Now you're gone...forever - xhannahx (bearly read books .txt) 📗

Olivia

It’s been nearly a year now, since my love life disappeared. Will I be able to find it again?


Chapter One

One year ago…

‘Love is sweet,
Love is kind
Love is always in your mind.’

I carefully repeated the poem in my head, heavily outlining the word ‘Love’ each time.
Poetry in English class is something I don’t understand. It is supposed to be enjoyable, not filled with complicating words and pointless subjects. I wish all poems were as easy and simple as this one.
I turned my head around and glanced at the time. 55 minutes gone, just 5 more was left.
For the last part of the lesson Mr Hall rambled on about this week’s homework. I peered around the classroom, and then I spotted him… Charlie Adams.
I’d been trying to forget about him, but it was just impossible if he sat opposite me in class.
His chestnut, brown hair was neatly swayed to one side. His mouth is delicate, usually in a cheeky smile, but because of the boredom, his hand was resting on his cheek, putting his lips into a straight face. No sign of a grin. His deep, brown eyes were sparkling in the light, carefully focused on Mr Hall. Which reminded me that I had been awkwardly staring at Charlie rather than listening in class. I am very easily distracted.
The agony of seeing someone you love, when they don’t love you back.
Finally, the bell chimed, we quickly packed away our things and left the classroom.
It was then the highlight of the week- the weekend.




Chapter two

The weekend flew past, and it was Monday morning and I was back at school.
As I walked to school, my friends nagged on about what they did during the weekend. I didn’t get up to much, I just thought about Charlie. I hadn’t told my friends about what I thought about him. I never had before, I’d rather keep it to myself and not get the word out.
Then I thought to myself, should I tell him? SHOULD I TELL HIM? I would never have known how to start, let alone tell my feelings about him.
We arrived at the school gateway, thinking that it would be like any other Monday morning. I would go sit down on a bench, talk to my friends and wait until the bell rings. But that day was different…
I walked over to where we greeted everyone, but this time there was a huge crowd of people. I didn’t know what was going on. I couldn’t see Charlie anywhere, but I kept hearing his name being repeated.
I eventually nudged through some people and found Joe, Charlie’s best friend.
“Joe, Joe. What’s going on?” I asked him.
“Well”, Joe’s facial expression was completely different than usual. I had a feeling it was bad news. It looked as if he had recently been crying, but was attempting to hold onto the tears. Just three words is all he said.
“Charlie. Is. Dead”.
My head went dizzy, I thought I was going to faint. I could hardly breathe, and I felt my heart exploding into a million pieces. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know what to do. I tend to be very emotional, and I was already pouring out buckets of tears, I couldn’t stop myself.
The people around me must have thought something strange was going on. No-one else was in floods of tears, and I wasn’t even that close to Charlie.
This is when my love life officially left. There is no way of reversing what just happened. I never even got to tell him how I felt.


