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This is a true story. To give you a little background information, I am a long-term railroad employee. For the most part, I work in Chicago, Illinois. A few days ago I posted a story about something I witnessed, and I made up my own ending to what I pictured happening. This will not be that type of tale. This happened between October 2nd around 10 pm, and October 3rd around 1 pm. Over a 15 hr period, I encountered a series of morons that actually I found quite impressive. There won’t be much 2nd or 3rd person activity in this, as I am simply relaying to you the incredible stupidity of people in general.

Working on the railroad, I see a lot of crazy behavior. For the most part, believe it or not, the railroad people are not the main offenders. Sure, we have some complete incompetent nitwits… but not the amount you would think. There is a certain level of responsibility involved with my job. You can’t endanger the public if avoidable. That goes without saying right? But, there is not a day that goes by where I don’t see some crazy person decide… “Hey, this trains slow. I can go around these gates and get my kids home. “

WRONG… for your personal files, and I hope you file this in the one with the RED TAG… Trains move at deceptively fast speeds. I work for the railroad. Have for years. When I see a train coming, I CANNOT judge what speed its approaching me at.

Using my powerful deductive skills, honed with many cases of beer and quarts of whiskey, I always manage to make the correct decision. This is simple, I allow the train the right of way. Much like most pedestrians do when they see a car coming. Ironically, the same people that stop when a car is coming will risk their lives and those of their children by trying to beat a train.

I cannot stress the level of stupidity enough. A 10,000 ton train will take at least a mile to stop. If it’s a 20,000 ton train, it will take 2 miles to stop. Track speed for a freight train is 50 mph on CSX rail. We also have monster UPS trains that have a track speed of 60 mph. Either one of those will run you over and not even lose momentum. So… take a second for the sake of your own life, and decide whether you think its worth trying to beat a train.

Ok, tutoring over. Working out of Garrett Indiana, we departed at 6:15 pm on October 2nd for Chicago. I was working with one of my favorite engineers. He’s been on and off an engineer since the early 1970’s. While I’m also an engineer, the economy has me working as a conductor right now. That’s ok. I’m good at my job, and I don’t care much as long as I earn a paycheck. Anyway, I’m going to call him TV since we use initials on the railroad, and that’s a topic for another time.

We made our arrival within the Chicago Terminal at approximately 9:45 pm. In Chicago, the railroads are numerous, and to get to your destination you often have to use tracks dispatched by other railroads. The train we were on was to be classified at the BRC. Belt Rail Company. And in order for us to get there we either have to route across Union Pacific rail or Norfolk Southern. Being qualified both directions, we went via the Norfolk Southern line.

For some reason, whenever I have to put my train away on the BRC, its always raining. Particular weather phenomenon for me. Never fails, I’m going to get wet. Well, we managed to get our train to the BRC with no fatalities. And, I had my yarding instructions from the West Hump Yardmaster. We pulled into the track we were instructed, I donned my raingear and lined the route for the train so we could put it away with no unexpected accidents. Standard and fairly easy job that night.

Train was “yarded” with no problems, and I had applied handbrakes to the cars we left in each track. Standard on brakes in most yards is 3. Well, since it was pouring down rain I decided to only put 2 brakes on the first track we used. The 3rd handbrake was at the top of the car, and I didn’t feel comfortable climbing 20 ft to put it on. Its around midnight by this time and pouring down rain. So, if you are a critic, you would say I was lazy. If you’re a realist, you would say I was being safe.

No sooner did we finish the job, and this trainmaster shows up. Goes down the track and checks brakes.
Of course, I got busted for not properly tying down my train. This is the 3rd time this year I’ve been written up for some reason or another on the BRC. I’ve been going in and out of this place for years, and I don’t screw up on lining switches, or accidentally wreck my train. What it boils down to is that I’m from a foreign line railroad and they have to get in their efficiency tests. They have enough sense not to pick on their own employees.

