The end. - Kristina Wesolowski (booksvooks TXT) 📗

was ended when I realized what the wheels and what the quote all meant. How could I of not known right away, it was so clear the whole time. Becoming panicked and upset I shouted out loud in fear. The wheels, the quote, it all symbolized karma. A wheel goes around and comes right back around each and every time, just as karma does. I did a very bad thing last night now I must be punished. My god is to punish me for impersonating him and this frightened me as if I were a young girl and not a grown man. Death would be a gentle and kind discipline compared to what I had coming. I knew that my punishment would be far worse than simple death. My lungs felt as if they had been filled with baby powder and I was suffocating with each attempted breath. The best thing to do at this point was to calm myself but I wasn’t sure how to do so. After several minutes of trying to relax, my breathing once again became normal. What I needed to do now was to just take some time to rationally think about what my punishment was going to be and to accept it. It didn’t take long for me to remember that tonight I had a date with Destiny. Another clear sign that I saw right past, “A date with destiny“. Destiny was no gorgeous perfect woman but instead she was my punisher disguised. My eyes filled with tears as my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. I loved Destiny with all that I had and she was not true.
Everything good about this morning had quickly turned awful. My heart felt as if a ferocious lion were using it as a chew toy and I found out that tonight I would be disciplined for my dreadful actions. Scared is an understatement when describing the way I felt at that moment. Imagine knowing that in just a matter of hours you will be damned to unbearable torture and intense misery, try and think of how you would feel. I had to do something and do it quick. Perhaps I was given the clues as a chance to figure everything out and stop it before it stopped me. The dream, the wheels, the quote, they were all clues and I solved the puzzle! I had to kill Destiny before she could release her wrath onto my soul. I knew that my task would not be an easy one but it had to be done, and done immediately. 14277 Zirderville Drive was the address that Destiny had given to me for when I was to pick her up for our date. Her house was no more than 14 minutes away from mine, I knew that I could be there in no real time at all. It would only take about one hour of my day to go there and to be back, just one hour to account for.
I went in somewhat of a crazed trance with the recollection of only small parts of my journey to Destiny’s. It felt as though I kept falling out of my body and by the time I entered back into it I was doing some horrible thing. My senses had gone from me and all that was left was my sight, which came and gone. The man who aggressively drove that car over to Destiny’s home was an absolute stranger, someone I had never known to be living inside of my subconscious. A violent, horrible man who caused two careless accidents and very well may have taken the life of a pedestrian. I am no sane man I can tell you that but neither am I insane. My sanity lies somewhere in between the boundary of the two, leaving me as normal as the next guy.
I didn’t know how long I had sat parked in front of her house but if I had a guess it would be just over an hour. Not once in that time did my eyes leave the tranced stare I held of the gravel in front of me. It felt as though I was not in my body the entire time but in another world that consisted simply of thoughts. My thoughts were the only thing that were real and I could think myself any life I chose to. But that world is only temporary and then I’m brought right back to reality. Its as though I am asleep but still function as if I were awake, but without being aware of my doings. I’m completely opened to my thoughts and closed from my actions
By the time I had waken from my trance, Destiny was dead. I woke up to the image of my love stabbed to death and with the knife in my hands. I absolutely knew what I had just done but was unable to accept it. With the sight of the murder, my memories hit me hard like a bullet to my heart. Destiny had not been something greater but the woman who was meant to match my soul, and I murdered her. She was gone forever, dead by the knife I held firmly in my left hand. All at once my horrible regrets for all of the people I had selfishly murdered surfaced and I was appalled. I was ashamed of the person I had quickly become and hated myself with fiery passion from hell. The true reason though for my intense hatred of my own self is that although I feel sick from my actions I was also filled with extreme delight and anxiety. With every ounce of me I wanted to kill and feel the power fill my veins. The only thing holding me back from my passion was my regret, and it was held by a thinning thread.
