Shatter - Katt Slaughter (red white royal blue .txt) 📗

" Breve, It's not you, its me." She says, holding my hands tight, hoping I wouldn't pull away. Her hands were soft and for some reason, this moment still didn't settle into my thoughts yet. I know whats going on, but its not analyzing correctly.
I let my head tilt, so I could look at my feet threw the opening in our arms.
"Actually, It sorta is you." Her voice speaks clearly but felt like a knife stabbing into my heart. I shoot my head up and look into her eyes, she stairs back. I cant speak and right now that is absolutely fine with me, at least for the time being.
"Lets Face it Breve, you're way to low self esteemed. and How could you really think someone else is beautiful when you cant even look in the mirror without being disgusted with yourself? You can't."
"But I can." I say unmeaning to. I cant believe I just spoke, but as I did my vision found its way back to my feet. I kick the ground softly.
"You can't." She speaks firmly. "You just can't. and Honestly, I really don't no what I seen in you... You arnt that good looking. So I understand why you think low of yourself." My body freezes. I cant believe she just said that to me. It honestly makes me want to name her flaws as well, like taking two hours to get ready, I understand girls need time to get ready, but normally a hour or a half a hour is fine, but Tiffany needs the hole god damn two hours, and sometimes it ends up three, it really depends on if she gets distracted or not.
People begin to look at us, as we stand in line at Tim Hortans, I feel like we are making a scene, even though only a few people can hear us.
"Oh.. Breven." She sighs.
"We don't even spend that much time together, your always with that girl.. which, always makes me feel like your cheating." I pull my hands away from hers and stood still in front of her.
"Her name is Jasmine." I say with anger .
"What ever Breve, your just a waist of time, and I'm sorry but its over. Your a failer, I'm a winner. I'm sorry," she paused, and it felt as if she was stabbing me over, and over, I wish the pain would just... stop.
" We could still be friends?"
"Go to hell Tiffany." I hiss under my breath.
I could tell she wanted to hold my hand or something, because she reached her arm to grab mine, but held herself back.
"Go." I say, and she turned to walk away, one of the first times I had ever watched her walk away. and Hopefully it would be the last time I ever saw her, that way, I wouldn't have to watch her walk away again.
The walk home was... long... everything felt in slow motion. My brain spoke the same words she did, in her voice. It replayed, like a song you really like, so you leave it on replay. But this time, it wasn't something I wanted to here. It was like having Justin Beibers "Baby" replay over and over again, and If I'm not mistaken, no one wants that.
I wasn't far from home, I lived only a couple minutes away from a Tim Hortans, which now I really don't wanna go back.
I approach my house and look at the pathetic place I live. My dumb ass father left us with nothing, my mother is single parent trying to support a 16 year old boy.But still walking up the driveway felt like walking down the hall of shame.
The door pushes open, there is no need to turn a knob or anything along those lines. Felix my dog meets me at the door, sitting tall and proud wagging his tail. His eyes are wide, I mostly notice when they meet mine. He gives off a bark, as if he was greeting me.
"Hello." I speak softly tapping my hand against my side, making Felix stand and walk over to me. My hand meets the top of his head, I brush him softly. His hair feels like a almost velvet sheet of paper. I smiled at him as I thought, dogs a mans best friend, funny thing was Felix was actually mine.

~

I walk into my kitchen and toast a bagel, it was Sesame seed, Which of course was my favorite kind, the smell of the tan bagel serounded the room as It poped I grabbed it, having it burn my fingers. I drop the bagel and spread some butter on it, and then began to eat it slowly, Felix followed close behind as I begin to head upstairs, I swear that dog needs to learn about personal space, because for some reason, I felt as if I should have some.
My door was last one in the hall, It was perfect, it meant I was kept away from everyone else. Reaching for the doorknob I turn it balancing my bagel, I open it and stair blankly at my room. Felix stopped behind me, almost smacking into the back of my leg. I took a deep breath and just stared. But before I new it, I was crying.
Pictures of us were everywhere, One of us Kissing on the bedside table, a couple pictures of us doing different things in a picture frame on the wall.
My stomach flipped, I felt instantly sick, like my heart just sank into the bottom of my stomach.
I take a step forward, my vision became blurry already my head is pounding, and I felt I should sit down, but I couldn't make it. I fell to my knees, the tears streaming from my eyes.
"Tiffany.." I speak softly. "Why?" I ask already knowing the answer, in fact she told me herself. Felix walked around me and pushed himself against my four arm, I didn't even have the strength to pet the black lab, just the strength to cry on my floor.
My room is black, with neon green,blue, pink, orange, and yellow splatter. Pictures everywhere, and it felt like they were coming in close to me, showing that I was weak.
I pull my legs closer into my body, and hold my head, going into a fetal position. The pictures spun around me the images pierced my eyes. My mind kept bring up a picture of us, Her blonde hair in a pony tail hanging over her shoulder having her head lean on my shoulder, my head on hers, It was our very first date, almost 2 years ago. It was the picture that sat on my dresser, right beside the picture of Felix the day I brought him home.
The images wouldn't leave me alone, My sorrow started to become anger, but I didn't want to let that get the best of me. I may be young, but I really thought she was the one. But doesn't every teenager think that?
I place my hands flat on the ground and push myself up, I manage to crawl over to my bed, my hand shakes as I place them on the surface of the black comforter that had been neatly placed over my bed, I pull myself up and grab the picture of us kissing. My tears fall onto the frame. She told me she loved me, She lied to me. But I could never lie to her, I loved her... I love her.
My grip tighted the frame, and without self control I throw it, Smashing the mirror on my wall. I let out a scream, as I stand up and push everything off my dresser, having it fly across the room, the glass in the frames shattered, as did a little glass dog, my grandmother bought for me. The frame from the picture almost hit Felix, after jumping into the air, he ran out of the room, whimpering.
My anger takes over my body, I rush over to the picture frame hanging on the wall and throw it, it hits my bed side table that has a lamp on it, it shakes for a moment, unsure if it wanted to fall or not, but then of course it fell off shattering on the floor. This is when my body lets me send out another scream, like the lamp I fall to the floor. Glass pressed against my legs but that didn't stop me from having myself sprawl across the floor and that's exactly what I did, almost as if I was lifeless I lay saying nothing in the middle of my room. The glass pierced into my hand, giving me small cuts there, and on my legs.
As a pure romantic, Love is the most important thing to me, and she was mine. Her soothing voice, and wonderful personality made me always happy, and made me always wanna put my arms around her. But now she had become the person she always told me she'd never be, that ex, who breaks my heart.
Maybe by breaking all the stuff I care about was a little bit over dramatic, but it made me feel better, breaking something. The same way Tiffany broke me.
My body lays flat on a bed of "pins and needles" but for some reason me, myself wasn't here. I was drowning in a pool of my own thoughts, I was drowning as Tiffany stood beside the pool looking down at me. I struggle but she just watches me, in fact I swear I seen her let out a laugh, but me, I just kept calling her for help, help that I know for sure would never happen.

Publication Date: 05-05-2012

All Rights Reserved