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Title: The Home and the World

Author: Rabindranath Tagore

Release Date: December, 2004 [EBook #7166]

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START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOME AND THE WORLD

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The Home and the World

Rabindranath Tagore

[1861-1941]

Translated [from Bengali to English]

by Surendranath Tagore

London: Macmillan, 1919

[published in India, 1915, 1916]

[Frontispiece: --see woman.jpg]

Chapter One

Bimala's Story

I

MOTHER, today there comes back to mind the vermilion mark [1] at

the parting of your hair, the sari [2] which you used to

wear, with its wide red border, and those wonderful eyes of

yours, full of depth and peace. They came at the start of my

life's journey, like the first streak of dawn, giving me golden

provision to carry me on my way.

The sky which gives light is blue, and my mother's face was dark,

but she had the radiance of holiness, and her beauty would put to

shame all the vanity of the beautiful.

Everyone says that I resemble my mother. In my childhood I used

to resent this. It made me angry with my mirror. I thought that

it was God's unfairness which was wrapped round my limbs--that my

dark features were not my due, but had come to me by some

misunderstanding. All that remained for me to ask of my God in

reparation was, that I might grow up to be a model of what woman

should be, as one reads it in some epic poem.

When the proposal came for my marriage, an astrologer was sent,

who consulted my palm and said, "This girl has good signs. She

will become an ideal wife."

And all the women who heard it said: "No wonder, for she

resembles her mother."

I was married into a Rajah's house. When I was a child, I was

quite familiar with the description of the Prince of the fairy

story. But my husband's face was not of a kind that one's

imagination would place in fairyland. It was dark, even as mine

was. The feeling of shrinking, which I had about my own lack of

physical beauty, was lifted a little; at the same time a touch of

regret was left lingering in my heart.

But when the physical appearance evades the scrutiny of our

senses and enters the sanctuary of our hearts, then it can forget

itself. I know, from my childhood's experience, how devotion is

beauty itself, in its inner aspect. When my mother arranged the

different fruits, carefully peeled by her own loving hands, on

the white stone plate, and gently waved her fan to drive away the

flies while my father sat down to his meals, her service would

lose itself in a beauty which passed beyond outward forms. Even

in my infancy I could feel its power. It transcended all

debates, or doubts, or calculations: it was pure music.

I distinctly remember after my marriage, when, early in the

morning, I would cautiously and silently get up and take the dust

[3] of my husband's feet without waking him, how at such moments

I could feel the vermilion mark upon my forehead shining out like

the morning star.

One day, he happened to awake, and smiled as he asked me: "What

is that, Bimala? What are you doing?"

I can never forget the shame of being detected by him. He might

possibly have thought that I was trying to earn merit secretly.

But no, no! That had nothing to do with merit. It was my

woman's heart, which must worship in order to love.

My father-in-law's house was old in dignity from the days of the

Badshahs. Some of its manners were of the Moguls and

Pathans, some of its customs of Manu and Parashar. But my

husband was absolutely modern. He was the first of the house to

go through a college course and take his M.A. degree. His elder

brother had died young, of drink, and had left no children. My

husband did not drink and was not given to dissipation. So

foreign to the family was this abstinence, that to many it hardly

seemed decent! Purity, they imagined, was only becoming in those

on whom fortune had not smiled. It is the moon which has room

for stains, not the stars.

My husband's parents had died long ago, and his old grandmother

was mistress of the house. My husband was the apple of her eye,

the jewel on her bosom. And so he never met with much difficulty

in overstepping any of the ancient usages. When he brought in

Miss Gilby, to teach me and be my companion, he stuck to his

resolve in spite of the poison secreted by all the wagging

tongues at home and outside.

My husband had then just got through his B.A. examination and

was reading for his M.A. degree; so he had to stay in Calcutta

to attend college. He used to write to me almost every day, a

few lines only, and simple words, but his bold, round handwriting

would look up into my face, oh, so tenderly! I kept his letters

in a sandalwood box and covered them every day with the flowers I

gathered in the garden.

At that time the Prince of the fairy tale had faded, like the

moon in the morning light. I had the Prince of my real world

enthroned in my heart. I was his queen. I had my seat by his

side. But my real joy was, that my true place was at his feet.

Since then, I have been educated, and introduced to the modern

age in its own language, and therefore these words that I write

seem to blush with shame in their prose setting. Except for my

acquaintance with this modern standard of life, I should know,

quite naturally, that just as my being born a woman was not in my

own hands, so the element of devotion in woman's love is not like

a hackneyed passage quoted from a romantic poem to be piously

written down in round hand in a school-girl's copy-book.

But my husband would not give me any opportunity for worship.

That was his greatness. They are cowards who claim absolute

devotion from their wives as their right; that is a humiliation

for both.

His love for me seemed to overflow my limits by its flood of

wealth and service. But my necessity was more for giving than

for receiving; for love is a vagabond, who can make his flowers

bloom in the wayside dust, better than in the crystal jars kept

in the drawing-room.

My husband could not break completely with the old-time

traditions which prevailed in our family. It was difficult,

therefore, for us to meet at any hour of the day we pleased. [4]

I knew exactly the time that he could come to me, and therefore

our meeting had all the care of loving preparation. It was like

the rhyming of a poem; it had to come through the path of the

metre.

After finishing the day's work and taking my afternoon bath, I

would do up my hair and renew my vermilion mark and put on my

sari, carefully crinkled; and then, bringing back my body

and mind from all distractions of household duties, I would

dedicate it at this special hour, with special ceremonies, to one

individual. That time, each day, with him was short; but it was

infinite.

My husband used to say, that man and wife are equal in love

because of their equal claim on each other. I never argued the

point with him, but my heart said that devotion never stands in

the way of true equality; it only raises the level of the ground

of meeting. Therefore the joy of the higher equality remains

permanent; it never slides down to the vulgar level of triviality.

My beloved, it was worthy of you that you never expected worship

from me. But if you had accepted it, you would have done me a

real service. You showed your love by decorating me, by

educating me, by giving me what I asked for, and what I did not.

I have seen what depth of love there was in your eyes when you

gazed at me. I have known the secret sigh of pain you suppressed

in your love for me. You loved my body as if it were a flower of

paradise. You loved my whole nature as if it had been given you

by some rare providence.

Such lavish devotion made me proud to think that the wealth was

all my own which drove you to my gate. But vanity such as this

only checks the flow of free surrender in a woman's love. When I

sit on the queen's throne and claim homage, then the claim only

goes on magnifying itself; it is never satisfied. Can there be

any real happiness for a woman in merely feeling that she has

power over a man? To surrender one's pride in devotion is

woman's only salvation.

It comes back to me today how, in the days of our happiness, the

fires of envy sprung up all around us. That was only natural,

for had I not stepped into my good fortune by a mere chance, and

without deserving it? But providence does not allow a run of

luck to last for ever, unless its debt of honour be fully paid,

day by day, through many a long day, and thus made secure. God

may grant us gifts, but the merit of being able to take and hold

them must be our own. Alas for the boons that slip through

unworthy hands!

My husband's grandmother and mother were both renowned for their

beauty. And my widowed sister-in-law was also of a beauty rarely

to be seen.