We now have to put our engines away. And do so. Looking out the right side of the engine we can see the sign for the hotel we are to stay in. Sleep Inn at the Midway Hotel complex. We use a company called MB to transport railroad crews from yards to the hotel, and from the hotel to the trains when we are called to work. We are literally within 2 blocks of our hotel.

So, we wait for over an hour for our ride to show up. Finally, TV gets annoyed when he keeps watching the MB van drive around like a drunk chasing a monkey. In spite of the rain, he gets off and goes to run her down.

Moron #1

The driver… whom I will call Dumbutt out of courtesy, completely disregards the extremely tall and imposing man standing in her way, and dodges him. All the time complaining on the radio that she is unable to find the crew she is to pick up. She makes her way around all the buildings to the pickup area, and TV has to walk at least 3 blocks to knock on the window of her van. Honestly, if it would have been me, I would have assumed that she did it on purpose, and probably said some things that would be offensive. TV was nice, and after another 20 minutes of driver-drool, she managed to get us picked up.

Now that we are in the van, we have been on our train for 13 hrs. Pretty hungry actually. So there is a restaurant near Midway on the corner of 63rd St and Cicero. Anthony’s. They have very good food if you ever fly into Midway. TV and I have discussed going there for the Chicken Gyros. We are headed that way enroute to the hotel, and the radio chirps. “Brenda”, the MB dispatcher has gotten instructions that we are instead going to be staying at the Baymont on Sibley. This is an hour away by chopper. No joke. We are at 63rd St, and going to have to make it south of 163rd. Doesn’t sound like much but in Chicago, on a Friday night, it is one helluva long way. We try to call the dispatcher on the phone… no answer. We try to talk to Brenda, no response. So, were going to Baymont on Sibley. I’ll be honest, the driver we have is a pretty nice woman. Dumb as a rug, but I don’t hate her. She has that look in her eye that really makes an impression on you… My brother is my daddy type of look. She’s listening to a sermon on the radio by Ernest Angley, so I’m tired of it before I get my seatbelt fastened. Thank God I was healed.

Moron #2

We show up at the Baymont Hotel. The Asst General Manager is THRILLED to see us. Loves that railroad business since they always pay the bill. I don’t know her name, but she is a complete nitwit. Hair used to be slate grey over a terribly ugly face. Now its Auburn colored over a terribly ugly face. She apparently is banging one of the railroaders whose originating terminal I will not mention. This womans favorite topic is that one of the railroaders wants QVC since HSN just doesn’t cover it. (Dead Serious)
During the process of checking in, I notice my hotel card is the guys name I just worked with the other day. Somehow we got them exchanged. And I blurt it out. (I’m moron #3) We take 45 minutes to explain to her that it really doesn’t matter. The railroads going to pay the bill as long as we get a room. She’s appeased, yet annoying. I get my room… the bed is made with no roaches. So, I head to our crew room to mark off work.

No sooner than I am seated and ready to mark off… the phone rings. Yes… its moron #2 from the front desk at the Baymont. By this time I’ve told her at least 5 times… just give me a room. The railroad will pay for it regardless of who the inhabitant is. She is insistent that we call someone and straighten this situation out. Well, on 3 am on a Saturday morning, there just isn’t anyone to call…! We have a terribly long discussion. She knows I work for the railroad, we have known each other for over a year. So, I ask her if they keep any type of records of railroad employees.

YEP… they do. Without much sarcasm, I inquire about the possibility of their having a record of my staying there. And of course… they have the number of my hotel card on record. “Why don’t you just pull that information and check me in under the proper account? “ I asked her… And of course she slobbered that ok, she would do that if I had an ID.

This may sound redundant to anyone reading it. My apologies. But seriously, if you think it is proving to be a long, and drawn out experience for you… well, just for a second put yourself in my shoes. Its pretty close to a 24 hr day for me, and you probably are thinking… well she is concerned about being paid for the room. Let me assure

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