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going to walk myself to my bus, I’m eating lunch with my friends for the first time in a long time, I won’t have a boyfriend to text in class and my life as I know it is gone.  He’s gone. 

          Monday morning I wake up to the sound of the alarm on my cell phone.  I take a deep breath and I finally exhale the air out of my lungs all at once.  I finally get out of bed turn on the light and the brightness of the light hurts my eyes.  I get dressed, put my shoes on and I brush my hair.  I skip the make-up because I have no one to get pretty for.  I grab my back pack and head for the door, then I look at the time and I still have 25 minuets before the bus comes.  Today I got ready a lot faster compared to the 40 minuets I usually take.  I sit on my bed and I call Hunter, hoping that he will answer so I could have some confidence for the day, so I could learn to face the world with out him. It rings, and rings, and rings, and he finally answers in a tiered voice that I am happy to hear, it’s better than going the whole day with out hearing his voice at all.

“Hello?” he said answering his phone

“Hey, it’s me I’m about to leave the house to go to school.” I said

“Yeah?”

“Yup, it’s just going to be weird with out you, why haven’t’ you been answering your phone?”  I asked as it all flashed back into my head.

“I’m sorry babe; I’m trying really hard to juggle everything.”

“What’s so hard about going to school and dancing, you did all those things when you were here and you still had time for me now you can’t even call or answer when I call you.”  I begin to raise my voice.

“I know but I’m new here and I have to get settled into my room.  I hardly know how to get around the school.  Everything is a little harder, I’m starting to question myself.”

“If you want to come back, just make sure it’s the right choice.”

“You’re still gonna wait for me, right?”  He asked

“Yeah whatever you do, if you stay I’ll wait for you to return and if you decide to come back I’ll be here for you.” I look at the time and I head out the front door while still talking to Hunter.

“So you miss me, huh?”  He asks sounding anxious to hear my response.   “Yeah, big time.”  I miss you so much I feel like more than half of my heart has been ripped out of my chest.  I wish I didn’t have to face school with out you.”

“I wish I was still with you, don’t forget to write me a letter every time you can.”  He said reminding me.

“Don’t worry, but you should squeeze time into your day to text me, call me, or right me a short letter and mail it to me.”  From a short distance I see two orange lights blinking and coming closer and closer.

“Hunter text me during the day or something the bus is here and I have to go.”

“I love you!” We both say at the same time, then I hang up slowly take a deep breath while I watch the bus stop in front of me, I finally get on the bus and take my seat by the window as always.  The bus pulls of and I stare out the window the same way I did Friday when I was waving good-bye to Hunter. 

 

          When I get to school I walk alone to Homeroom and I walk alone in the halls thinking about Hunter all day.  At lunch I search for the table where we all sat when Hunter was still here, my friends Kim and Nelly knew I was sad so they gave me a hug when I sat down with my tray of food. 

“You okay, honey?”  Kim asked

“No, I feel like…I’m no one… like everything has been taken from me… I feel so empty.”  I say trying not to cry.

“Don’t say that, Maria.  You still have us and were still your friends.  Says Nelly as she rubs my back.

 

I’ve known all of them since Elementary school so they know me pretty well.  I pick up the bottle of water and drink it, and I just want to go home and lie down, fall asleep and do absolutely nothing.  I pull my phone out of my pocket, and text Hunter.  “I’m having lunch with out you for the first time ever.”  Fallowing a sad face, I wasn’t expecting for him answer but he did.  That just made my day, even If I still missed him it made me feel a little better.  I read the text message slowly because I didn’t want the moment to end.  “I’m having lunch too, I wish I was right next to you, I miss you so much.”  Then I smiled so big ignoring everything around me.  I replied quickly “OMG, I miss you too, have you made any new friends?” I asked I was looking forward to talking to him on the phone soon.  “Yeah, in my dance class everyone is friends I’m especially talking to Joe and Emma.”  I thought it was nice for him to make new friends, but I want to be his number one the way it had always been.  Even if my day was okay with out him I still miss him and I still want him here with me, I’m just not used to being with out him.  Since we became boyfriend and girlfriend we’ve been together 372 days of my life with him and on the 373rd day he had to leave.

