Living As A Fighter - Jordan Wadley, Amy Finley (reading diary .txt) 📗

LIVING AS A FIGHTER

JORDAN WADLEY
and Amy Finley

“She understands now what she, in all her worry, had forgotten. That even as she hesitates and wavers, even as she thinks too much and moves too cautiously, she doesn't always have to get it right. It's okay to look back, even as you move forward."  -Jennifer E. Smith

Some people are afraid of what they have yet to understand, and like many, Raychelle was someone many would categorize as misunderstood. At a younger age than most, losing her mother affected both her brother and her father. While some may turn to alcohol to dim the emotional pain, her father, Glenn, found another strategy. Living with an angry tempered and bitter man began to affect Raychelle as well and the fear she lived within daily began to play twisted jokes on her head. One day, when the games continue to go on too far, she's placed in a local hospital. Her brother, Tyler, not able to handle seeing his sister go through so much pain takes her away. With the two sharing secrets from one another, lies are shared and secrets are uncovered between the two. Who knew one could hold such promise?

Degenerated. Rejected. Secluded. I've been described as worthless for a while, by a various amount of people. No amount of apologies or blessings could stop the leaking faucet of emotion that I've tried so desperately to turn off. No screw can keep the body armor that I've tried so mercilessly to steady from falling apart. The world is a murky and cold yet bitter place, a place where happiness is only a figment of your imagination, and you don't realize this until you're told so... do you? The world that we live upon is just the mere concept of what our own imagination can paint. Tragedies and the everyday life and death experience that we tend to suffer through is just a mere life cycle, one in which I've yet to accept.

As a child I'd push away those who'd dare to stand near me, I'd hurt those who'd love me and I'd damage the trust of those who gave me there all. For what reason? There wasn't one. I was vaguely the only being that didn't deserve happiness on different accounts. The nightmares had only vanished, but I knew it was short lived. The world of my dreams weren't near as tragic as reality and I have yet to notice the gleaming aura that some say deems away my affairs. True, I had no reason to wallow in my pity but my soul leaves me no decision of my own.

A slight yet welcoming sting to my left cheek brought me down to earth until his angered eyes stared down on me with hatred. There never was any other emotion, other than anger of course, that I've noticed before she left us. His large hands wrapped around the base of my neck, forcing me to look away from my big brother's crumpled body now unmoving on the carpet floors.

"What have I told you? I just asked of you to just listen to me, just one god damned time!" I braced myself for the merciless hit that would puncture my already bruised body. My aching muscles wouldn't move unless a wince was provided as well, my bruised bones weren't to be touched unless a cry of pain was presented. The reality that I now lived in today was merely just a cruel awakened nightmare not too long ago. But when she left us my nightmares slowly but surely forced its way through reality until my nightmares were simply the only place left I was at peace.

He grew angry that I have yet to reply to his cruel and harsh words, his brown eyes darkened with rage until all he could do was look back at me with disgust. I looked so much like her it pained him, in fact I looked too much like her which meant I was merely a 'disgrace to the family'.

"I said answer me Ray, or god damn it I'll be the last goddamned person you ever see!" He threatened. I could only be thankful that he wasn't drunk today or Tyler's beatings would have been worse, much worse, which is what I feared at first until I stepped between Tyler and Glenn. He had no alcohol on his breath which meant he was simply just angry. I knew I could deal with his anger but I was only based on luck for I knew that he would've already completed his threat if he were drunk.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking!" I pleaded grasping desperately onto his large palms for support against the hard wall pressing firmly into my bruised backside while his hands tightened around my neck. My blue eyes flicked from side to side to keep the liquid from blurring my visions, I could already feel my face going numb with the amount of pressure his forefinger and thumb were permitting as I could no longer breath. Angry rasps were being sucked through what little oxygen I could summon but not enough to keep my body from numbing from the lack of oxygen my body was so severely stolen from me. The only thing I could be thankful for was the concept that he would release me once my body went limp, but as I looked into his angered face I doubted my theory. Fear struck at my heart and my blood pumped vigorously through my veins begging to release blood into my face. I could practically feel my face turning darker shades of red as the seconds ticked by. Though only seconds had passed it felt as if minutes had crumpled beneath my feet and I could no longer feel anything.

