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Chapter 1

 I hug him as tight as I can, I wish the hug could last forever, it’s the last hug I’ll ever give him.  The more I hug him, the more it hurts, and the more I want to cry.  I inhale deeply, I can smell his soft manly cologne that I love so much.  When I look up at his face, my eyes flooded with tears.  All of a sudden large tears start shedding from both my eyes, down my cheeks.  He hugs me tighter, wipes it away says “I love you so much, don’t cry.” I can tell he is trying to hold back his tears by the way his voice drops and his eyes roll back.  He gives me the last kiss, and I finally see the tear that drops so quick from his left eye.  I wipe the tear away, “It’s okay Hunter, go live your dream.“  He holds my hand tight and he walks me to my bus.  We stand in front of the bus door and hug him one last time, he holds my hand while I walk up the stairs.  When I’m on the second step he pulls my arm, I spin, my hair swishes quickly and he steels one last kiss.  I could feel my hair in between our lips, but we ignored it because it wasn’t a time for nonsense.  I finally get on the bus, take my seat by the window.  I look at him standing outside, and I place my hand on the glass.  Then the bus pulls off, he waves goodbye to me after I signal him to call me, at least when he can. I cry all the way home wishing that I could reverse time or at least pause it so I could be with him just a little longer.  When I get home, I ignore everything and everyone around me I head straight to my room and lock the door behind me.  I realize how much my life is going to change with out him, it sucks to be so in love.  I’m happy because he is finally going to begin living his dream, but all the way across the country wasn‘t really what I had in mind.  He is going to a school for kids with special talents.  He is the best dancer I know and I want him to do what makes him happy, all this time the process of the auditions and contracts I’ve been going through mixed emotions.  It’s a very good opportunity for him to live his dream but at the same time it makes me sad because I’m going to be here just thinking about him and the things we could be enjoying together.  I’m going to miss him so much; I’ve been missing him before he even auditioned for that school.  He’s been in my life for a whole year and I can’t picture my life with out him.  I stay in bed all afternoon crying just hoping that he will change his mind before he gets on the plane.  I didn’t want to think about it but I also didn’t want to forget him.  From the minuet I got home that Friday afternoon I lay in bed miserable and depressed.  I was waiting all night for him to call but my phone never rang.  The clock struck 11:00, If Hunter hasn’t called by now I know that he didn’t change his mind he went through with it, he got on the plane and left. 

 

          I wake up Saturday morning and my face feels dry and puffed from all the crying of the night before.  I reach for my cell phone that’s charging next to me, its 11:09 and my head is pounding.  I decide to lay there for a few more seconds and those seconds become minuets, those minuets become hours.  I can’t get him out of my mind, I don’t want to think about it but he‘s really gone.  I’m sure he should be awake by this time because it’s almost 3 in the afternoon.  I called him, when he answered I wished he was still here, home, with me. 

“Hello?”  He says in a low voice.

“Hey, are you there yet?” I struggled to say whipping tears from my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m here, I miss you.” he says

“I miss you too.”  I said, crying

“I miss you too; do you think I made the right choice by coming here?”  He asks.

“I don’t know, maybe you did but you won’t realize it just yet.” I say trying not to cry anymore.

“I love you so much; nothing is ever going to be the same.”

“I know but let’s try to make the best of it.” I respond.

“I love you!” we both say at the same time, that meant we had to go.  Even though it feels like a stab in the chest I hang up first because I had to start getting use to saying “Good bye”.

         

          An hour later I manage to finally drag myself out of bed just because I had to use the restroom.  I look in the bathrooms mirror and I look a mess.  My hair is disorganized and tangled in every place possible.  I get in the shower hoping that with the hot water the swelling of my eyes and face will fade away.  I step into the shower and turn on the hot water before the cold.  I shampoo and condition my hair trying to get the tangles out.  Suddenly I don’t want to do anything anymore, I lay on the shower floor feeling the water get colder and colder against my skin.  I think to my self “It’s been twenty-four hours since we said “Good bye“.”  I lay on the shower floor until the hot water runs out and it’s completely cold.  When get out of the shower I go to my room and lay down again.  I’m not hungry, I’m not happy, I don’t feel like talking, I don’t have him, I do miss him, I do want him, I do need him, I do love him, and I would love to have him laying next to me. 