 

          The days with out Hunter fly by, they go by tardily not fast enough.  But I manage to make the best of it because things weren’t going to change anytime soon.  It feels so weird to walk around without holding someone’s hand, to kiss no one, to sit out with my girls and not him during lunch.  Things are changing dramatically for me.  My grades have dropped a letter, and I have lost ten pounds in the past few weeks.  Even if I don’t realize it I don’t eat at all I don‘t remember the last time I had a meal.  Now the tight clothes I use to wear are baggy and loose.  I have to wear a belt to keep my jeans at my waist.  My daily routine is the same everyday.  I wake up, go to school, text Hunter during lunch, come home, shower and I go to bed.  I’m always tired, I cry very often, I barley communicate with my family, I’m never hungry, I never feel like doing anything.  I promise my friends and parents that things are going to change soon, but to me that means if he’s no here everything will always be black and white and in my world it will always rain even if it’s sunny outside. 

          When Hunter calls I wish our conversations could last forever but he always has something to do.  I know I should be patient with him because I promised him that I would but, sometimes (always) I wish that he would give up on himself and just come home.  To be with me, to see his family, to put the rest of the world on pause and to just love me.  I wish he could be here, I had to let go of my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time with out wanting to.  Someday I have to breathe in life again and live, the only problem is that I don’t know how.  I don’t know how I’m going to see the world with the eyes that are only used to seeing him.  Someday it has to happen, but when? 

         

          Today I got home from school and for the first time in 4 weeks I heard my stomach growl.  I was hungry, I wanted to eat.  I wanted the best homemade Mexican tacos only my Mom knows how to make.  Filled with lots of chicken and all the goodness a taco should have.  I can feel my mouth watering just by thinking about it.  But my mom isn’t home to make then, so I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich instead.  The melted cheese taste a million times better than it ever did.  It seemed like I hadn’t eaten in ages but it had only been a few weeks.  I had a rather strange way of eating, during those few weeks I wasn't eating, I would eat little things. Maybe a glass of orange juice or a few cookies, but I would hardly ever had a full meal at all. I never noticed how much I was letting myself go, until now.  Of course I noticed that I wasn’t fitting into my clothes the way I use to but, I thought it was nothing.  Minuets after I finished eating my Mom got home.  When she sees me sitting at the table and not in my bed sleeping, I know it comes as a big shock for her.  She looks at me with her eyes wide open and it takes her a few seconds to smile and notice the plate in front of me.  She walks up to me and kisses me on the forehead, “How have been mija?”  She asked with her pretty Spanish accent.  I look at her and return the smile, I hadn’t smiled in such a long time that I found it relieving, I don’t know why.  She sits down in front me, “I’ve been doing a lot better, Mom.  What about you I feel like I haven’t talked to you in years.”  She looks at me with her head tilted just a little, and a little smile.  One of those smiles that warms me up inside and makes me remember how much I love her. 

“I’ve been good, mija.  We’ve missed you around here.  It seems like a ghost town without you hanging out around the house.”  She says.

“I don’t think things will be like that anymore.  My life has to continue, right?”

“Right, you have to live.  I’m so happy you came to your senses.” 

 

Chapter 3 Building a bridge and trying to get over it

   Today, I finally did my make up again, I focused in class, I laughed and joked all day the way I hadn’t done in such a long time, when I got lunch today I actually ate it.  When I sat down in lunch with my girls I enjoyed the gossip they were spilling about the teachers and the new girl, Bianca.  I decided not to text Hunter during my lunch period, because I wanted to catch up with my friends.  The friends I set aside to be with him all the time, the friends that loved me so much and still welcomed me with hugs when he left.  Now I feel like living more than ever.  I haven’t hung out with them in such a long time.

“Do you girls wanna go to a movie this weekend, or something?”  I asked.

“Really? Are you serious?  We haven’t gone out

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