The Foundations of Personality - Abraham Myerson (best large ereader .txt) 📗
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virtue of adverse adventures or misfortunes. Hence the wild
white-slave yarns and the “orphan child” who has been abused.
Every police department knows these girls and boys, as does every
social service agency.
I am afraid we all yield to the desire to be interesting or to
make artistic our adventures. To tell of what happens to us, of
what we have seen or said or done exactly as it was, is
difficult, not only because of faulty memory, but because we like
to make the tale more like a story, because, let us say, of the
artist in us. Life is so incomplete and unfinished! We so rarely
retort as we should have! And a bald recital of most events is
not interesting and so,—the proportions are altered, humor is
introduced, the conversation becomes more witty, especially our
share, and the adventure is made a little more thrilling. And
each who tells of it adds little or much, and in the end what is
told never happened. “The Devil is the father of lies,” runs the
old proverb. If so, we have all given birth to some of his
children.
Though direct lying is held to be harmful and socially
disastrous, and evidence of either fear and cowardice or
malevolence, the essential honesty of people is usually summed up
in the term sincerity. The advance of civilization is marked by
the appearance of toleration, the recognition that belief is a
private right, especially as concerns religion, and that
sincerity in belief is more important than the nature of belief.
What is really implied by sincerity is the absence of camouflage
or disguise, so that it becomes possible to know what a man
believes and thinks by his words and his acts. As a matter of
fact, that ideal is neither realized nor desirable, and it is as
wise and natural to inhibit the expression of our beliefs and
feelings as it is to inhibit our actions. To be frank with a man,
to tell him sincerely that we believe he is a scoundrel, and that
we hate him and to show this feeling by act, would be to plunge
the world into barbarism. We must disguise hate, and there are
times when we must disguise love. Sincerity is at the best only
relative; we ought to be sincere about love, religion and the
validity of our purposes, but in the little relationships
sincerity must be replaced by caution, courtesy and the needs of
efficiency. In reality we ask for sincerity only in what is
pleasant to us; the sincere whose frankness and honesty offend we
call boors.
Sincere self-revelation, if well done, is one of the most
esteemed forms of literary production. Montaigne’s preface to his
“Essays” is a promise that he lived up to in the sincerity and
frankness of his self and other analysis. “Pepy’s Diary” charms
because the naked soul of an Englishman of the seventeenth
century is laid before us, with its trivialities, lusts,
repentance and aspirations. In the latter nineteenth century,
Mary MacLane’s diary had an extraordinary vogue because of the
apparent sincerity of the eager original nature there revealed.
We love young children because their selfishness, their
curiosity, their “real” nature, is shown to us in their every
word and act. In their presence we are relaxed, off our guard and
not forced to that eternal hiding and studying that the society
of our equals imposes on us.
We all long for sincerity, but the too sincere are treated much
as the skeptic of Bjoriasen’s tale, who was killed by his
friends. As they stood around his body, one said to the other,
“There lies one who kicked us around like a football.” The dead
man spoke, “Ah, yes, but I always kicked you to the goal.” The
sincere of purpose must always keep his sincerity from wounding
too deeply; he must always be careful and include his own foibles
and failings in his attack, and he must make his efforts witty,
so that he may have the help of laughter. But here the danger is
that he will be listed as a pleasant comedian, and his serious
purpose will be balked by his reputation.
Sincerity, thus, is relative, and the insincere are those whose
purposes, declared by themselves to be altruistic, are none the
less egoistic, whose attachments and affections, loudly
protested, are not lasting and never intense, and whose manners
do not reflect what they themselves are but what they think will
be pleasing and acceptable to others. The relatively sincere seek
to make their outer behavior conform, within the possibilities,
to their inner natures; they are polite but not gushing, devoted
to their friends at heart and in deed, but not too friendly to
their enemies or to those they dislike, and they believe in their
own purposes as good. The unhappiest state possible is when one
starts to question the sincerity and validity of one’s own
purposes, from which there results an agonizing paralysis of
purpose. The sincere inspire with faith and cooperation, if there
is a unity of interest, but it must not be forgotten that others
are inspired to hatred and rivalry, if the sincerity is along
antagonistic lines. We are apt to forget that sincerity, like
love, faith and hope, is a beautiful word, but the quality of
sincerity, like the other qualities, may be linked with misguided
purpose. No one doubts the sincerity of the Moslem hordes of the
eighth century in desiring to redeem the world for Mahomet, but
we are quite as sincerely glad that sturdy Charles Martel smashed
them back from Europe. Their very sincerity made them the more
dangerous. In estimating any one’s sincerity, it is indispensable
to inquire with what other qualities is this sincerity
linked,—to what nouns of activity is it a qualifying adjective?
