Bad Boy Fell Hard by Mushabe Melisa (i want to read a book .TXT) 📗

Chapter 20

Repressed memory.

This is a condition where your mind blocks out all the memories that are depressing and which your brain tries to bury. But even though you block them out and bury them, they will never stay where they are. They always find a way to get back.

This is the same with what happened with Seth. Even though, i hide that memory away, something has to come up and it is pulled out for example in this situation. I can't hide this from my friends. They have been with me since day one and it won't be good if they find out from someone else, which in this case nobody else knows, i hope, except Seth.

"Guys can we please go to a room privately? I have something important to tell you all." I say softly.

They notice my change in mood, "Are you okay?" Pat asks.

"Let's go up to the room." Amelia says. The girls lead me upstairs as I get lost in my thoughts. God, this is going to be so hard for me.

"We're here." Melisa breaks me from my trance and i look around the huge room with a lot of sleeping bags and games. It looks like it was designed for sleepovers. We all take seats on the floor and make a circle. The girls don't say anything but keep silent waiting for me to go ahead and tell them. I take a deep breath and start,

"There is a reason i am who i am today with all this attitude and all. It takes a broken heart and soul to build a strong character."

"I used to be a very good, shy, quiet and humble girl back in Seattle. I used to dream of finding my Prince Charming, my Edward Cullen, my Christian Grey, my happily ever after. I was so desperate for love that when i found it, i jumped straight into it."

"I remember having a crush on Dannon back in middle school but then i met Seth Jacobs, my ex boyfriend. Our relationship started off very well and he was like the perfect boyfriend i always wanted. My family loved him except Tayler, my older brother who always had a feeling there was something off about Seth. He used to take me to parties with his friends, come at my place and hang out, take me to random restaurants for dates, you know the usual boyfriend stuff."

"He then started to emotionally abuse me, i don't know the reason for that abuse up to now. Emotional is just as bad as physical abuse, even worse. You can heal a broken bone but not a broken mind. He started calling me very abusive names. He made me feel like everything was my fault and i was always the guilty one in every situation. He was very possessive whereby i wasn't allowed to talk to any guy or even sit next to them in class. He always isolated me from his male friends and blamed his behavior on me. He called me very insulting things that made me feel unloved.." My voice starts to shake.

"I couldn't tell anyone because he threatened to kill my friends, Alex, Allison and Sammy plus my family too since he was part of some mafia gang. I was so scared and helpless." My voice breaks as tears start to flow down my cheeks and i let out a choked sob. Pat starts rubbing my back soothingly.

"Then one day, i went to his house to tell him i was done with him and i wanted to break up with him. He didn't take the news very well though. The following day, he went and....." i choke on a sob and tears fall down my cheeks as i start to cry

"He- he - he killed my best friend, Allison." I say and sob into my hands. "He killed her and sent a picture of the dead body to me." I say while recalling the memory as a shiver runs up my spine.

"He blamed me for the death of Allison, and told her parents about it who pressed charges against me for killing their daughter. Seth said if i dare report him, he would kill my other friends and my parents too."

"My parents didn't believe all that happened because there was no proof at all and it was all unbelievable. I was very traumatized that i was silent and couldn't utter a single word. My parents called in a therapist. I didn't tell him a single word for like two days and then when they told me that this involves jail time, i just let it all out, everything Seth had done to me, the pictures he sent to my phone."

"Everything was then settled, Seth was sentenced to a life time in jail, turned out he used to also deal in drugs and human trafficking." I say and burst out crying imagining what would have happened if i was trafficked.

"I wasn't settled though, i was emotionally broken and torn into pieces. I was traumatized and scared. When Tayler had about all this, he wasn't happy and was almost killing Seth but i told him not to because i would never forgive him and i didn't want to lose him if he ever went to jail."

"My therapist tried to help me day by day to recover but it was very hard since no one at school knew about what happened between Seth and i, but people used to always bring it back and ask. My friends Alex and Sammy used to ask about Allison and i couldn't bring myself to tell them."

"Tayler decided to give me self defense lessons to help my inner self, i went into training and built a strong character and strong walls around me. I promised myself to never let myself be that weak."

"Then my father decided to move us here since Seattle had very many bad memories, i often had bad dreams about Seth coming back and killing my loved ones. On that day of moving, we found out Seth killed himself  because of over use of drugs. That was supposed to make me feel happy but it didn't. I was still haunted by those memories."

"In spite of being broken inside, i always tried to hide myself behind a smiley mask and try to show i was happy but actually i was sad and broken on the inside." I continue to cry. My shirt is soaked in tears and my voice is hoarse from all the crying.

I finish and turn to my friends who all have tears piercing their eyes, they don't have any pity look which i am happy about because i don't need anyone's pity. When someone pities you, it makes situations even worse because you just break down further that's why i hate pity

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