Chapter Three

My tears eventually calmed down, I was so used to thinking about Charlie that I couldn’t stop crying. People were constantly asking “What’s wrong” throughout the whole day. I just told them that there was something going on in the family, I wasn’t going to tell them about it. That day was definitely the longest day I have lived.
When I got home I went straight upstairs to my room. Mum got really worried because I never came downstairs, not even for dinner. I told her that I had lots of homework to do and I wasn’t very hungry.
That night I cried myself to sleep, I didn’t even want to hear the details of the death. I wish I were the one who weren’t alive. Charlie didn’t deserve to die.
The next day was hard, but any day is going to be better. I didn’t want to go into school, I tried to convince mum that I was ill, but she didn’t buy it.
I arrived at school and people were still talking about Charlie’s death. I tried to ignore the conversations but they just seemed to get louder. People were asking Joe loads of questions but he said that he didn’t want to get into it.
English class went even slower. Mr Hall had a conversation with us about Charlie. We then had to write poems about death. Something I really didn’t want to do, I scribbled down a few lines and just told Mr Hall that I wasn’t comfortable about the subject. I used up the rest of the lesson day dreaming about Charlie. Although it was more like day nightmares, (if that it possible).
At lunchtime the crowd eventually went, Joe wasn’t going to tell them anything so they then gave up.
At that point my life was hell. I can’t even explain how bad my life is now since Joe told me…
“Olivia” Joe called.
I turned around to see who it was. “Yes Joe”, I was very worried about what he was going to tell me, I didn’t want it to be about Charlie, I was still recovering from the last news he told me.
“I’m sure you’re wondering about the death of Charlie”, he explained. Yes I was curious, but I still didn’t really want to know. He said he wasn’t going to tell anyone anyway so I didn’t think I had anything to worry about.
“Everyone had been bugging me about it, except you. So I think you should know. Charlie’s death was not an accident”.
“WHAT!” I yelled, everyone else must have heard the exaggeration to my tone, but I was so startled. It was so unexpected. “You mean it was suicide?”
“Yes, suicide. Honestly Olivia, I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen”.
“Obviously not, or he would be here”, I yelled at him. “Wait, sorry. It’s not your fault, when things happen like this you can’t stop them. Do you know why? I can’t think of any reason why his life is a misery”.
“Well, that’s the thing. He wrote me a letter before he done it. Also one to his parents and some other friends. Another is for you.” Joe explained whilst handing me the letter.
“Oh, thanks”, I took the letter and glanced at the envelope. It said: ‘To Olivia, I’m sorry’. Just reading the envelope made me emotional, Joe could tell that there would be more tears soon.
“Just for some advice, mine was devastating, and if I were you I would read it alone. There may be some surprises. But don’t worry I haven’t read yours.”
“Thanks Joe. I’ll see you later”, the letter was still in my hands. I carefully placed it into my bag and went to last lesson. I wasn’t looking forward to when I had to read it.


Chapter Four

Last period was frustrating. I couldn’t concentrate on what Ms Woods was talking about. I wanted the lesson to go quickly so I could read the letter. But at the same time I wanted it to go slowly so I wouldn’t have to. I was nervous and scared. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Joe said. What did he mean about there may be some surprises. Joe had been Charlie’s best friend his whole life, what is his secret. Joe must know.
“Olivia. What’s the answer”, Ms Woods asked.
I didn’t have a clue, I hadn’t been paying attention the whole lesson. “Could you repeat the question please Miss”.
“It’s on the board, have you figured it out yet”, Ms Woods tone raised and her expression looked a bit angry. I could see a few equations on the board and quickly tried to figure it out.
“Um, x equals 23”.
“No, that is incorrect, try again”.
I had a quick peek at the persons book sitting next to my, luckily she was one of the smartest in the class. “It’s 25”.
Ms Woods looked a bit happier once I gave her the correct answer, she turned back to the board and continued writing more equations. I tried not to day dream anymore and worked until the bell. Once the bell rang, I dashed out of the classroom and started making my way home. I didn’t bother waiting for my friends.
When I got home I went straight upstairs. Luckily Mum and Dad were still at work and wouldn’t come home till later so I would have enough time just in case I got emotional.
The moment of truth came. I lay down on my bed with a box of tissues next to me. I carefully ripped the envelope open. Not only was there a letter, but a red rose. I took it out of the envelope and gave it a quick smell. There was a slight sting on my finger and I realised that one of the thorns had cut my finger. I thought that it was just going to be a small cut but it wouldn’t stop bleeding, I quickly got a plaster and headed back upstairs. I didn’t want a cut to distract me from the letter.
I unfolded the letter and got a waft of Charlie’s cologne. Just the smell made me upset.
I slowly read the letter, taking my time with every word. It read:
‘Dear Olivia,
I’m so sorry about what just happened. Don’t worry it’s not your fault, it’s me. My life was just not worth living.’

I was already sobbing my eyes out. I must have looked a wreck, my eyes were drenched and everything went blurry, but I attempted to continue reading it.
‘However you probably aren’t really that fussed about me. I mean we hardly ever talk but I think you have the right to know. Sorry I couldn’t tell you this face to face.’

My phone then started making noises and I realised that I have had an unread text message for a while. It was just Sophie wondering where I was this afternoon. I quickly texted her back and realised what the time was.
“Shoot”, I shouted.
I had completely forgotten that it was Tuesday, I had to pick up my little brother Callum. I