Something New - Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (books to read for self improvement TXT) 📗
- Author: Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
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"Just For A Few Minutes At Paddington."
"Oh! You Haven't Been With Mr. Peters Long, Then?"
Ashe Began To Wonder Whether Everybody He Met Was Going To Ask
Him This Dangerous Question.
"Only A Day Or So."
"Where Were You Before That?"
Chapter 5 Pg 96
Ashe Was Conscious Of A Prickly Sensation. A Little More Of This
And He Might As Well Reveal His True Mission At The Castle And
Have Done With It.
"Oh, I Was--That Is To Say----"
"How Are You Feeling After The Journey, Mr. Marson?" Said A Voice
From The Other Side Of The Table; And Ashe, Looking Up
Gratefully, Found Joan's Eyes Looking Into His With A Curiously
Amused Expression.
He Was Too Grateful For The Interruption To Try To Account For
This. He Replied That He Was Feeling Very Well, Which Was Not The
Case. Miss Willoughby's Interest Was Diverted To A Discussion Of
The Defects Of The Various Railroad Systems Of Great Britain.
At The Head Of The Table Mr. Beach Had Started An Intimate
Conversation With Mr. Ferris, The Valet Of Lord Stockheath, The
Honorable Freddie's "Poor Old Percy"--A Cousin, Ashe Had
Gathered, Of Aline Peters' Husband-To-Be. The Butler Spoke In
More Measured Tones Even Than Usual, For He Was Speaking Of
Tragedy.
"We Were All Extremely Sorry, Mr. Ferris, To Read Of Your
Misfortune."
Ashe Wondered What Had Been Happening To Mr. Ferris.
"Yes, Mr. Beach," Replied The Valet, "It's A Fact We Made A
Pretty Poor Show." He Took A Sip From His Glass. "There Is No
Concealing The Fact--I Have Never Tried To Conceal It--That Poor
Percy Is Not Bright."
Miss Chester Entered The Conversation.
"I Couldn't See Where The Girl--What's Her Name? Was So Very
Pretty. All The Papers Had Pieces Where It Said She Was
Attractive, And What Not; But She Didn't Look Anything Special To
Me From Her Photograph In The Mirror. What His Lordship Could See
In Her I Can't Understand."
"The Photo Didn't Quite Do Her Justice, Miss Chester. I Was
Present In Court, And I Must Admit She Was Svelte--Decidedly
Svelte. And You Must Recollect That Percy, From Childhood Up, Has
Always Been A Highly Susceptible Young Nut. I Speak As One Who
Knows Him."
Mr. Beach Turned To Joan.
"We Are Speaking Of The Stockheath Breach-Of-Promise Case, Miss
Simpson, Of Which You Doubtless Read In The Newspapers. Lord
Stockheath Is A Nephew Of Ours. I Fancy His Lordship Was Greatly
Shocked At The Occurrence."
Chapter 5 Pg 97
"He Was," Chimed In Mr. Judson From Down The Table. "I Happened
To Overhear Him Speaking Of It To Young Freddie. It Was In The
Library On The Morning When The Judge Made His Final Summing Up
And Slipped It Into Lord Stockheath So Proper. 'If Ever Anything
Of This Sort Happens To You, You Young Scalawag,' He Says To
Freddie--"
Mr. Beach Coughed. "Mr. Judson!"
"Oh, It's All Right, Mr. Beach; We're All In The Family Here, In
A Manner Of Speaking. It Wasn't As Though I Was Telling It To A
Lot Of Outsiders. I'm Sure None Of These Ladies Or Gentlemen
Will Let It Go Beyond This Room?"
The Company Murmured Virtuous Acquiescence.
"He Says To Freddie: 'You Young Scalawag, If Ever Anything Of
This Sort Happens To You, You Can Pack Up And Go Off To Canada,
For I'll Have Nothing More To Do With You!'--Or Words To That
Effect. And Freddie Says: 'Oh, Dash It All, Gov'nor, You
Know--What?'"
However Short Mr. Judson's Imitation Of His Master's Voice May
Have Fallen Of Histrionic Perfection, It Pleased The Company. The
Room Shook With Mirth.
"Mr. Judson Is Clever, Isn't He, Mr. Marson?" Whispered Miss
Willoughby, Gazing With Adoring Eyes At The Speaker.
Mr. Beach Thought It Expedient To Deflect The Conversation. By
The Unwritten Law Of The Room Every Individual Had The Right To
Speak As Freely As He Wished About His Own Personal Employer; But
Judson, In His Opinion, Sometimes Went A Trifle Too Far.
"Tell Me, Mr. Ferris," He Said, "Does His Lordship Seem To Bear
It Well?"
"Oh, Percy Is Bearing It Well Enough."
Ashe Noted As A Curious Fact That, Though The Actual Valet Of Any
Person Under Discussion Spoke Of Him Almost Affectionately By His
Christian Name, The Rest Of The Company Used The Greatest
Ceremony And Gave Him His Title With All Respect. Lord Stockheath
Was Percy To Mr. Ferris, And The Honorable Frederick Threepwood
Was Freddie To Mr. Judson; But To Ferris, Mr. Judson's Freddie
Was The Honorable Frederick, And To Judson Mr. Ferris' Percy Was
Lord Stockheath. It Was Rather A Pleasant Form Of Etiquette, And
Struck Ashe As Somehow Vaguely Feudal.
