Bin To Earth - Matt Woods (android e book reader txt) 📗

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Either way, aside from the bin, the cubicle was now empty, the only noise being the faintest of humming noises coming from the inside.

And if that wasn’t disturbing enough, to add to the increasing eeriness, the cubicle door suddenly slams itself shut by its own volition.


CHANGING ROOMS


It was a typically busy day inside Damfords department store, a little more hectic than most Saturday afternoons. The sun was out and so it seemed were most of Malsters residents.

Malster was a small tourist town located in central England, a beautiful area to live and a popular place for sightseers to visit.

Damfords was the centre-piece of the out of town retail Park. Its popularity was largely due to the wide range of items it stocked; anything from clothing, household goods and books through to toys, perfumes and cosmetic items. It also had a sizeable café, offering a good variety of hot and cold meals.

Today, the whole store was brimming with bargain hunters. The children’s clothing department in particular was proving to be particularly busy, with eager and stressed out parents keen to locate some good deals. The twenty percent off all items promotion they were running was certainly drawing the crowds.

Several parents wait patiently with their not so patient children outside the changing rooms, hoping that a cubicle will soon become vacant. There were half a dozen booths, all with their crimson red curtains pulled right across.

Any casual observer standing on the outside might have noticed two feet frantically shuffling around inside the middle changing room, visible just below the three quarter length curtains. It would have looked a little bizarre to say the least, mainly because people tend not to move around quite so liberally when they’re trying on new clothes!

As it happens, everyone is too pre-occupied trying to keep their children entertained to notice anything out of the ordinary.

Inside the middle changing room, Grunt continues to pirouette numerous times as he attempts to figure out what on earth has just happened. His brain was lacking any coherent type of thinking at the moment, although one or two words do try their level best to flow through his mind. No thoughts as such, just random words that were presently in no mood to join together and form any type of coherent sentence.

The first thing Grunt notices, aside from his albeit similar but new location, is that he appears to have grown a few feet. Whereas normally he viewed most things from around three to four foot off the ground, he was now gazing at the wall in front of him at a height of what must have been around six foot. ‘What’s that all about?’ he wonders.

It doesn’t take him too long to figure out. Although he’d sub consciously noticed the wall length mirror upon his arrival, he’d paid it scant attention, preferring instead to spend his first thirty seconds on Earth in a state of utter panic and confusion!

As Grunt once again looks around the booth in a state of terror he spots the mirror, and this time gives it a little more consideration. What he sees both alarms him and fills him with complete delight. There, staring straight back at him, was a handsome, muscular fellow, his head nestled nicely atop his shoulders. It takes Grunt a few seconds for the enormity of this to register with him, and he spends the next few moments glaring unbelievably at his reflection in the mirror.

As he gazes at the glorious sight in front of him, Grunt lifts his well, toned arms and grabs the sides of his head. He figures there’s only way to find out if his head really is securely back in place, so starts to try and pull it off! At first he yanks it quite cautiously, fully expecting it to loosen and end up straight back in his hands. It doesn’t. He then tugs at it much harder, eventually putting all of his strength into it. The head however remains firmly rooted to its new home.

Grunt can’t believe it. His only wish in life had ever been for his head to be in its rightful place. All his life he’d loathed having to carry it around, and here he was now, struggling to get his head around why he would no longer have to lug his head around!

After giving it one final huge tug, it was clear to Grunt that this was one head that was going nowhere! Now convinced it was securely positioned, he sits himself down on the rear wall bench.

The changing room itself was small, being no more than a few squared feet. As he sits staring blankly at the bright red curtain, Grunt’s ears start to register the low mumble of several voices coming from beyond the curtain. It was then that the magnitude of what had just happened to him hit home.

Questions start to form in his mind. First and foremost Grunt wonders where on earth he can be. Vague memories start to return to him of a floating bin and a mysterious and at times quite creepy humming sound. He also recollects spinning rapidly through a sort of dark whirlpool, almost as if he was falling to his demise. It all seemed to happen so quickly, and throughout it all Grunt recalls never feeling in any form of danger. He starts to remember there also being litter floating through this vortex or whatever it may have been. At one point he recalls being clobbered on the head by a used cereal box, and also narrowly avoiding a collision with a half-eaten fish cake as it span towards him!

How he ended up here though was beyond him. He had no memory at all of entering this cubicle. The last he could remember was landing abruptly with a huge thud on what appeared to be a hard surface. The next thing he knew he was here, sitting on the bench and wandering what on earth had just happened.

