,” the Angel said blandly. “We’re interviewing them right now. When we’re done, the remaining wretches will descend into Hell with your miserable little Limbo.”
Surprising himself, Arthur felt a touch of sorrow, followed by a huge surge of relief. At least, most of his people were not going to suffer. “That’s good, he said. “Now I’m ready. Let’s get it over with.”
The Chairman blinked. “That’s all?” he said. “I don’t think you realize how serious this decision is.” He opened a folder on his desk and extracted a sheet of silver paper, etched with black letters. “We have never before allowed a failed Governor to ascend to Heaven, and, quite frankly, we were very reluctant to do so now. However,” he sighed, “it seems you have friends in high places. I shall read to the recommendation that was sent as we convened this hearing.” He peered at the silver sheet. “We,” he bellowed, “Being Angels in high standing in the realms of Heaven, level one, military sub-sector…” He paused. Sometimes I think that we exalt our military brethren a little too highly and a little too quickly. True, they have experienced Hell and emerged strong, but…”
“Get on with it,” a voice cried from the Devils’ benches, causing Arthur to turn his head sharply.
The Angel coughed. “We,” he began again, “being…” He hurried on as a couple of Devils spouted frustrated fire. “We hereby strongly recommend that Arthur Mossop, Governor of Limbo56, be admitted to the kingdom of heaven in view of his extraordinary efforts on behalf of his citizens, including the signatories below.” The Angel cleared his throat. “There are a whole number of good deeds attributed to you by the signatories, and since Angels cannot lie, I have to allow that you have impressed some first-class members of our community. This recommendation is signed by General Anthony Scott, DSO, - I won’t read the decorations, they all have too many, Wing Commander Jimmy Wheeler, Colonel Shadrach Jones, Sergeant Ernest Wheeler, and Corporal Harry Williams.
“No-one, the Angel said sententiously, has ever been recommended before. This goes against all precedent.” He sighed. “We Angels like good, clean tidy decisions. We do not like setting precedents. Indeed,” he continued. “If it were not for your sterling actions with regard to the Devils, we might still have ignored the petition.”
Here he was interrupted by one of the devils, who scrambled over the desk toward Arthur. “I’ll tear him to pieces,” the little devil said, breathing fire. “Let me at him, I’ll bend him like a pretzel.” The little Devil, held back by his peers, continued to struggle. “I almost had it,” he screeched. “I almost had his damned Limbo and all the souls in it. He snatched it away from me, and he stole some of my lost souls. I want to roast him.” Eventually the Devil calmed down, and sat, simmering with his fellows.
“I’m going to tear him apart and eat him.” The voice of the She-Devil was clear. “I had all of the Governors and most of the population ready to follow me down to Hell and he tricked me. I got away with one soul, one!” She leaned forward, shadowy face emerging from the hood. “I wish I had him down there right now. I know what I’d do with him.” And she winked.
After that, he was home free. The Angels tut-tutted, the Demons breathed a few ritual bursts of fire and the chamber emptied. Pauline and Jasper glanced at him before disappearing below.
Arthur sat in his rooms in Limbo56. The territory was empty, apart from him. All of the buildings, apart from the foundry, and the modest building that contained his dwelling had been razed. The population was gone, the few possessions dispersed, the foundry calmly waiting its descent into Hell. It was eerily quiet. “I had friends,” he murmured to himself. “Friends like Shadrach and Corporal Williams, the General, even Jimmy Wheeler and his father.” He chuckled. “Who would have thought that Jasper and Pauline would, at least once, do me a favour?” He sat musing on his hundred years. He had never dreamed, after that first awakening in Limbo, that he would succeed in ascending to Heaven. Of course, he would have gone earlier, but there were so many things to do. He couldn’t just leave the place to the ravages of the Devils. He tapped his fingers on his desk. “I have to go,” he said, and suddenly realized that he did not want to go. “A hundred years,” he thought bitterly. “I’ve been in training for a hundred years, and now I have to throw it all away.” He picked up his phone, pressed the red button for the third and last time, and called the Angels.
