Travels Through France And Italy - Tobias Smollett (diy ebook reader .TXT) 📗
- Author: Tobias Smollett
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The Most Unwearied Importunity: He Asks The Price Of Every Thing
You Wear, And, So Sure As You Tell Him Undervalues It, Without
Hesitation: He Affirms It Is In A Bad Taste, Ill-Contrived, Ill-Made;
That You Have Been Imposed Upon Both With Respect To The
Fashion And The Price; That The Marquise Of This, Or The Countess
Of That, Has One That Is Perfectly Elegant, Quite In The Bon Ton,
And Yet It Cost Her Little More Than You Gave For A Thing That
Nobody Would Wear.
If There Were Five Hundred Dishes At Table, A Frenchman Will Eat
Of All Of Them, And Then Complain He Has No Appetite. This I Have
Several Times Remarked. A Friend Of Mine Gained A Considerable
Wager Upon An Experiment Of This Kind: The Petit Maitre Ate Of
Fourteen Different Plats, Besides The Dessert; Then Disparaged
The Cook, Declaring He Was No Better Than A Marmiton, Or
Turnspit.
The French Have The Most Ridiculous Fondness For Their Hair, And
This I Believe They Inherit From Their Remote Ancestors. The
First Race Of French Kings Were Distinguished By Their Long Hair,
And Certainly The People Of This Country Consider It As An
Indispensible Ornament. A Frenchman Will Sooner Part With His
Religion Than With His Hair, Which, Indeed, No Consideration Will
Induce Him To Forego. I Know A Gentleman Afflicted With A
Continual Head-Ach, And A Defluxion On His Eyes, Who Was Told By
His Physician That The Best Chance He Had For Being Cured, Would
Be To Have His Head Close Shaved, And Bathed Every Day In Cold
Water. "How (Cried He) Cut My Hair? Mr. Doctor, Your Most Humble
Servant!" He Dismissed His Physician, Lost His Eye-Sight, And
Almost His Senses, And Is Now Led About With His Hair In A Bag,
And A Piece Of Green Silk Hanging Like A Screen Before His Face.
Count Saxe, And Other Military Writers Have Demonstrated The
Absurdity Of A Soldier's Wearing A Long Head Of Hair;
Nevertheless, Every Soldier In This Country Wears A Long Queue,
Which Makes A Delicate Mark On His White Cloathing; And This
Ridiculous Foppery Has Descended Even To The Lowest Class Of
People. The Decrotteur, Who Cleans Your Shoes At The Corner Of
The Pont Neuf, Has A Tail Of This Kind Hanging Down To His Rump,
And Even The Peasant Who Drives An Ass Loaded With Dung, Wears
His Hair En Queue, Though, Perhaps, He Has Neither Shirt Nor
Breeches. This Is The Ornament Upon Which He Bestows Much Time
And Pains, And In The Exhibition Of Which He Finds Full
Gratification For His Vanity. Considering The Harsh Features Of
The Common People In This Country, Their Diminutive Stature,
Their Grimaces, And That Long Appendage, They Have No Small
Resemblance To Large Baboons Walking Upright; And Perhaps This
Similitude Has Helped To Entail Upon Them The Ridicule Of Their
Part 7 Letter 7 ( To Mrs. M--. Paris, October, 12, 1763..) Pg 95Neighbours.
A French Friend Tires Out Your Patience With Long Visits; And,
Far From Taking The Most Palpable Hints To Withdraw, When He
Perceives You Uneasy He Observes You Are Low-Spirited, And
Therefore He Will Keep You Company. This Perseverance Shews That
He Must Either Be Void Of Penetration, Or That His Disposition
Must Be Truly Diabolical. Rather Than Be Tormented With Such A
Fiend, A Man Had Better Turn Him Out Of Doors, Even Though At The
Hazard Of Being Run Thro' The Body.
The French Are Generally Counted Insincere, And Taxed With Want
Of Generosity. But I Think These Reproaches Are Not Well Founded.
High-Flown Professions Of Friendship And Attachment Constitute
The Language Of Common Compliment In This Country, And Are Never
Supposed To Be Understood In The Literal Acceptation Of The
Words; And, If Their Acts Of Generosity Are But Very Rare, We
Ought To Ascribe That Rarity, Not So Much To A Deficiency Of
Generous Sentiments, As To Their Vanity And Ostentation, Which
Engrossing All Their Funds, Utterly Disable Them From Exerting
The Virtues Of Beneficence. Vanity, Indeed, Predominates Among
All Ranks, To Such A Degree, That They Are The Greatest Egotists
In The World; And The Most Insignificant Individual Talks In
Company With The Same Conceit And Arrogance, As A Person Of The
Greatest Importance. Neither Conscious Poverty Nor Disgrace Will
Restrain Him In The Least Either From Assuming His Full Share Of
The Conversation, Or Making Big Addresses To The Finest Lady,
Whom He Has The Smallest Opportunity To Approach: Nor Is He
Restrained By Any Other Consideration Whatsoever. It Is All One
To Him Whether He Himself Has A Wife Of His Own, Or The Lady A
Husband; Whether She Is Designed For The Cloister, Or Pre-Ingaged
To His Best Friend And Benefactor. He Takes It For Granted That
His Addresses Cannot But Be Acceptable; And, If He Meets With A
Repulse, He Condemns Her Taste; But Never Doubts His Own
Qualifications.