My eyes were unable to see anything other than my murdered love. As I gazed upon the blood that was dripping from that perfect set of lips that I never even had the chance to embrace, I cried. My mouth began to move but no words came out.
“Destiny!” I wanted so badly to scream her name. But for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to speak. I gave up trying and made my way over to where Destiny lay bloody and motionless. Kneeling down beside her I locked my fingers to her still warm ones and just sat there, next to her in tears. I fantasized about what our life together could have been like if I had not killed her. We would have been married somewhere on a beautiful beach and said our “I dos” just as the sun were setting. And in the seconds before our lips met making her my wife I would whisper to her “I love you” and she would know that my love would last forever. Our three children Frank, Warren, and little Rosie would all be lovely and extremely pleasing to look at. Frank and Warren are fraternal twins and very protective of their darling baby sister Rosie. I saw what my life would have been, but now never could. I saw the faces of my children who can never exist now all because I was so weak to my emotions. I murdered not only the lady that I loved but also our future children. My body began trembling uncontrollably as I felt myself losing my mind. All in one tragic night I was the murderer of my entire family which brought me to a total of 7 killings at my hand.
Like a tidal wave I was overcome and overwhelmed with horrid feelings and terrible shock. Realizing that the strand of my liberation had quite rapidly turned into murdering, I was my own worst nightmare. What began as a selfless act has turned me into a beast and I fear that the exhilaration now owned me. Everything now had become so difficult and I could actually feel each day losing more and more color. Just yesterday the sky was a little more blue and the birds sang louder than they do today. The world is fading into nothing and I see it with each second of each day.
With blurred eyes I made a pitiful attempt to get up off the floor next to where my dead lover laid. It felt as if I were going blind from all of the trauma I had just experienced. My vision was tunneled and darkening quickly as I felt the strength being sucked from my limbs. I didn’t remember falling, just getting up from my knees and being confused as to how I had gotten onto them. The day hadn’t been a particularly cold one but was not nearly warm enough to account for the sweat that had been pouring from every possible gland in my body. Perhaps I, myself were dying. Or maybe I was just experiencing bitter sweet reality. Whichever the case it made no difference for both felt the same. I’m not sure if I died that day or just went completely mad. There is one thing though that I was am still very sure of and that is, that my actions would open the eyes of my brothers and of my sisters. The evil that I had unfolded would surely help to convince the world that bad things are soon to come. In the beginning, I wanted nothing more than for everyone to realize the doom destined for our planet. But, now I realized that we were never supposed to know. I am the perfect example of why us humans should have been completely ignorant of what was coming. I created a monster out of myself and ruined any chances of happiness that I could have had in the remaining time of my life. Humans are complex and have a strong endurance of pain to go with their countless emotions and feelings. But, the numerous amount of enabled feelings in just one human can make for a disaster when they become panicked. Immediately fears of and end, of a burning pain, of losing all that made them happy, and of each memory of the people who matter most will rush together and cause an explosion deep inside. Physical pain is nothing remotely close to the internal kind. You can slit my throat and dance on my lungs and I will heal but tell me that I have lost what I hold dear and I will shatter. If the hand of my lover has been buried into the dirt and that her lips have gone cold I would drown myself in the very tears I cry for her.
In the time that it took for me to realize all that I had, that dark dreary day I had damned myself and my soul. I still speculate on what happened to me upon coming to figure out all that I had done because my memory told me nothing. Some days I believe that I died, killing myself as punishment for my crimes. Other days though I think that I went absolutely mad and I live in this world I have created. Nonetheless I know for certain that where I now live is not reality but a mocking imitation of it. No longer did I have control of my body let alone my mind, I was a complete stranger to myself. Imagine the feeling of not knowing who you were and of being absolutely terrified of the person inside of your body, the one who controls each thought and every movement you make. I suppose I just could not handle the pain of realizing what I had become and therefore I decided that becoming lost would be easiest. The true reason as to why, I couldn’t tell as much as I