Being the way I am......Being Emo - Bullet789(Clarissa) Romero (inspirational books .TXT) 📗

Chapter 1-Someday scissors will be for paper again

 When we were little we thought scissors would always be for paper. But as we got older we thought we could use them for something else... and that is to cut. We cut because we hope and hope it will help take away the pain. But in reality we all just wanna be saved. When I was little I loved to make paper snowflakes for Christmas but know I stopped using scissors for paper anymore. I used scissors to cut deep into my wrist. Our lives don't always go as they are planned but we think it is okay to try and fix our lives by cutting. I used to be cutter I know ow good it feels when scissor touch your skin then u see the blood... all you do is let it run down your arm. In that second all your pain is gone...but your left with that scar on your wrist forever. I Have gone through this a lot of times. I've lied to my friends and told them that I stopped but I was just cutting on my legs where they couldn't see. When I have really stopped it felt good not to have to hide my scars. After 3 years of not cutting I started again...I thought I needed to cut again My life started to get turned upside down, and I needed something to escape the pain. Right know I am on and off cutting I do cut once in a while but not as much as I used to. Someday I hope and pray that I will use scissors for paper again and not for my wrists.

Chapter 2-One day razors will be for shaving again

 When we were younger we thought that razors were only for shaving. But now everything has changed we use razors to get plain straight cuts on our wrists. When I first started to cut I just used needles, which was stupid but ya. The first time I cut with a razor was about 4 years ago. A year before I stopped cutting. My best friend had given it to me to cut something....but before we new my wrist was cut. I was bleeding pretty bad, even though it was only a tiny line it hurt like hell. Even today I still cut with razors I have been trying to stop but I can't. I never want to be as bad I was though. I hurt a lot of people with what I did. Today I do not take my jacket I don't want anyone to see the scars. When I'm in my jacket I feel safe....safer then I've ever felt.

Chapter 3-Soon food will be for eating again

 When we were little we were told that we would have to eat. But know some of us don't eat at all. I stopped wanting to eat wen I turned 12 I thought I was fat because when I was little I was skinny. So I started to hate my body. And I still do I'm 16 now. And I've been starving myself so that I could be skinny.... sometimes I look in the mirror and see nothing but fat. Other times I see someone who can do better then what she lets people see. Today I love myself more then I think I should..... I still really don't eat but I'm working on it. I've been doing a lot more things. I just don't want to hurt anymore of my friends... Because I used to cut I've lost some friends... We are talking again but I don't know if we will even good friends again. I've learned that it is okay for me to take of my jacket once in a while I will but I get weird without it, so I put it back on. But now I've been okay without my jacket:)

 

Chapter 4-Someday cutting will be arts and crafts again

 

When we were all little I'm sure that when we were little we liked art. Well when I was little I love art, I like to cut things into random shapes. But know I don't only cut paper I am a cutter and cut all over my body my wrists,legs, even my stomach. I have lots of scars I have to hide. Ever since I was 12 I have been a cutter I stopped for 3 years at the age of 13 I'm 16 and yes I have been cutting again. But I am trying to stop.... I've had to look at some of the people I hangout with..because in reality they are the ones that have been causing to to cut again. At first I ignored it thinking it was just stress, but no they caused me pain and they never knew but I did. I still have my friends I did lose some because they couldn't except the fact that I had scars.

 

My boyfriend Travis.......we talk a lot…......but when he sees my scars you can tell it hurts him.

 

Nicole thinks that I was stupid to cut in the first place all my problem were still there.

 

Chris hates me because of my scars every chance he gets he tells me that I was stupid.

 

Logan I don't know how he feels about them he never really said anything about them.

 

Bobby says its okay but I know he don't like them.

 

Maddy thinks that there are other ways to deal with your problemes beside physical pain... Don't do it!!!

 

Alex thinks that cutting is stupid when there are better things to do.

 

They all different thoughts about my scars but I'm glade they told me what they were.

Chapter 5- Someday sadness will be temporary again

 

 

 

When I was little I was only sad for a little bit. But now I am always sad...I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I try my hardest to be happy and everything. But it don't last for but a second. I could just be sitting here and everything will hit me... all my sadness, my hurt, my pain, all my hate, everything. I've been hurt a lot...and I've hurt a lot of people, because of the way I am. I don't wanna have to cut to be happy but, when I cut it feels like all my pain just goes away. I've tried y hardest to stop and I've stopped a couple times.... but then something happens n I need to cut so I do. But recently I've learned that I don't need cuts to feel better.

 

Chapter 6- One day life will be fun again

 

Chapter 6- One day life will be fun again

 

 

I've loved life but at some points I've just hated it so much. When I was little I had so much fun but now I just wanna die. I live in a one bed room house with my mom, Nana. Tata, Uncle and my twin sister Marissa. My mom and my sister share a room my uncle turned the spare room in to a room for me. Him, my nana and tata sleep in the living room. My life has been falling apart.

I started to cut at the age of 12. I'm 16 now, its only been 4 years but 3 years ago I was horrible I started dressing all gothic I was turning into something I'd thought I'd be. I was a cutter at the age of 12. When I was 15 it was the worst I never wanted to do anything that involved me putting down my blade,. I admit it was stupid.......I was stupid. Now that I look back and see what I did believe me I feel stupid for even doing that. I wish I had never started to cut.........it messed up my life. I just wanted to be saved.