Deadliest Decisions - Stephanie Scarff (howl and other poems txt) 📗

Preface

When life comes to an end, what can we do but leave it? When you meet the one you love, what can we do but love them? When you meet death in the face, what can we do but embrace it?
All of this lies between the biggest decision I ever had to make - love or life?

What can you do when you are offered to either live forever or love forever?


Chapter 1

"Jen."
I continue listening to music, pretending not to hear my step-brother.
He pulls one of the ear plugs out and says, "What'cha doing?"
I pull loose strands of hair away from my face and he says, "Gosh you are so boring!"
I laugh and say, "What do you expect me to do? Go, 'Hey! Oh my Gosh you are so awesome!'? Just. Leave. Me. Alone."
He sighs and places his hand on mine.
I wince as all of his thoughts come rushing towards me. I try to pull my hand away but, older are stronger, I guess.
"Jen. It will be fine," he whispers.
I look up and say, "Excuse me?"
He laughs and says, "I know why you listen to music, close out and never talk.
I know why."
My eyes widen in shock, and, alarmed, I ask, "What are you talking about? Have you been taking your mums medicine?"
He laughs and says, "No, it's because you are a goth, isn't it? You are just too afraid to tell us."
I sigh, thinking he found out about me, and say, "No, I'm not, I'm just..." Just what though? Happy? Excited?
I haven't been happy or excited since that day, when it happened.
It was an ordinary day before the train wreck, and I was happy.
Real happy.
Even that day ended in disaster.
Everything does, I guess.
I shake my head out of the memory, and say, "Please just go."
He nods and frowns, but says, "If you ever want to talk to someone about what hap-"
"I'm fine!" I snap.
He nods and walks out, shutting the door behind him.
"I thought he would never leave," Mayre whispers as she walks out of my cupboard.
I laugh and reply, "Same, but he wants to help."
Even though I have no intention of letting him, I think but don't say out loud.
She laughs too and says, "Wow."
I look up and say, "What?"
She walks forward and places her hand on my palm.
I pull away and she brings her hand back, embarrased by my sudden coldness.
Well, not so sudden.
"It's just, you're...hand," she says.
I laugh and say, "So it was you taking his mums medicine."
She shakes her head, knowing I'm avoiding the scar that was left on my palm.
From the mysterious hooded man who pulled me out of the way from the train, and left my family.
No one else knew that.
Not even Mayre.
"What's your problem? You never let anyone touch you! Not even physical contact! Not even this!" she says, sticking her hand out.
I pull back, a habit.
She sticks her hands up in frustration and says, "See! You just made my point!"
I sigh and say, "It's noth-"
"Do not tell me that it is nothing, Jen! I know something is wrong with you!" she shouts.
I bite my lip.
She sighs and lets the subject go.
She sits on my spinny chair and goes on my laptop.
I go into my brothers room, and find him arranging to go out with his friends.
I tap the door, and he quickly says 'Got to go bye' when he sees me.
And I mean really see me.
Hundreds of thoughts are running through his mind.
I shake my head and say, "Look, I'm sorry for earlier, I just wanted my peace."
He sighs and says, "Why did you hide her? Mayre, I mean."
He changes his sentence when he thinks I'm thinking about Beccie.
My sister.
Well, she's not my sister anymore.
"I didn't. Never mind that, I just came in to say sorry," I say, going over to hug him when he holds his hands up.
"Woah, I like the fact you're saying sorry, but no physical content, k?" he asks.
I laugh but punch him on the shoulder.
The way me and Beccie used to.
I push the thought away and say, "By the way, Fellina really likes you."
His eyes open as he asks,"Are you talking about Fell Bepo?"
I laugh and say, "Why yes, yes I am."
He smiles and thankfully he doesn't wonder how I know, because he's too happy. "Thank you!" he says, hugging me.
I laugh and say, "I'm not the only one who doesn't like physical contact, you know!"
He runs down the stairs and goes out the door, not even bothering to shut it.
I push the door shut when I run down the stairs.
Mayre comes up and says, "So, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
I nod and say, "Yes. You don't know how hard."

Studying wasn't as nearly as boring as last time.
It was worse.
This time, we had 3 extra studies to do because we 'flunked' school yesterday, when we clearly were sick with the flu.
They said it was very suspicious that it went away the next day, but that happens, right?
When that was finished, Mayre went home at 11:12pm because that was the time we stopped studying at.
School was boring, too, obviously.
Hearing Mrs.Merigant droning on and on about behaviour, I was attempted to pull 'another' sickie.
It was in Biology it got exciting.
There was a new kid coming.
A boy.
A cute boy, hopefully.
I giggle to Mayre, when the doorknob twitches twitched.
I straighten up when everyone else does.
The door handle clicks as it makes its way out of the lock.
One quarter of a minute passes as we all wait, anxious to see him.
When the door opens, we all groan because its only Mr.Merigant.
Tugging the sleeve of a boy.
Who looks strangely familiar.
I gasp silently when his thoughts come my way.
I start to feel drowsy when he thinks, I can't believe it. It's Jen Meredy.
I recall no recognition of this boy, but he does look strangely familiar.
"Mrs.Meredy?" Mrs.Merigant says,pulling me out of my trance.
I nod and say, "Yes, miss?"
"You shall have to move seats - switch lab partners, if you must," she says, and I nearly burst out of my seat.
"W-why is that miss?" I stutter.
She smiles softly and says, "Rhoane needs somewhere to sit, and he would like to sit next to someone he knows, and you know him, so..." She shrugs and turns to walk away.
I shrug my shoulders and nod, my eyes locked on Rhoane.
I didn't know him, so why was he telling people I did?
When he sat down, I smiled sweetly and say, "Do I know you?"
He places his hand on mine and asks, "Do you not remember me?"
Mayre notices how I don't wince or push his hand away or take mine away, just leaving it to sit there, limplessly.
I shake my head and his hand disappears, and I don't need to look at him to know his hand is clenched tightly over the chair, the wood breaking.
He releases it and says, "Sorry. Must have gotten you mixed up with someone else."
I nod and eye him suspiciously.
I can't help the tingle going up and down my arm, the goosebumps or anything.
I just let them run freely.
Like they have been there before, with him.
I shake my head again and say, "Okay. So, tell me a bit about yourself."
His head snaps up and he says, "Um, okay. My parents died when I was younger, train crash," he nods as if he was there - that was probably how I recognized him, "And I live with foster parents."
I nod and say, "Same."
He nods and says, "Well, you know, you can't help it."
I turn my hands over without knowing and he stares at the scar.
He clenches his teeth as I do the same with my hands, and I get on with my work.
But I can't help but notice how his gaze kept wondering to my palm during class...
Strange, but true.
I tried to ignore his intense gaze,but couldn't. He reached forward and I sat my hand out and when his fingers touched my palm, my scar disappeared.
I blink and ask, "W-what h-h-how did yo-y-you do tha-that?"
He shakes his head and says, "Never mind."
I shake my head and when the bell rings, I release my hand from his, only for him to grab it again when I start to head out of the classroom.
"Okay, I don't know you and you are holding my hand," I say.
He blinks and says, "You honestly don't remember me?"
When I shake my head, he says, "Good. I need to talk to you, so can I drive you home from school?"
I nod and say, "Sure, whatever."
When he walks away, the tingle is still there.
I turn and see Mayre, and I say, "Hey, what's up?"
She glares at me and says, "Oh nothing. Everything is just fine."

Publication Date: 03-20-2011

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