With every drop of rain comes another drop of color - Tianna (best ereader for pdf .txt) 📗

Prologue

 

Veronica surfed YouTube, starting with tobyMac, Skillet, and eventually Relient K. She clicked on "Faking My Own Suicide", which wasn't one of her favorites but it had been a while since she'd last listened to it.

When she was about a minute into the song, she noticed a related video that wasn't a song as she scrolled through the comments. (She didn't know why she always looked through the comments, she was just curious.) The video title was "I'm done."

Veronica didn't know what compelled her to click it; she was just worried. If it was what it looked like . . .

When the video loaded, Ronni made it full screen and started to watch.

"My name is Samantha Mayers," the girl in the video started. She was slim, had black hair and blue eyes. She was pretty but looked like a wreck. Her mascara had run and dried on her cheeks--and there were tear tracks on her face. She was slumped down and her face stated that she just didn't care anymore. She looked tired and, well, done. Worst of all, though, were her eyes; Samantha blue eyes had no light in them and just looked dead. If eyes are windows to the soul, her soul was broken down and defeated. Veronica watched in concern.

"I'm fifteen years old. And I guess I'm going to tell you my story," she choked out a sad laugh. Ron was already tearing up. She wished she could just reach out and give this poor girl a hug.

"When I was thirteen, I got teased. A lot. Well, I got teased before that but thirteen is when the worst started. I didn't have any friends; they'd all abandoned me for the popular crowd." Voni couldn't imagine her friends just up and abandoning her like that. Her heart ached.

Samantha continued, "It was then that I made the first cut." She spoke absolutely emotionlessly, as if detached from the whole thing. She held out her arm, pulling her sleeve back to reveal many scars, some old and some fresher. She pointed to a specific one near her elbow. "This was the first. The most popular girls in school pulled me by the hair over to the janitor's closet and locked me in. They told me to just go home and kill myself." A beat went by. "I almost did." Veronica let out a soft sob. The sight made her sick but she didn't look away. Luckily Samantha pulled her sleeve back down.

"It just got worse from there. I don't have any friends, I get picked on constantly and no one stands up for me. I just feel like no one gives a **** whether I live or die." Ronni winced a little at the swear word. "There's no reason for me to live anymore. No one will care. I just want someone to care. I just want someone to be there for me. I just need a friend." There were a few more seconds of silence before the video ended.

Ron wiped the tears from her cheeks and pressed the Escape key before looking at the comments. There were only twelve; seven were about how she shouldn't do it and "it gets better" while the other five talked about how she should just kill herself and she was selfish for considering it anyway. Voni felt so mad; how could someone say that? The brown-haired girl clicked into the text box to write a comment, thankful that they weren't disabled. She wouldn't allow herself to overthink; she ignored the fact that the video was posted two weeks before and Samantha might not have even been alive still. She didn't plead with her not to do it or promise life would get better.

She just sent four simple words: "I'll be your friend." Little did she know how much those words would change both of their lives forever.

Chapter One

 

October 13, 2013

I got a response.

 

I got a response.

 

I got a response.

 

I kept the video in my bookmarks, checking it several times a day for the past three days and there it is:

 

Uploader comments (1):

      JesusFreakForever3 (10/10/13):

           I'll be your friend.

      lonelygirrl115 (2 minutes ago):

           Thank you.

                  in reply to JesusFreakForever3

 

She's not dead. I can't believe it. Oh, I have a private message. I click on the link and see that she said:

 

Email me? SamiSweetheart13@gmail.com

 

I immediately open a new tab and go to hotmail, typing her email address into the "to" bar.

 

    Hey Samantha. My name's Veronica, but you can call me Ron, Voni, pretty much anything as long as it's nice ;)

    I replied to your YouTube video and I'm glad to see that you're still alive. What would you like to talk about? We can talk about the video or just random things. It doesn't matter to me.

 

Love,

Veronica <3

 

I smile, feeling elated. I can't believe she actually replied. This is amazing.

 

"Ron!" my brother yells, banging on the door and opening it without waiting for a response.

 

I roll my eyes a little. "What, Nick?"

 

The ten-year-old says, "It's time for dinner," walking over to my bed where I'm sitting and attempting to look at my laptop, but I turn it away. "What are you doing? Why do you always do that?"

 

"Nothing," I tell him. "Why do you keep looking at my stuff?"

 

"Because," Nick replies, not really answering. "You're doing something bad."

 

"No, I'm not," I tell him honestly. I could be literally saving a life. That sounds pretty good to me.