          Before I know it, it’s 6:03pm and I’m still lying in bed, with my eyes closed but I’m not sleeping.  I’m not crying anymore because the swelling of my face just disappeared completely.  I don’t want it to come back.  No one has bothered to check up on me all day not even if I unlocked my door after my long shower.  Then I heard a vibrating noise, it took me a minuet to recognize it.  It was my cell phone, I pick it up and I have a text message from Hunter.

“I miss you so much, I love you, I’ll call you when I can everything is so crazy and I’m super busy I love you xxxo.”  I told myself that he will, certainly call soon but hours go by and my phone never rings again.  When it’s 10:00 pm I call him.  I knew it in my heart that he missed me enough to pick up his phone when I called. But sadly he didn’t it went to voicemail after ringing about six times.  It had been hours since I actually said a word to anyone; he was the last person I talked to this morning.  I opened my mouth slowly and left a short message.  “I miss you, call me back…I love you.”  I hang up the phone slowly and lay back down.  Then I hear my door knob move.  My mother peaks through the door and enters the door; she lies next to me on the bed and pulls my hair back.

“Sweetie, come on get out of bed.  You can’t stay in your room crying and waiting forever.”  She says.

“I just miss him so much, every single day for the past year we’ve been together and from one day to the next he’s gone.  My life has no meaning with out him.”  I reply with tears exiting my eyes.

“It will get better soon honey, I promise.  Soon you’ll find someone else, forget about Hunter, and fall in love all over again.”

“No!  I don’t want to forget him, I want him to come back and I certainly don’t want to find someone else.” I say trying not to cry.

“I didn’t bother you all day because I knew you wanted to be alone to think about things for a while, but for gods sake Maria it’s after 10:00 and you haven’t eaten anything all day.  At least drink a glass of milk.”

“I’m not hungry, I’m not thirsty.  But my heart is thirsty for him, my heart and I miss him.  I miss him.” I respond as she wrapped her arm around me and kissed me on the cheek.

“You know that I’m not just your mom but I’m also your friend.  When you hurt, I hurt when you smile, I smile and I can’t smile right now because my baby is bleeding inside.”  She looks at me and touches my face, I suddenly think of Hunter because the first time we ever kissed he did the same thing.  He ran the back of his finger across my cheek and through my hair.  “C’mon Maria get up and eat something, write in your journal.”  She hands me my journal that’s on the other side of the bed and I shake my head.  “I don’t wanna write I feel too weak to do anything I just wanna see him.”  I say in a low voice.  My mom sighs “Why won’t you let me help you, Maria?”  She asks desperately.  I look into her eyes and turn away suddenly, “Because mom, you don’t know how.”  I cry in silence with my face turned away from her.  “How can I help you, what do you need me to do?”  She asks, I can tell she is getting frustrated with me.  I sit up in bed, biting my thumb nail as tears came rushing out of my eyes.  “take me to see him so he I can just see him face to face again and hug him and tell him how much it hurts, he’s the only one that can help me from my misery.”  I lay back down and whip my tears with the covers.  My mom hugs me tight, “Sweetie, call him, talk to him, and tell him how you feel.”  I look at her like she’s stupid, “I already called him it went to voicemail, he sent me a text message and he’s really busy.  What I want more than anything right now is to see him, and hug him.”

 

Chapter 2 My first day with out him

  It’s Sunday night and I just want to see him, he hasn’t called and every time I call it goes to voice mail.  I have school tomorrow and I wish I didn’t.  Everything is going to be so different now that he’s gone.  I’m going to walk in the halls alone, I’m

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