"Percy," Went On Mr. Ferris, "Is Bearing It Like A Little
Briton--The Damages Not Having Come Out Of His Pocket! It's His
Old Father--Who Had To Pay Them--That's Taking It To Heart. You
Might Say He's Doing Himself Proud. He Says It's Brought On His
Gout Again, And That's Why He's Gone To Droitwich Instead Of
Chapter 5 Pg 98Coming Here. I Dare Say Percy Isn't Sorry."
"It Has Been," Said Mr. Beach, Summing Up, "A Most Unfortunate
Occurrence. The Modern Tendency Of The Lower Classes To Get Above
Themselves Is Becoming More Marked Every Day. The Young Female In
This Case Was, I Understand, A Barmaid. It Is Deplorable That Our
Young Men Should Allow Themselves To Get Into Such
Entanglements."
"The Wonder To Me," Said The Irrepressible Mr. Judson, "Is That
More Of These Young Chaps Don't Get Put Through It. His Lordship
Wasn't So Wide Of The Mark When He Spoke Like That To Freddie In
The Library That Time. I Give You My Word, It's A Mercy Young
Freddie Hasn't Been Up Against It! When We Were In London,
Freddie And I," He Went On, Cutting Through Mr. Beach's
Disapproving Cough, "Before What You Might Call The Crash, When
His Lordship Cut Off Supplies And Had Him Come Back And Live
Here, Freddie Was Asking For It--Believe Me! Fell In Love With A
Girl In The Chorus Of One Of The Theaters. Used To Send Me To The
Stage Door With Notes And Flowers Every Night For Weeks, As
Regular As Clockwork.
"What Was Her Name? It's On The Tip Of My Tongue. Funny How You
Forget These Things! Freddie Was Pretty Far Gone. I Recollect
Once, Happening To Be Looking Round His Room In His Absence,
Coming On A Poem He Had Written To Her. It Was Hot Stuff--Very
Hot! If That Girl Has Kept Those Letters It's My Belief We Shall
See Freddie Following In Lord Stockheath's Footsteps."
There Was A Hush Of Delighted Horror Round The Table.
"Goo'," Said Miss Chester's Escort With Unction. "You Don't Say
So, Mr. Judson! It Wouldn't Half Make Them Look Silly If The
Honorable Frederick Was Sued For Breach Just Now, With The
Wedding Coming On!"
"There Is No Danger Of That."
It Was Joan's Voice, And She Had Spoken With Such Decision That
She Had The Ear Of The Table Immediately. All Eyes Looked In Her
Direction. Ashe Was Struck With Her Expression. Her Eyes Were
Shining As Though She Were Angry; And There Was A Flush On Her
Face. A Phrase He Had Used In The Train Came Back To Him. She
Looked Like A Princess In Disguise.
"What Makes You Say That, Miss Simpson?" Inquired Judson,
Annoyed. He Had Been At Pains To Make The Company's Flesh Creep,
And It Appeared To Be Joan's Aim To Undo His Work.
It Seemed To Ashe That Joan Made An Effort Of Some Sort As Though
She Were Pulling Herself Together And Remembering Where She Was.
"Well," She Said, Almost Lamely, "I Don't Think It At All Likely
That He Proposed Marriage To This Girl."
Chapter 5 Pg 99
"You Never Can Tell," Said Judson. "My Impression Is That Freddie
Did. It's My Belief That There's Something On His Mind These
Days. Before He Went To London With His Lordship The Other Day He
Was Behaving Very Strange. And Since He Came Back It's My Belief
That He Has Been Brooding. And I Happen To Know He Followed The
Affair Of Lord Stockheath Pretty Closely, For He Clipped The
Clippings Out Of The Paper. I Found Them Myself One Day When I
Happened To Be Going Through His Things."
Beach Cleared His Throat--His Mode Of Indicating That He Was
About To Monopolize The Conversation.
"And In Any Case, Miss Simpson," He Said Solemnly, "With Things
Come To The Pass They Have Come To, And The Juries--Drawn From
The Lower Classes--In The Nasty Mood They're In, It Don't Seem
Hardly Necessary In These Affairs For There To Have Been Any
Definite Promise Of Marriage. What With All This Socialism
Rampant, They Seem So Happy At The Idea Of Being Able To Do One
Of Us An Injury That They Give Heavy Damages Without It. A Few
Ardent Expressions, And That's Enough For Them. You Recollect The
Havant Case, And When Young Lord Mount Anville Was Sued? What It
Comes To Is That Anarchy Is Getting The Upper Hand, And The Lower
Classes Are Getting Above Themselves. It's All These Here Cheap
Newspapers That Does It. They Tempt The Lower Classes To Get
Above Themselves.
"Only This Morning I Had To Speak Severe To That Young Fellow,
James, The Footman. He Was A Good Young Fellow Once And Did His
Work Well, And Had A Proper Respect For People; But Now He's Gone
All To Pieces. And Why? Because Six Months Ago He Had The
Rheumatism, And Had The Audacity To Send His Picture And A
Testimonial, Saying That It Had Cured Him Of Awful Agonies, To
Walkinshaw's Supreme Ointment, And They Printed It In Half A
Dozen Papers; And It Has Been The Ruin Of James. He Has Got Above
Himself And Don't Care For Nobody."
"Well, All I Can Say Is," Resumed Judson, "That I Hope To
Goodness Nothing Won't Happen To Freddie
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