I Have A Great Many Things To Say Of Their Military Character,
And Their Punctilios Of Honour, Which Last Are Equally Absurd And
Pernicious; But As This Letter Has Run To An Unconscionable
Length, I Shall Defer Them Till Another Opportunity. Mean-While,
I Have The Honour To Be, With Very Particular Esteem--Madam, Your
Most Obedient Servant.
Part 7 Letter 8 ( To Mr. M-- Lyons, October 19, 1763.) Pg 96
Dear Sir,--I Was Favoured With Yours At Paris, And Look Upon Your
Reproaches As The Proof Of Your Friendship. The Truth Is, I
Considered All The Letters I Have Hitherto Written On The Subject
Of My Travels, As Written To Your Society In General, Though They
Have Been Addressed To One Individual Of It; And If They Contain
Any Thing That Can Either Amuse Or Inform, I Desire That
Henceforth All I Send May Be Freely Perused By All The Members.
With Respect To My Health, About Which You So Kindly Enquire, I
Have Nothing New To Communicate. I Had Reason To Think That My
Bathing In The Sea At Boulogne Produced A Good Effect, In
Strengthening My Relaxed Fibres. You Know How Subject I Was To
Colds In England; That I Could Not Stir Abroad After Sun-Set, Nor
Expose Myself To The Smallest Damp, Nor Walk Till The Least
Moisture Appeared On My Skin, Without Being Laid Up For Ten Days
Or A Fortnight. At Paris, However, I Went Out Every Day, With My
Hat Under My Arm, Though The Weather Was Wet And Cold: I Walked
In The Garden At Versailles Even After It Was Dark, With My Head
Uncovered, On A Cold Evening, When The Ground Was Far From Being
Dry: Nay, At Marli, I Sauntered Above A Mile Through Damp Alleys,
And Wet Grass: And From None Of These Risques Did I Feel The
Least Inconvenience.
In One Of Our Excursions We Visited The Manufacture For
Porcelain, Which The King Of France Has Established At The
Village Of St. Cloud, On The Road To Versailles, And Which Is,
Indeed, A Noble Monument Of His Munificence. It Is A Very Large
Building, Both Commodious And Magnificent, Where A Great Number
Of Artists Are Employed, And Where This Elegant Superfluity Is
Carried To As Great Perfection As It Ever Was At Dresden. Yet,
After All, I Know Not Whether The Porcelain Made At Chelsea May
Not Vie With The Productions Either Of Dresden, Or St. Cloud. If
It Falls Short Of Either, It Is Not In The Design, Painting,
Enamel, Or Other Ornaments, But Only In The Composition Of The
Metal, And The Method Of Managing It In The Furnace. Our
Porcelain Seems To Be A Partial Vitrification Of Levigated Flint
And Fine Pipe Clay, Mixed Together In A Certain Proportion; And
If The Pieces Are Not Removed From The Fire In The Very Critical
Moment, They Will Be Either Too Little, Or Too Much Vitrified. In
The First Case, I Apprehend They Will Not Acquire A Proper Degree
Of Cohesion; They Will Be Apt To Be Corroded, Discoloured, And To
Part 7 Letter 8 ( To Mr. M-- Lyons, October 19, 1763.) Pg 97Crumble, Like The First Essays That Were Made At Chelsea; In The
Second Case, They Will Be Little Better Than Imperfect Glass.
There Are Three Methods Of Travelling From Paris To Lyons, Which,
By The Shortest Road Is A Journey Of About Three Hundred And
Sixty Miles. One Is By The Diligence, Or Stagecoach, Which
Performs It In Five Days; And Every Passenger Pays One Hundred
Livres, In Consideration Of Which, He Not Only Has A Seat In The
Carriage, But Is Maintained On The Road. The Inconveniences
Attending This Way Of Travelling Are These. You Are Crouded Into
The Carriage, To The Number Of Eight Persons, So As To Sit Very
Uneasy, And Sometimes Run The Risque Of Being Stifled Among Very
Indifferent Company. You Are Hurried Out Of Bed, At Four, Three,
Nay Often At Two O'clock In The Morning. You Are Obliged To Eat
In The French Way, Which Is Very Disagreeable To An English
Palate; And, At Chalons, You Must Embark Upon The Saone In A
Boat, Which Conveys You To Lyons, So That The Two Last Days Of
Your Journey Are By Water. All These Were Insurmountable
Objections To Me, Who Am In Such A Bad State Of Health, Troubled
With An Asthmatic Cough, Spitting, Slow Fever, And Restlessness,
Which Demands A Continual Change Of Place, As Well As Free Air,
And Room For Motion. I Was This Day Visited By Two Young
Gentlemen, Sons Of Mr. Guastaldi, Late Minister From Genoa At
London. I Had Seen Them At Paris, At The House Of The Dutchess Of
Douglas. They Came Hither, With Their Conductor, In The
Diligence, And Assured Me, That Nothing Could Be More
Disagreeable Than Their Situation In That Carriage.
Another Way Of Travelling In This Country Is To Hire A Coach And
Four Horses; And This Method I Was Inclined To Take: But When I
Went To The Bureau, Where Alone These Voitures Are To Be Had, I
Was Given To Understand, That It Would Cost Me Six-And-Twenty
Guineas, And Travel So Slow That I Should Be Ten Days Upon The
Road. These Carriages Are Let By The Same Persons Who Farm The
Diligence; And For This They Have An Exclusive Privilege, Which
Makes Them Very Saucy And Insolent. When I Mentioned My Servant,
They Gave Me To Understand, That I Must Pay Two Loui'dores More
For His Seat Upon The Coach Box. As I Could Not Relish These
Terms, Nor Brook The Thoughts Of Being So Long Upon
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