Leaving Me - Emma Greene (good novels to read in english .TXT) 📗

always been there for me, too. You’ve just had a rough time, Everything’s gonna be all right.”

“It sure is,” you said.

We were silent for a few minutes. Then, in the best way I could, I asked you if you could tell me what had happened. You said, “Not tonight. Now that I’m not alone, I can actually rest in peace.” You let out a long sigh.

I saw you fall asleep, and then I closed my eyes. And before I fell asleep, you said, “Bye. And don’t you dare forget me…”

I woke up later, and I realized that I was with you. I wanted to wake you up, to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but I saw your face, and it was smiling. You were so peaceful.

I also noticed you weren’t breathing.

You were stiff.

Something was wrong.

“Ellie,” I whispered. No answer.

“Ellie,” I said. No answer.

“Ellie,” I said louder. Tears started to flow. No answer.

“Ellie,” I sobbed. And still no answer.

I don’t really remember what happened next, only that I was clinging to you to hard, I had lost feeling on my fingers. You had already let go, and now I was the one who didn’t want to. I didn’t want to lose you, Ellie. The EMT gave me something to make me feel better, but nothing could make me feel better, nothing could make me feel whole again. You were my other half, my diary, my sister, and now you were gone.


THE OFFICER WHO WAS WITH ME told me what really happened to you, Ellie. Sean was abusing you, wasn’t he? You loved him, and you didn’t want to lose him, but he was treating you like you were nothing. You told him that night that you didn’t want to be with him anymore, and he beat you up. But even though you were messed up on the outside and on the inside, you felt happy. That’s why you were smiling when I woke up.

Later, when the officer asked me if I understood why you killed yourself, I said yes. I understood why you didn’t want to be in this world anymore. I understood everything. But that didn’t mean I agreed with what you did.

“Why did you leave me?”

That’s the question that haunts me every night before I close my eyes now. That’s the question that wakes me up every day. And with that question comes the face—your face. I whisper it every night, hoping I would get an answer. But hoping doesn’t work. Hope is just a tool to help your heart survive the pain. Hope’s not real, it’s just a fantasy that your heart keeps stubbornly close, to protect itself. Hope’s just a lie. I keep telling myself that every day. So why am I still hoping you’ll come back?

Why did you leave me?

I know you’re watching me now, as I stare at the picture of me and you. I know you’re yelling at me not to do it. But it’s not fair. Why do you have to leave me? All I know is that when I’m finished with this, I’ll see you again. So when I take the sleeping pills, one by one, until the bottle is empty, I know you’ll be the one welcoming me into your heaven.

I can feel myself fading away. I can feel my fingers die. One by one, all of my muscles start to die. My feet, my legs, my hands, my arms, my shoulders, my neck. The only thing that’s still alive is my ears, and the last thing I hear is your voice singing me a lullaby…

Imprint

Publication Date: 05-01-2010

All Rights Reserved