 

"If you're not doing anything bad why are you hiding it? I don't believe you."

 

I shake my head, ignoring the question. "Get out of my room; I'll be there in a second." He doesn't move. "Get out, Nick."

 

He rolls his eyes, walking out. I sigh as I close the laptop and hide it in one of my dresser drawers.

 

  "Veronica!"

 

"I'm coming, Dad!" Ay.

 

I walk to the kitchen where my dinner is and take the plate of spaghetti with a quick "thank you" before rushing to my room, taking my laptop out of its hiding place, refreshing my email tab impatiently. Nothing.

 

It's only been like a minute, Ron, I remind myself, rolling my eyes a bit. I force myself away from the laptop, plugging it into the wall to charge and closing Mozilla Firefox.

 

I walk to the living room while holding my plate, sighing as I sit on the couch next to my mom. "What are we watching?"

 

"Nothing yet," Mom replies as she channel-surfs. It changes to...is that--?!

 

"Ooh! Let's watch this! I love What Would You Do."

 

She looks around the room, "Is that okay with everyone?"

 

Nick and Dad just shrug.

 

"What Would You Do it is, then."

 

 

***

 

That night, I pray for Samantha and her family, my family and friends, and anyone who needs His help ("I guess that's really everyone in the world, then" I laugh) before falling asleep to Brandon Heath's "Give Me Your Eyes" on my MP3 player.

 

***

October 14

 

Today's a school day, I immediately realize, sighing as I get up and turn off my alarm. I'm tempted to just go back to sleep but I know that's a terrible idea.

 

"Good morning God, thank You for this day," I think, rushing to the bathroom and washing my face, "I pray Samantha will have good day, and I pray that she won't do anything drastic. Please help me to be kind and not snap at my brother--or anyone."

 

I walk to the kitchen, pouring myself some Corn Pops with coconut milk (not my favorite, but it tastes alright), "I love You and thank You so much for everything and everyone. Also thank You for this food." I laugh a little. "Amen."

 

***

 

It's a normal Monday at school--I'm incredibly exhausted and so not ready for this week, but nothing unusual happens. Oh and I have several songs stuck in my head throughout the day.

 

"Hey," I say to my best friend when I see her at lunch.

 

"Hey," Rebekah answers, looking up at me.

 

I smile at her and sometimes I wonder if you can have more than one soulmate--if the soulmate thing works with friends as well as lovers. We connect so much that it's sometimes as if we read each others' minds. I find myself often times finishing her sentences without really thinking about it. It's then that Raven walks up to the table, sitting down with her hot lunch.

 

Raven always has hot lunch, I always bring lunch (it's kind of hard if I don't, being vegetarian), and Becca kind of switches, but it's mostly cold lunch for her.

 

My smile gets wider--creepily so--and I begin to act like my hyper self. I don't know sometimes if I do it for attention, because I want to be hyper, because I just hate this overall feeling of sadness lingering inside, or if I actually am as crazy as I act. I don't know; it's weird. I talk really fast, saying, "So I started reading Perks of Being a Wallflower and it's totally awesome! I really like how Charlie's a...well, wallflower and sometimes I wish I could be one too, you know?" I giggle crazily.

 

Becca is silent but Raven certainly isn't. "Okay, slow down there. You don't need to act like this." She rolls her eyes.

 

I roll my eyes too. "Whatever," I laugh. "I just really like the book."

 

We all know that's not entirely true but Raven doesn't say anything.

 

Raven starts on some story about her math class and I laugh along with my friends. Becca raises her eyebrows at me--and I raise my eyebrows back--when Raven goes off on a tangent about her mom.

 

When she says something about her mom's stupid rules about her shorts having to be a certain length, I tell her, "Well if your mom thinks it's inappropriate, it's her right."

 

Raven rolls her eyes again. "This is why I don't talk to you about this stuff, I knew you'd say something like that. I was talking to Rebekah. You're supposed to agree with your friend."

It hurts but it's nothing I'm not used to. "Well sorry if I was trying to look at both sides; sorry if I find your mom's rules reasonable."

 

"But you're not looking at both sides!" she argues, "You're just seeing the adult's side!"

 

I shake my head. "Whatever." I'm not about to have a huge fight over this. What would that accomplish? I certainly won't be changing her mind anytime soon.

 

Becca still doesn't say a word. Raven continues to chat away.

 

I smile fondly when Raven starts on her little brother. Becca laughs at something Raven says when I'm not paying attention. I look down at the table with a sigh. "Rave?" I whisper, cutting off whatever story she was telling.

