Sylvie's chains - icantinkofaname (i am malala young readers edition TXT) 📗

I can feel im dying, i can feel the death and taste metal in my mouth, all i can see is faded pigments of light and shadows drifting about me, i can hear faint voices fading in and out and pain everywhere. ive got my hand on my womb, im 5 months pregnant, just like my mum was .it starts off simple, normal girl, with a normal life, with a normal family and friends. Well thats what i would like to think, and how i would like to live but that ended when i was 5. i lived with my mum and my brother and a little one on the way, i was 5, he was 7 and the foetus was about 5 months. my father had walked out when i was little so i didnt realy know him. My mum had severe depression. one minute she would laugh and play with us but the next she would cry.


It could last for a split second or for days, i was to young to understand. My brother lewis looked after me.

2 weeks before my 6th birthday something surreal (well to me it was) happened. I was yr 1 and school had finnished, as usual on a thursday lewis would take me home as mum would clean the house (she also had O.C.D) we got to our front door which was a warm cornflower blue with a chip in the wood at the bottom, i never found out why that was there, and lewis knocked.........no awnser, so i lifted the crimson flower pot up and gave him the spare key. lewis went upstairs and i stumbled into the living room not only to find a trail of blood but my mum at the end of it, it was sick and i dont intend to go into the details, evan after so many years that memory stays fresh in my mind. i sreamed, i cried, i kicked stuff, i hugged her and stroked the bump. I listened o see if i can hear the babys heart beat........nothing.


lewis was out at the neighbours trying to get help, he was 8 then. I stayed by my inanimate mother while police rushed around flustered trying to work things out. when the paramedics came they tried to get me off her but i stuck like glue, they trid restraining me and i went mental, i kicked them in the face and scratched at their arms. I dont remeber much apart from sitting in my nanna's spare room listening to lewis sleep. We ended up in care. i stopped talking to my friends and the rest of my family. i watched children getting fostered, even lewis. I didnt want to be....i wanted my mum and knowing i couldnt have her made the desire worse. i became insane (as people would describe me) i got into fights at school and at care, i was moved from foster parents back into care, and i was diagnosed with depression, bi-polar and A.D.H.D.


When i turned 15 i met trevor, i thought he was nice, well....he was at first. he was my first and only love. i met him at the cafe, i once again ran away from care, with onley a fiver and a box of ciggarettes in my pocket. he was sat at the table opposite me, he was 21. he kept his eyes peeled. i satred back untill eventually he came over. " im trevor, what name does a gorgous girl like you go by"? Normally i would tell em' to piss off but there was something about trevor that kept my deffenses down " sylvie......you got a lighter"? "aha yes i do, so your a bad girl then"? " no i just want a lighter" we talked all afternoon untillwe got kicked out for not buying anything, we laughed and talked about stuff we enjoy and hate, he invited me back to his apartment where i met his roomates "ohh trevor where d'ya get this one from,"? said his mate frankie, " this is sylvie and she's going to be staying with us",


i made myself at home, his other mate john chucked me a beer and we all sat talking and getting on. although his other friend chris seemed quiet, he didnt seem to like me and he seemed a bit peeved at trevor, maybe he's just quiet i told myself.


me and trevor became more friendly as we spent more time together, he didnt seem to mind when it came to hiding from the cops and social workers and how we had to keep the social ring small. we couldnt risk any any one who might tell although most of his friends didnt mind how young i was or that i was in hiding. Me and trevor started sharing drinks and food, he evan lended me a t-shirt or two, then finaly he asked if i wanted to move to corfu with him, he originally aranged it with his mate frankie, but he seemed to ,like me and didnt mind, so i dyed my hair, got a fake passport and off we went without looking back.


when i was with trevor, i forgot about my mum, my brother and all the carehomes and foster parents, at the time i didnt think i would need education so i obviously didnt think about school, he made me feel full, which meant alot to me, he (i thought) was the missing jigsaw to the puzzle, he looked after me, and protected me and.....i.. actually loved him. Lots of people say and quote that love does not exist but to me it did for that once in a lifetime a feeling i would of never thought to have felt. everytime i thought of him there was something inside mw that was...i cant describe it, it was warm and it made me want to scream and laugh with joy, infact if i recall i evan sqeeked once.We enjoyed corfu.


we went to clubs and pubs and got completely rat-assed, and that leads on to how me and trevor started our sexual relationship. It was about 3:00 in the morning and frankie had met up with some mates he met and some girls, so me and trevor went to a club called the cabbanna club, we had some drinks and chatted to people and we evan got on the dance floor. then my faverorite song came on. it was a slow one. he put his hands around my waist and i put mine around his neck and we danced without thinking about anything else, not caring where we were or who was there, or evan who we were, it was the most romantic and best moments i could of ever experianced, we gradually got closer, and closer....closer untill we kissed.


passionate and red, oohh and fluffy but rough at thesame time, we were standing in the middle of the dance floor, in a strange club, in a foreign country....and i realy couldnt give a shit because that from there on (well...i hoped?) was the rest of my life, standing in front of me sharing the moment.

we stumbled home, arm in arm laughing at ourselfs. we got back to the apartment we got in bed...together. we kissed and hugged, he touched me and it felt amazing, we were both aroused and i felt i was ready to take this one step further. he was gentle with me and we took it slow though it hurt so much at first i thought i was going to bleed....infact i did!. but then it became romantic and the pain seeped away. I slept well that night.


In the morning frankie still hadnt returned, but he left a message saying he would be back later, i got up before trevor, put his big BEN SHERMAN shirt on and stood at the balcony, watching the clouds and the sea roll. i didnt think about my past, i thought for the future....maybe we will have children one day, maybe evan get married! and smiled. when trevor woke, he was in a bad mood "whats up baby" i asked
"you". he looked at me, i thought he was joking or something, but his face was still. "me, what....what have i done".
"last night".
"what about it"
"you hurt me".
"what do you mean"?.
"your to tight, it hurts me".
"oh....theres nothing you can do about that though"
"there is".


he got out a box from under his bed, it was black with red writing on it 'Ann Summers'. he took out various toys, undressed me and shoved them in, it wasnt pleasant, i screamed, coz it was rubbing rore
"you aint gonna be fucking tight no more"!
"its....not...my..fault"! i screamed in pain, i held back the tears.
"shutup and stop screaming, enjoy it bitch, fucking enjoy it"! he shouted at me in rage.then he put himself in me, "shouldnt be so tight now". it hurt. he didnt care. i was crying then. why had he got so...horrible?, why was he doing this to me?. i felt ashamed of myself, i kept telling my self "why was i so tight"?.

Publication Date: 12-15-2010

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