Eclipse - Smiley sn (ereader with dictionary .txt) 📗

I remember glaring at him and yelling words at him and trying to make him hurt as much as he deserved. I remember trying to absorb his powers, but it seemed as if he had none making me gasp quietly.

He had chuckled at my expression like he could think of nothing better. “You’re so much like her. You have the same fiery spirit. I just hope you don’t make the same bad decisions.” He was insane, a psychopath, one that killed innocent people and laughed in the face of their traumatized sons and daughters.

I remember growing angry at him and started to hit him, but he swiftly moved into the shadows and as I kept trying to find him and kill him, he would laugh. Almost as if he was amused by me. Like we were playing a game of tag or hide and seek.

I never caught him. I remember going into the living room and staring at their dead bodies, the scent of blood and death thick causing me to throw up, adding that bad smell into the air. I couldn’t move at all I just sat there on the chair staring at their bodies. I was waiting for them to move, to jump up and say april fools or maybe I was waiting for him to finish me off as well or waiting to wake up. I don’t know what but I waited until morning.

Then I couldn’t stand the sight anymore. Couldn’t stare at their pale skin, black beady eyes, blood covered bodies any longer.

I grabbed a pack and started stuffing it with clothes, food, things I would need to be able to leave and not come back. I didn’t want him to follow me and kill everybody I loved.

I was going to find him and kill him. And he is going to wish I had caught him today.

I left them alone. My parents. My wonderful amazing family that deserve the world, but they never deserved to die like that. They were good, maybe the last good people in this world and now they are gone. Killed.

Someone touches my hand making me flinch. “Jax?” I look up to see them looking at me in concern. “Jax, are you alright?”

I didn’t answer. I wasn’t alright. “We need to get you to bed. You haven’t really had time to sleep and here we are asking you questions.” I felt numb and limp. Everything was crashing down at me all at once. I felt like Atlas holding up the sky. The strain was unbearable. I try to stand, but my legs wobbled and Savannah and Kayo went on either side of me trying to help me up which was an easy feat considering my loss in weight.

I was too tired to care that they could feel my ribs from underneath my shirt. I look down at myself and I could swear I could see blood on my clothes before I blinked and it was gone. I swear I could still hear my mom’s scream and his laugh. His laugh that mocked me. His laugh that viewed me as insignificant, underneath him.

I close my eyes to get rid of the visions, but that only made it more vivid. My body started to tremble and when I opened my eyes my vision was flickering on and off. My breaths became more erratic and I felt a scream bubbling up my throat.

I felt their blood on my skin like acid. On my arms and legs and chest. I tried to get rid of it, but my hands felt restrained and sluggish. I remember their dead lifeless bodies staring at me with black beady eyes. I clutch my head and scream to get rid of the image and back away from them.

I open my eyes and suddenly I’m back home in my living room. There he is in his navy blue suit grinnig at me, but he is not alone this time. “Grab him. Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.” He says to his two other lackeys. It was exactly like except this time he wasn’t laughing at me. He was smirking and trying to reach me. Oh god he’s going to kill me. He’s found me again and he’s going to kill me.

What if he already found Savannah, Kayo, Stacey and the twins? Oh God, are they already dead?

That sent ice cold fear in my veins and I feel bile bubble up my throat. I thrash in panic and try to get away yelling obscenities at him but he keeps coming towards me unintimidated. His green eyes glint as he see me struggle. I try to run but I was backed into a corner and I screamed again covering my face with my arms.

I feel a pinch on my arm and everything becomes black. A final thought went passed my mind before I was completely engulfed in the darkness

I’m not alright

Chapter 7

I was always dreaming.

I used to dream about seeing my family again.

My mom’s laugh and my dad’s smile. The way they would dance together to some song any day. My dad teaching me something from his books and my mom singing a tune. How me and my dad would join in and she grimaces at our singing voice. She always had the most beautiful voice. I swear even the angels envied it.

Not only my parents, but also Kayo and Stacey’s family. I would imagine what they were doing, how they were doing, did they miss me? They might as well been family as they practically raised me with my parents.