 

"What's wrong?" she asks immediately.

 

"It--nevermind."

 

"What?" Becca asks me, sounding concerned.

 

I look up them, saying, "It's nothing, just...sad for no reason again."

 

Becca smiles sympathetically. "Well, did anything happen recently?"

 

I shrug. "I honestly don't know. Sorry."

 

"Don't be sorry," Becca tells me sternly; I look up in surprise. It's the most serious tone I've ever heard her use. "Don't."

 

"Sorry I--" I laugh, cutting myself off. "I just get so sad without knowing why and it's just so...so...difficult."

 

"Have you been taking your pills?" Raven wonders.

 

I shake my head. "No, but they don't really help anyway. I just forget to take them. I'm lucky if I can remember to brush my teeth." I smile a little.

 

I start to hum to myself and they take it as a cue to change the subject.

 

***

 

"Mom," I call as I walk into my house, "What can I have for snack?"

 

Mom's right there on the couch in the living room. She shrugs. "Find something."

 

I sigh fake-exasperatedly, dropping my backpack on the ground and walking into the kitchen.

 

I settle on a cheese Crackerful found in the kitchen cabinet, getting a glass of water and walking to my bedroom. I sit on my bed, pulling my laptop out from under it and logging into my email.

 

"Yes!" I exclaim, noticing the unread email from Sami S. I excitedly open it to see:

 

Hey,

 

I prefer 'Sami' or 'Sam' over Samantha but I really don't care.

 

Thank you so much for talking to me. I was really worried I was going to do something stupid. Obviously; I wouldn't rely on strangers from the internet if I weren't desperate.

 

I guess I'll just vent to you, if that's okay. School sucks, okay? No one cares about me; I'm just the freak nobody likes. Before you go and say something about that, it's true. Literally everyone. And if anyone does care, no one bothers to stand up for me. It just makes me so mad, so frustrated--I feel like I'll never get out of this. I'm stuck.

 

I can't tell my parents; my dad's too busy with his girlfriend and my mom is just...her. Neither of them really care. I've reported bullying to the teachers but they won't do anything unless there's physical evidence. I hate it. It's horrible. Sometimes I just really want to die. Most of the time, really.

 

I don't really know what I'm expecting; I'd just like a friend to talk to and stuff. Maybe you could tell me about yourself, so this friendship isn't all advice asking and venting on my part. Thanks :)

 

I tap my fingers on the keyboard softly, in thought. What could I say?

 

First of all, not to be too cheesy or anything, but I know your life will get better. Why else would God have made you if He just wants you to be miserable all the time? He loves you. Remember that. I love you. I know I don't know you very well but people you don't even know love you. It's true.

 

Secondly, the fact that you reached out to people, the fact that you're even emailing me proves that you want to live. That you're searching for the reasons not to kill yourself. Please don't do it.

 

That's really awful that the teachers won't do anything. I'm so sorry. I'm not quite sure what to do about that. I feel horrible saying this but I honestly don't know.

 

Not to make you upset, but are you completely sure your mom and dad wouldn't listen? Maybe it's just miscommunication? What could it hurt to ask?

As for me, well, there's a lot to say. :)

 

My favorite nickname is Voni; I'm 13 years old. I would love to be a famous singer. It's my passion. Music is basically my everything.

 

I'm like shy/introverted, but I'm also really...weird. I don't know. I'm not very good in social situations but I also love people. I don't know. By weird I mean...well, you'll see haha.

 

I have a little brother who's ten; his name is Nick. He's rather annoying but I do love him.

 

I'm a Christian but I'm not judgmental at all. I promise I don't judge anyone. Honestly.

 

I pause. Should I really mention my best friend when I know Sam has no friends? I sigh. It's going to come out sooner or later; she probably already knows I'd have friends.

 

I have two main friends at school, Becca and Raven. Raven can be a little mean but I know she loves me. As for Becca, she's been my best friend since forever.

 

What about you?

 

Love,

Voni <3

 

I bite my lip, mouse hovering over the Send button. I quickly click it before I have time to change my mind. I close the window and shut the computer, putting it under my bed and walking to the living room to get my backpack. It's time for homework I don't want to do...

 

***

Imprint

Publication Date: 07-22-2013

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
This is for anyone who's ever been drowned by the flood of rain in this world, anyone who's ever been too blinded by the water to see the beautiful color. Thanks to my lovely editor Becki (bex098712.tumblr.com). And lastly, this is for Laura, the Becca to my Veronica.