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prologue

  I was just a girl. A average girl with an average dream. All i wanted in life was to marry my high school sweet heart and establish my career. But My nightmares seemed to collide with my dreams more than i ever thought possible. I was only a sophomore in high school when everything i thought was perfect went completely sideways. I remember like it was yesterday. Keely and i were walking to meet Deshawn at the park. Keely was my best friend. we had grown up together. our mothers had worked together so when we were little they would take us to the same babysitter so we could play together. over the years we just grew closer and closer. My parents had split when i was six. My dad was a surgeon in Atlanta and we lived in Cartersville, Georgia. My mom got tired of my dad always working so they got a divorce. Which back fired in her face because after their divorce his career blew up ten fold. The hours he worked weren't nearly as long and the pay was double what he was making. I didn't care about any of that though. I just loved being around my dad. We were very close when i was younger. Id go spend weekends in Atlanta with him and we'd do a little bit of everything. Any time i was unsure about anything in my life he was always the first person i would call on. He always gave me the best advice. My mom and i weren't very close. I hated living with her. Only reason i stayed is because my dad made me. The older i got though the more reasons i found to stay. I knew if i moved to Atlanta i would always be able to see Keely but after Deshawn and i got together i wouldn't be able to see him anymore. Everything i did was wrapped around him. I loved him with everything i had. Deshawn and i had a rough start to our relationship. It started out as a dare at the skating rink. We were little kids so it didn't really mean much at first. The older we got the more serious we became. When we first got together of course my parents were totally against it. Which made it unbelievably hard to stay together but we worked through it. Then of course you had the other girls at school who constantly flirted with Shawn but we even settled that. we loved each other and I thought that's all that counted.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Chapter one

 

 The wind was piercing my face and the sun was beating my back. "Woo it’s so hot!" Keely said as we walked towards the park. “I know I’m dying. I hope he hurries." she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why you two insist on meeting at the park every time he comes down. You know there is no shade here." I sighed "you know you could say no I’m not going with you." I said leaving a silence between us. She gave me a snide look. "LANA" I heard a deep voice yell. I turned around quickly to see Deshawn running towards us. I ran up to him letting him scoop me into a hug. Everything about him felt like a little slice of heaven. "I missed you so much" I said. He began to squeeze me tight "I missed you too". When he let me go I stepped back to get a good look at him. Shawn was a milk chocolate color, with deep brown eyes. He always kept his hair in a fade with the coolest designs. He had grown his facial hair out. It wasn’t shabby but long enough to be noticed. Even though we sent pictures he kept changing over the nine week breaks. "You look so different." he said looking me up and down. I smiled shyly. "Not really. Same height, same hair and same weight." I joked. Even though I was joking it was true. I was 5'2 with brown curly hair and weighed 129 pounds. "You look brighter." Shawn laughed. "No I don’t!" I panicked. I had been tanning all summer and after school. "Why do you always joke about my skin tone? You know I be trying to get darker." I said tilting my head to the side. "Because your high yellow. I think it’s cute you need to stop tanning before you end up with skin cancer." he said kissing my neck. I wiggled a little to get away. Keely cleared her throat. Shawn stepped away awkwardly. "Hey Keely, how are ya?" he ask turning in her direction annoyed. Keely and Shawn didn’t like each other at all. "Good ty will be here in a few. Then I’ll be ten times better." She said turning her head to look for ty with a look of disgust on her face. "Okay. How have yall been I’m honestly surprised he’s still with your mean ass." Shawn joked. I sighed knowing he had just started a war with Keely. “Great actually, we've all been fine without you. Oops I mean while you were gone." she sneered. Shawn gave me a look of warning. I laughed awkwardly. Ty walked up behind Keely. "Look whose back!" he yelled at Shawn. They shook hands while Shawn shouted "man they can’t keep me away!" They small talked about stupid stuff for about ten minutes then we all decided to split ways. We began to walk downtown when Shawn said "you know I really can’t stand Keely. She hates me for no reason. I don’t know how ty does It." he nagged. "Shawn chill out Keely is like my sister. Cut her some slack she probably has a reason for not liking you we just haven’t figured it out yet." I joked. Shawn’s face went still. "No she doesn’t have a reason she’s just fucking crazy." he said with attitude. I was shocked at his tone. He went from a good mood to angry within a split second. "Umm ok, whatever I really don’t care but you need to cut her some slack Shawn she’s my friend." I spat. He sighed. "Here we go" he mumbled under his breathe. I stopped walking letting his hand go. "What do you mean here we go?" My face started to get hot. I hated arguing with him, it always turned into something way overboard. "What I mean Alana is we always argue over her. I’m tired of arguing over someone who’s not important." he said a little too cocky. "No we don’t. Really though, don’t stand there and act like your so called friends in Ohio don’t cause drama in our relationship!" he threw his hands up. "For real Alana one time man one time and you can’t let that shit go! Nothing even happened!" he yelled. My entire body felt like it engulfed in flames. The anger crept from my stomach to my mouth. "Yea I’ve only heard that a million times Deshawn! I’m not going to let it go! Yall were sitting there talking about how you were going to go fuck bitches at a party! Oh let me correct myself you didn’t get caught saying anything!" He began to walk away. I walked behind him yelling "tell the truth did you go with your friends. you always trippin on Keely but expect me to just sit back and act like you’re not fucking around on me and shit up there with your friends! Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!" He stopped making me step back quickly. He grabbed my shoulders "Alana Monei drop it! You don’t want to go down this road with me. I promise you don’t!" he yelled. I shimmied out of his grip. "Oh why not? I’ve been completely faithful to you! I have nothing to hide." I yelled waving my hands in his face. "ALANA STOP!" he yelled showing his full anger. I began to shake my head and laugh. "Ok ill stop but before I do just tell me one thing." I said monotone. "What?" he shouted throwing his hands up again. "Do you love me or do you only love me when your here?" I ask calmly. A silence erupted between us. After a few seconds a tear fell down my face and I began to walk away shaking my head. "I’m so done with this shit!" I mumbled as I walked away. I walked back past the park to get home. I couldn’t stop thinking about the silence he left sitting there. I didn’t even try to defend him. Maybe he was just shocked I told myself over and over again. "Lana!" I heard a voice yell. I knew exactly who it was but at the moment I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with Keely. She ran up to me. "What’s wrong where is Shawn?" she asks worried. "I don’t fucking know Keely clearly I’m not with him and I’m crying put two and two together." I said nastily. She sighed collecting herself. "Lana calm down please don’t take it out on me. I’m just trying to help." I rolled my eyes shaking my head "I’m going home I’ll call you later." I began to walk away before she could reply. The walk home was about a five minute walk. The entire time I spent walking I contemplated what the silence had meant. But I reached home and gave up. I pulled out my phone and called Shawn. The first call went straight to voicemail. So I went upstairs to my room and called again. This time he answered. "Hello." I mumbled. "what’s up?' he asked clearly still aggravated. I sighed. "Umm well are you cheating on me Shawn that’s really all I want to know?  Please tell me the truth. Please." He sighed then laughed a little. "Alana I’m not cheating on you. You just be trippin! I don’t know why you get all emotional and shit." my heart broke a little when he said that. He thought this was a joke and I didn’t believe him anyways. "Ok thanks I love you." I mumbled. "Love you too. I’ll hit you up later I’m going down to see my cousins for a little while." he said before getting off the phone.

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