Why can't I end it all - Jazzy (e ink epub reader .txt) 📗

I move from place to place wandering if I'll ever actually get to stay longengph to have friends. How do I live life knowing I'm not truly happy? How do I live knowing I don't get my mom in my arms? How do I know I truly have friends when I feel like I do not have any? How do I have empty ness inside me telling me to stand up and say how I really feel I do as others say and say what they want to hear wihli I don't have the curege to stand up for myself. How am I indikiar hoping no one will look at me? How do I dream a perfect life but can't get it. Do I really belong hear or do I belong in a world of hate that's going on in my life. How then do I live knowing I want to die inside because no one knows who I really am and how I always feel down and dipresst when everyone assumes I'm happy. So how do I really know you love me when you can't look into my eyes and see im hurting inside and that I don't want to be hear. And yet some how I have friends that arnt really my freinds. How is it why can't I come to a conclution. Why do I get picked on when I want to save the world and it's problems. Why can't I come to the conclution to end my life is it because I know my family loves me yet they still don't know me or is it me liking the pain asking for the brake down I need to end it all by swallowing the bottole of piles and down myself into nothing ness. Am I crazy or mad how can I live with myself knowing I'm a frode of not being who I want to be or knowing I want to die how can I halo myself this is how my story goses listen carfully and u will see for I will only tell this story once to u and then no more H

My mom met this guy named jack he claimed to have said he loved her but from we're I'm standing I don't think so. They were in high school they had me a age 17 hu mom then dropped outt of school to care for me but the jack the jack a** dint care he drroped out with her as soon as they get maried now I'm thinking mom what have u done right now I knows this might be boring right now just stick with me hear. So there fine wright wrong the prick starts to beat my mom now u would think she would leave the man but no instead she clamins she really loves him who in there wright mind love a abusive guy like him. Jack is always drinking and smoking with his freinds while mom dose all the work. After a year she is still withhim mom then has another baby that makes 2 kids in the hous she can badly around what now she does no give a dam she still loves him agh. Skip ahed my mom has my brother four years later she still hasent learnd so one day he comes in and thretin to kill my mom me and my sister and my brother are really scared were crying heas yelling so my mom finely makes the right chose by telling him I have to go get some more diapers so she instead goes to my ants and calls the cops I'm thinking it's about dam time I was four and I knew this was so rong of her but all I did was be the older sis thinking there my responsibility. We go back to get our stuff cops are there he then thretins to kill us so we're all scared except my mom who knows hill be there a long time. A year vise by we're on the steet living in churches andfreinds homes I'm still not liking this I'm so no happy yet am In a way so yer go by we almost get too ken away we get separated I now live with my ant and my bother and sis live with my cussin my mom lives now in yellow stone working as a dish washer. Sorry it. May have been boring rate tehe bu I had to get throu that so I can now start my story At the age of 10

We settled down and found a house now my mom has found another guy. I personally think there is something odd about this guy. Yesterday he seemed to be careful around us all it seemed and be more nice I'm now concerned for everyone he spent the night and is now Ganja live with us at least he has a job. I woke up to my sister hitting me it the face as she slept we don't get our own room except my brother lucky duck. Stop hitting me or I'm Ganja tell mom now and u don’t want her up in here! I shout in her ear. What the hell I'm sleeping hear leave me alone she shouts just as bad as I am. MOM sis is hitting me a gene I yell in her face and smirk. She shuts up and glares at me while mom comes in. You 2 needs to be nicer to each other now both of u get up now so I can help your brother and new step dad out or u are grounded end of story now go get ready for the day mom said in a bad mood now which means we have to get our own breakfast. My sis stomps of as I get ready for today with a blue tank top and some short shorts with my matching blue vans which were not that much. As I got my bowl of cereal my sis comes stomping in with her teddy bare shouting why did u change my bears outfit. I tell her I don't touch her and she stomps away about ready to punch someone. She is so stupid last week she said I did the same thing she has issues with her bear when she changes his clothes. I’m so tired of being the normal one yet I feel like an outcast at school I hate how people make fun of me just because I’m the white girl in a Hispanic school when I am really one of them i just look white like my mom but my real father was Hispanic to so I’m half and half. I go outside and clime over the fence to the naboores house as I get to the ground staci yells in my ear about time u got hear lets test out my new pool we hug excitedly and change in her room some of my cloths ar in there when I need to get away from my dumb life. As we get in her new pool we see some of my brothers friends staring it’s like they don’t have a life. Then they started out of no ware whispering and laphing now I’m mad so me and her grab are towels do the same thing tell they walk off. Ok that was weierd staci said in a whisper ya that was weird why are we whispering i say whispering for no aperint reason. I don’t now I though the little boys were listening she said you’re stupid now let’s get wet and pardy away from my life.

Publication Date: 06-02-2012

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