One last look at my little brother's limp body, I let darkness over ride me knowing for a fact that Glenn wouldn't touch Tyler while he was unconscious. My nerves were raked uncontrollably for fear of what he might do, I could no longer see or feel anything related to my human form but I was still fearing if he'd released me yet. If he was however, still holding me, then I may never wake from this peaceful darkness.

I continued to listen to the slight echo of my thoughts while staring off into nothingness, there was simply no temperature. A smile graced my lips thinking of all the possibilities that I may never wake, I've always found my dreams to be so much better than reality, but then again doesn't everybody? With that last thought I let myself drift off in the darkness, not knowing of what lay beyond that simple boundary but feeling the comfort the darkness permitted allowing myself to close off from the world around me.

*****

A beaming light pierced through my darkly lit eyelids sending an earth shattering headache through my skull as I grunted in protest. Brightly lit colors glowed with glee while a darker background looming like a never-ending shadow. Noises could be heard in the distance but they were blurred with the wind that sent chills down my spine. Meekly I pressed the base of my palm into the temple of my forehead applying increasing pressure until it became too much to handle. A slight chill on my arms had me gasping from the cold touch but I recovered quickly when the touch sent warmth to erase the strange feeling.

"It's okay, he left." A familiar voice spoke, their voice echoing like waves through me head. I grunted in annoyance before finally rolling over to my side. Everything felt weak and broken as I strangely found myself missing that empty darkness I once sat in.

"Where'd he go?" I asked the blond next to me, he also had few bruises beneath his eye but they were faint unlike the others that I knew rested beneath his thin shirt.

"He left a few hours ago saying he had work to do." Tyler spoke not disgusting the hatred for the bitter man. I had no doubt in my mind that Tyler would run soon, his disgust and anger towards Glenn was undisguisable and his gang would no doubt take him in. Tyler was accepted in the Blood Gang for his friend, Cole, was the gang leader and his best friend. The gang didn't know of Glenn's physical abuse and Tyler vowed that one day he would come for Glenn. I guess you could say I was thankful that my brother had my back but he failed to see what Glenn did when he was drunk. Tyler would grow angry and leave before Glenn could do anything to him while drunk but doing so left me in Glenn's grasp. I'd never known Glenn to be a gentleman. Before my mother's death he would only use words to hurt my brother and I but after the tragic death he had no reason to use words when he could simply... beat us.

"Sis, you okay?" Brought back to earth from my thoughts again, I gave my brother my attention and forced a ghost of a smile on my dried lips. The bed that I laid on was softer than the one at my home, and the pillows held my head up at just the right amount. Not enough to cause pain to my neck for the bruises still rested above my collarbone. I could still see the sad smile Tyler presented.

"Yeah, you?" I asked hopeful that he would leave me with my thoughts.

"Of course, just making sure you're okay. Don't think too much okay, it's nothing. We'll get out of here soon enough." The pain that Glenn inflicted upon me was nothing compared to the emptiness in my heart knowing I simply just wasn't good enough for anyone to love. I was worthless, as Glenn might say. I am worthless.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I'm going to get some sleep until he decides to come get us." Closing my eyelids I begin to fall back into the peaceful darkness once more, that was until he shook me awake again.

"Actually someone's here to pick us up, I didn't want you going home just yet." Tyler spoke sheepishly. I stared at him in horror knowing that the person would see the bruises that painted my face as well as his and if anyone were to find out, Glenn would-

"No, no no no no no Rayray calm down. You need to breath, slow breaths." He spoke rapidly but calm all at once. The only thing that seemed to run through my head was the danger that awaited for us, Glenn wouldn't let me off so easy this time. I knew what he was capable of and if Glenn found out anyone was helping...

"Someone help!" I vaguely heard his voice shout in the distance not seconds later many different hands were roaming my body. I screamed in horror and alarm as Glenn's angry face kept flashing before my eyes, his hand slamming down on my face smiling wickedly as he pulled his pants down