When the twins birthday passed when I was away, I cried. I actually cried. I cried for not being able to see them when they turned five. I cried for not being able to give them their presents. For not being able to hold them and stuff our faces in cake.

I dreamed of Savannah. I wondered if I would ever see her again. To hear her sweet voice again or see her beautiful blue eyes looking at me. Whenever I dreamed of her, she was laughing at me or running away from me and laughing. She looked so happy. Content. I wondered if I would ever see her smile at me again.

I would imagine Kayo telling me jokes and Stacey showing me different plants. Kayo helping me pull pranks on his niece. Stacey helping me tend to my mother’s garden and teaching me how to cook.

I would do anything for them. Anything to make them happy, safe, and content.

And I hurt them. I would see the pained expressions they would try to conceal when I was around them. Like I was everything they were trying to forget. Like I was everything they were grieving over.

When they saw me, they didn’t see just Jackson, but also the whole Faye family. They would see my mom in my green eyes and my dad in my hair. In all my quirks and habit, they would see them.

Us.

All of us. I had in a way died with them. I was a hollow shell of what I used to be. I no longer laughed easily. No longer my happy self. I was sad and depressing and the worst part is the lie I told them. They think it is all because of him. All because of my parent’s murderer. Because he held me hostage and damaged me. He had starved. He caused the scars on my body. He made me have panic attacks and nightmares.

When in truth, I had done this to myself. It was all my fault. I didn’t protect them. I didn’t fight hard enough to save them. I had run away and abandoned them.

And I hate myself for it.

Some days I had just wished someone would kill me. That someone would have mercy on my poor soul and kill me. I was hoping my body would give up. That if I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, din’t take care of myself, I would die eventually. I couldn’t do it myself.

I was a coward.

I wanted to suffer. I wanted to suffer like my parents did. I wouldn’t give me the mercy of a quick death. I didn’t deserve that.

I never wanted Kayo’s family to see me like this. I was planning to talk to Kayo privately and just tell him I was alive then leave. I was such a fool. How could I ever expect him to let me leave? I don’t know what I was thinking.

I shouldn’t be here. I was tainting them.

And I just made it worse. I had a panic attack in front of them. Now they could see how broken I truly was. I could see they’re guilt. Im not sure what theyre guilty about, but I hate it. Ever since that day, they have been walking eggshells around like I could explode if they make a single sound.

Like I would break down again.

Kayo just comes in to check on my health. I could sense he was uncomfortable. He wouldn’t look me in the eye and would smile a fake smile when he said I was alright. We both knew it was a boldfaced lie.

Stacey would come in with soup and rearrange the washcloth on my head. She kept fussing over me and asking questions, which I wouldn’t answer. She eventually stopped asking them. She just came to get the dishes and give me water for me and sea, as she had never left my bedside. She only left to do her business or eat the scraps Stacey left her.

I spent the whole day in bed either sleeping or pretending to be asleep. I watched the sun rise and eventually set before the night came from inside the little bedroom. It was only after Savannah visited the next day is when I actually talked.

“Sav-vannah?” My voice hoarse and I gulp the water.

She strokes my hair away from my face with an unreadable expression. “We’re sorry, no. I’m sorry” She says before I can say anything.

I look at her in confusion. “What?” I should be apologizing for not being able to control myself. For letting them see that part of me I would try to hide. For making them more guilty. I knew they were good people and seeing how much the past few months had affected me had affected them.

“I’m sorry.” She says looking in my eyes. “You weren’t ready to talk and we pushed for it. We shouldn’t have done that. Obviously the experience was traumatizing and we caused you to talk about it.” For a second I was confused, then I remember what I told them. Oh right. They thought being held hostage caused this.

“No.” I sat up. “I’m sorry.” It was her time to look confused. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

She looked hurt. “Why wouldn’t you want to see you like that? We care about you and we want to help you.”

I shake my head. “No. I’m beyond help.” I didn’t mean to sound so pessimistic. I was just telling her what I honestly felt. I felt horrible, but I deserve it.

She hugged me and her vanilla scent invaded my senses. She shook her head. “Don’t say that. Everybody can be helped.” She sounded determined and I that sent a