He was sitting in the cavernous Council Chamber, empty except for himself and the Chairman. He had prepared himself with every argument that he could think of, and had not stopped talking for an hour.
“Shut up,” the Chairman said, startling him. “I don’t want to hear any more.” He looked at Arthur balefully. “Do you want to go to Hell, or do you want to ascend to Heaven. Arthur sighed and pointed upwards. “Actually, we’re already at the heavenly level,” the Chairman said. “Well, at least you’re not completely insane.” He looked at Arthur. “What if we were to give you a really big Limbo, one where you would have to work really hard just to control the comings and goings of the population? Do you think you could handle it?”
“Absolutely,” Arthur told him.
“You speak Chinese, naturally,” the Chairman said. He chuckled. “And they say that we Angels have no sense of humor. No, they speak English in this particular Limbo – sort of.” He straightened his halo. “I have to warn you, you will be dealing with the most obstinate, arrogant bunch of Prima Dona half-sinners that you have ever met. It’s a place that has laid low better men than you.” He looked expectantly at Arthur.
“I’ll take it,” Arthur said hastily. “Er, where is it?”
“It’s a little place in the United States, called Los Angeles.” The Chairman said. “You’ll be taking care of the undead citizens of the City of the Queen of the Angels.”
Imprint
This time the Devils made no pretense of listening to the mind-numbing drone of the head Angel. From beneath their hoods, they chatted amongst themselves. They were, he supposed, gloating over the fall of one more Governor of Limbo56. He had outlasted all the others and he refused to feel sorry about the way he had governed the place. It had been a limbo on the very edge of Hell when he took over, and he had kept the miserable place and its inhabitants out of the pit for a hundred years. He had broken many rules, dealt with criminals in the outside world and Devils below. He had subverted a cherub third class; his accountant had cooked the books, his Politician had bribed politicians still living, and his Criminal had, after death, achieved his lifelong ambition of becoming a feared killer, albeit a killer of killers. For a few years, due to Arthur’s actions, his Intermediates had enjoyed an existence comparable to that in the outside world. He was not going to apologize for that. He squared his shoulders.
“Well, what do you have to say?” the Chairman demanded.
“What’s going to happen to my people,” Arthur asked. He shook his finger at the Angel. “They deserve to go to Heaven – most of them.”
“And so they shall,” the Angel said blandly. “We’re interviewing them right now. When we’re done, the remaining wretches will descend into Hell with your miserable little Limbo.”
Surprising himself, Arthur felt a touch of sorrow, followed by a huge surge of relief. At least, most of his people were not going to suffer. “That’s good, he said. “Now I’m ready. Let’s get it over with.”
The Chairman blinked. “That’s all?” he said. “I don’t think you realize how serious this decision is.” He opened a folder on his desk and extracted a sheet of silver paper, etched with black letters. “We have never before allowed a failed Governor to ascend to Heaven, and, quite frankly, we were very reluctant to do so now. However,” he sighed, “it seems you have friends in high places. I shall read to the recommendation that was sent as we convened this hearing.” He peered at the silver sheet. “We,” he bellowed, “Being Angels in high standing in the realms of Heaven, level one, military sub-sector…” He paused. Sometimes I think that we exalt our military brethren a little too highly and a little too quickly. True, they have experienced Hell and emerged strong, but…”
“Get on with it,” a voice cried from the Devils’ benches, causing Arthur to turn his head sharply.
The Angel coughed. “We,” he began again, “being…” He hurried on as a couple of Devils spouted frustrated fire. “We hereby strongly recommend that Arthur Mossop, Governor of Limbo56, be admitted to the kingdom of heaven in view of his extraordinary efforts on behalf of his citizens, including the signatories below.” The Angel cleared his throat. “There are a whole number of good deeds attributed to you by the signatories, and since Angels cannot lie, I have to allow that you have impressed some first-class members of our community. This recommendation is signed by General Anthony Scott, DSO, - I won’t read the decorations, they all have too many, Wing Commander Jimmy Wheeler, Colonel Shadrach Jones, Sergeant Ernest Wheeler, and Corporal Harry Williams.