Honesty, truthfulness and sincerity are esteemed because there is
in our social structure the great need that men shall trust one
another. The cynic and the worldly wise, and also the experiences
of life, teach “never trust, always be cautious, never confide in
letter or speech,” curb the trusting urge in our nature. The
betrayal of trust is the one sin; all other crimes from murder
down may find an excuse in passion or weakness, but when the
trusting are deceived or injured, the cement substance of our
social structure is dissolved and the fabric of our lives
threatened. To trust is to hand over one’s destiny to another and
is a manifestation of the mutual dependence of man. It is in part
a judgment of character, it is in part an original trait, is an
absence of that form of fear called suspicion and on its positive
side is a form of courage.
Since it is in part a judgment of character in the most of us, it
tends to grow less prominent as we grow older. The young child is
either very trusting or entirely suspicious, and when his
suspicions are overcome by acquaintance and simple bribes, he
yields his fortunes to any one. (It is a pleasant fiction that
children and dogs know whom to trust, by an intuition.) But as
life proceeds, the most of us find that our judgment of character
is poor, and we hesitate to pin anything momentous on it. Only
where passion blinds us, as in sex love, or when our self-love
and lust for quick gain[1] or hate has been aroused do we lose
the caution that is the antithesis of trust. The expert in human
relations is he who can overcome distrust; the genius in human
relations is he who inspires trust.
For the psychopathologist an enormous interest centers in a group
of people whom we may call paranoic. In his mildest form the
paranoic is that very common “misunderstood” person who distrusts
the attitude and actions of his neighbors, who believes himself
to be injured purposely by every unintentional slight, or rather
who finds insult and injury where others see only forgetfulness
or inattention. Of an inordinate and growing ego, the paranoic of
a pathological trend develops the idea or delusion of
persecution. From the feeling that everything and every one is
against him, he builds up, when some major purpose becomes
balked, a specific belief that so and so or this or “that group
is after me.” “They are trying to injure or kill me” because they
are jealous or have some antagonistic purpose. Here we find the
half-baked inventor, whose “inventions” have been turned down for
the very good reason that they are of no value, and who concludes
[1] All the great swindlers show how the lust for gain plus the
wiles of the swindler overcome the caution and suspicion of the
“hard-headed,” The Ponzi case is the latest contribution to the
subject.
that some big corporations are in league with the Patent Office
to prevent him from competing with them; here we have the
“would-be” artist or singer or writer whose efforts are not
appreciated, largely because they are foolish, but who believes
that the really successful (and he often names them) hate and
fear him, or that the Catholics are after him, or perhaps the
Jews or the Masons.
In its extreme form the paranoic is rare just as is the extremely
trusting person of saintly type. But in minor form every group
and every institution has its paranoic, hostile, suspicious,
“touchy,” quick to believe something is being put over on him and
quick to attribute his failure to others. In that last is a
cardinal point in the compass of character. Some attribute their
failure to others, and some in their self-analysis find the root
of their difficulties and failures in themselves.
Under the feeling of injustice a paranoid trend is easily aroused
in all of us, and we may misinterpret the whole world when
laboring under that feeling, just as we may, if we are correct,
see the social organization very clearly as a result. Therein is
the danger of any injustice and seeming injustice, As a result
condemnation is extreme, wrongly directed and with little
constructive value. We become paranoid, see wrong where there is
none and enemies in those who are friendly.
The over-trusting, over-confidential are the virtuous in excess,
and their damage is usually localized to themselves or their
families. They tell their secrets to any one who politely
expresses an interest, they will hand over their fortunes to the
flattering stranger, to the smooth-tongued. Sometimes they are
merely unworldly, absorbed in unworldly projects, but more often
they are merely trusting fools.
Man the weak, struggling in a world whose forces are pitiless,
whose fairest face hides grim disaster, has sought to find some
one, some force, he might unfailingly trust. He raises his hands
to heaven; he cries, “There is One I can trust. Though He smite
me I shall have faith.”
CHAPTER XIV. SEX CHARACTERS AND DOMESTICITY
Originally reproduction is a part of the function of all
protoplasm; and in the primitive life-forms an individual becomes
two by the “simple process” of dividing itself into halves. Had
this method continued into the higher forms most of the trouble
as well as most of the pleasure of human existence would never
occur. Or had the hermaphrodite method of combining two sexes in
the one individual, so frequent in the plant world, found its way
into the higher animals, the moral struggles of man would have
become simplified into that resulting from his, struggles with
similar creatures. Literature would not flourish, the drama would
never have been heard of, dancing and singing would not need the
attention of the uplifter, dress would be a method of keeping
warm, and life would be sane enough but without the delicious
joys of sex-love.
Why are there two sexes?[1] I must refer the reader to the
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