Grunt had many questions going through his mind of course, but what was bothering him the most was his current location. He’d deduced quite swiftly it was a changing room, but that wasn’t what particularly concerned him. What worried him more was where exactly this changing room was? He didn’t recognise it to be one from any store on Elzac, for no other reason that it just didn’t feel right. Even the voices outside outside the cubicle sounded different, although he couldn’t put his finger on how or why.

Strangely, although Grunt felt bewildered by what was happening, he was also excited about what might lie ahead. He’d heard stories throughout his life of little girls and boys finding entrances to other worlds, and here he now was the central character in his own little adventure!

He stands up and takes a few tentative steps towards the curtain. Excitement continues to grow within as he wonders what will greet him on the other side.

Even though he was intrigued to know what lay beyond the curtain, Grunt still feels dubious about exposing himself to the unknown. He briefly ponders the notion of staying inside the cubicle, but soon dismisses this idea, figuring that hanging out in a changing room for the next sixty or so years might get a little boring after a while!

Grunt once again looks around the cubicle just to ensure he hadn’t missed another floating bin which might have the decency of returning him back home. He hadn’t! He also places his hand on the full length mirror in the vain hope it might swirl around a bit and allow him to jump through. It doesn’t!

Unperturbed, Grunt once again stares at his reflection and smiles to himself as he observes just how dashing he now looked!

In amongst all of this madness, the only thing that was keeping Grunts sanity in check was his hope that he would now become a babe magnet! As he ponders over this he imagines a horde of attractive elves all patiently waiting for sight of the ‘new’ and ravishing Grunt just beyond this curtain! ‘Well, why not’ thinks Grunt. ‘After all, look at what has just happened. Surely anything could be possible now.’

Without further hesitation Grunt pulls open the curtain and heads slowly out of the cubicle.

The queues had, by now, died down, and the only person Grunt can see inside the changing area was a member of staff hanging clothing items onto a large silver trolley.

Grunt peers at him and is momentarily taken by surprise. He hadn’t particularly thought about what, and indeed who, he might find when he opened the curtain, but what he hadn’t expected was to see someone who looked similar to himself.

Not completely alike of course. Grunt knew that no-one but no-one could possibly match him for good looks now, but the fact he was human, just like himself, gives Grunt a lot of reassurance!

Being one of only a minority of headless men on Elzac, Grunt was used to conversing and spending his time amongst skeletons, goblins, elves, and the suchlike. It was only on rare occasions that he might meet up with a fellow beheaded chum for a game of Slap the Duck or for a tipple at Comptons Tavern.

Seeing a fellow human in front of him immediately puts Grunt at ease, as he figures that wherever he might be ad-least he won’t look too out of place.

Trouble was though, however similar Grunts physical appearance might have been to creatures on this new and strange land, where he let himself down and indeed drew attention to himself was when he opened his mouth!

Grunt walks slowly towards the member of staff.

“Hello there!” shouts Grunt, probably a shade too loudly. “My name’s Grunt. What’s yours?”

The young, skinny man stops hanging clothes on the rail and turns to face Grunt. He pauses momentarily before replying.

“Er, my names Dave” he answers, a little unsurely.

Grunt decides to cut straight to the jugular. He reckons that because he’d arrived here by bin there must be a waste container somewhere else that will return him home. As he has no idea where to start looking, who better to ask than a helpful member of staff!

“You haven’t seen any floating bins around that make a strange sort of humming noise that might transport me back to Elzac via some weird dark vortex thing have you?”

How much of that Dave actually took in was difficult to tell, although the blank expression enveloping his face probably gave a strong hint! Thinking that his customer was having a bit of fun with him, Dave eventually lets out a nervous snigger and returns his attention back to his work.

“Mmm. I’ll take that as a no then!” says Grunt nonchalantly, who, quickly figuring that answers won’t be too forthcoming from this young man, heads out into the main store.

What strikes Grunt first as he heads onto the walkthrough is how many humans he can see. There were dozens of them, all of whom had their heads firmly fixed onto their shoulders. Grunt is also surprised to see that they all seem to come in many different shapes and sizes. Some were taller than him, some fatter than him, and quite a few shorter than him!

He wonders at first if the smaller creatures are hobgoblins, but soon realizes they can’t be, as they were much cuter and far more handsome than his ugly pal Stich.

As he stands and