“No-one, the Angel said sententiously, has ever been recommended before. This goes against all precedent.” He sighed. “We Angels like good, clean tidy decisions. We do not like setting precedents. Indeed,” he continued. “If it were not for your sterling actions with regard to the Devils, we might still have ignored the petition.”
Here he was interrupted by one of the devils, who scrambled over the desk toward Arthur. “I’ll tear him to pieces,” the little devil said, breathing fire. “Let me at him, I’ll bend him like a pretzel.” The little Devil, held back by his peers, continued to struggle. “I almost had it,” he screeched. “I almost had his damned Limbo and all the souls in it. He snatched it away from me, and he stole some of my lost souls. I want to roast him.” Eventually the Devil calmed down, and sat, simmering with his fellows.
“I’m going to tear him apart and eat him.” The voice of the She-Devil was clear. “I had all of the Governors and most of the population ready to follow me down to Hell and he tricked me. I got away with one soul, one!” She leaned forward, shadowy face emerging from the hood. “I wish I had him down there right now. I know what I’d do with him.” And she winked.
After that, he was home free. The Angels tut-tutted, the Demons breathed a few ritual bursts of fire and the chamber emptied. Pauline and Jasper glanced at him before disappearing below.
Arthur sat in his rooms in Limbo56. The territory was empty, apart from him. All of the buildings, apart from the foundry, and the modest building that contained his dwelling had been razed. The population was gone, the few possessions dispersed, the foundry calmly waiting its descent into Hell. It was eerily quiet. “I had friends,” he murmured to himself. “Friends like Shadrach and Corporal Williams, the General, even Jimmy Wheeler and his father.” He chuckled. “Who would have thought that Jasper and Pauline would, at least once, do me a favour?” He sat musing on his hundred years. He had never dreamed, after that first awakening in Limbo, that he would succeed in ascending to Heaven. Of course, he would have gone earlier, but there were so many things to do. He couldn’t just leave the place to the ravages of the Devils. He tapped his fingers on his desk. “I have to go,” he said, and suddenly realized that he did not want to go. “A hundred years,” he thought bitterly. “I’ve been in training for a hundred years, and now I have to throw it all away.” He picked up his phone, pressed the red button for the third and last time, and called the Angels.
He was sitting in the cavernous Council Chamber, empty except for himself and the Chairman. He had prepared himself with every argument that he could think of, and had not stopped talking for an hour.
“Shut up,” the Chairman said, startling him. “I don’t want to hear any more.” He looked at Arthur balefully. “Do you want to go to Hell, or do you want to ascend to Heaven. Arthur sighed and pointed upwards. “Actually, we’re already at the heavenly level,” the Chairman said. “Well, at least you’re not completely insane.” He looked at Arthur. “What if we were to give you a really big Limbo, one where you would have to work really hard just to control the comings and goings of the population? Do you think you could handle it?”
“Absolutely,” Arthur told him.
“You speak Chinese, naturally,” the Chairman said. He chuckled. “And they say that we Angels have no sense of humor. No, they speak English in this particular Limbo – sort of.” He straightened his halo. “I have to warn you, you will be dealing with the most obstinate, arrogant bunch of Prima Dona half-sinners that you have ever met. It’s a place that has laid low better men than you.” He looked expectantly at Arthur.
“I’ll take it,” Arthur said hastily. “Er, where is it?”
“It’s a little place in the United States, called Los Angeles.” The Chairman said. “You’ll be taking care of the undead citizens of the City of the Queen of the Angels.”
Imprint
Publication Date: 04-25-2010
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