Nekked in the Summer - CornFed (good ebook reader txt) 📗

I was onced asked, “What does Summer mean to you?”

And I immediately took all my clothes off and ran around the back yard.

All of this was before lunch and I hadn’t even popped open a beer yet.

And no one dared to ask me that question again.

Until this contest.

I’m naked as I write this thanks to your pondering.

But naked is only half the fun. Nekkid is what Summer is really about, whether it’s in the day or the night. To quote Lewis Grizzard, the greatest author to ever decide writing was more important than drinking, the difference between naked and nekkid is…

“Naked means you ain’t got no clothes on. Nekked means you ain’t got no clothes on and you’re up to something.”

Summer is all about being “up to something” but there is a problem in this great land of ours with Summer.

For starters, everyone ends up getting pregnant during the Winter, or at least the greatest majority of women in the United States do. This means that it was too cold to get nekkid outside so everyone decided to get nekkid inside, either out of sheer boredom or because they didn’t equip the bed with enough blankets. Next thing you know, someone rolled close to someone, and nekked happened.

Sometimes nekked happened and ended very quickly.

When summer rolls around and the weather and the sun and the moon and the stars and the music and the food are all matched up perfectly for nekked-in-the-outdoors, too many people are pregnant and don’t want to go outside.

This is a travesty.

A few other problems develop when people think….

“This sun is perfect! I wish I could just get out of these clothes and be naked with a potential for nekked.”

Or....

“The moon and the stars are so beautiful! I wish I could just get out of these clothes and be naked with a potential for nekked.”

Granted, some people try this and they end up with the local law enforcement at their doorstep at 2 AM or they pass-out in the sun and begin to understand what sun burn really means when it’s in places it’s never been before.

But the greatest hindrance to what Summer is all about, lies in Americas own inability to be naked, to be ok with any kind of nekkid that happens as a result of said nakedness, and to carry that into the Summer sun and stars. My dog doesn’t seem to have a problem with this but I suspect he’s German.

What causes this?

Perhaps it’s religion?

I have yet to find anything in the Genesis that says “God created Calvin Klein and V-neck t-shirts with matching belts and boat shoes just in time for the Summer.”

Last I checked, all was good and nekkid for quite some time until the Guy ate some fruit that must have given him gas. After that, everyone started wearing fig leaves and masks of some kind, a feature more common today in the world of sadomasicism and other far-reaching nekked dimensions.

Perhaps it’s uncomfortableness?

Maybe in our button up shirts and knee length skirt corporate society, where only the truly “deviously nekked” are allowed to turn off the air conditioner and enjoy the Summer heat as naked with poential for nekked, there exists this tinge of “I don’t feel comfortable being naked outside or inside with a potential for nekked.”

Maybe it’s difficult in the first place, to just be naked, and even nekked, in the privacy of your own home. McDonalds and Wendy’s and long-range web streaming cameras have made certain of that.

Perhaps it’s the legal system?

The only places I’ve been in America that allowed naked by the pool was a strip club, but even then I didn’t get to participate and there was no potential for nekkid to happen since the Staff was there, armed with billy clubs and steroid injections.

And it’s a bit unnerving being naked in the city, or even in suburbia, since Soccer Moms always have the local sheriff’s department on their speed dial “just in case anything fun outside of soccer practice” happens within ear or eye shot.

I suppose “Public Indecency” isn’t the kind of misdemeanor I’d like to have on my life-in-America resume. At least if they changed the charge to “Naked followed by Nekkid”, I’d be ok with that.

Perhaps we are scared of what others would think?

Assuming we are taking care of this temple with food not raised on a hormone farm and spend enough time exercising the muscles, then the fear of a “raised eye brow” or a “you dirty little boy/girl” look, followed by lots of gossip to the local preacher or Congressman, would probably be the main reason for keeping naked, with a potential for nekkid, from happening.

Perhaps we are scared the wrong people would want to get naked with a potential for nekkid also?

I have a neighbor who has a wandering eye. I cannot tell in what direction his wandering eye would take him when I’m outside and close-to-naked-but-not-naked-yet. I don’t mind being nekked with my girlfriend. But I am not kosher with the attitude of nekked with the neighbor who shares not a single piece of anatomy I would consider within the genre of my own view of nekkedness.

What’s even worse, is when I’m nekked with another outside, it’s confusing to me which one of us he particularly wants for his own nekked party. I wish he would just wear a sign but I have no way of knowing these things.

Whatever the cause, it can’t be the weather. You can put on as many clothes as you need in the Winter, but in the middle of the Summer, day nor night, even that last thread is uncomfortable.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s the John Lennon and Yoko Ono in me, but if we imagine a world where Summer is lived the way that is the most freeing, perhaps we’d appreciate it more and quit complaining about the heat and the bugs and the bits of summer rain that surprise us.

And we could have more babies in March, so everyone can get back their energy in time for Summer. Which, incidentally, is when I was born. From what my parents tell me, it was the Veterans State Park in the heat of June, on top of an Oldsmobile, that naked happened and the potential for nekkid occurred. And I’m glad they didn’t pay any mind to the Park Rangers and Picnic Couples patrolling the grounds.

And there will come a day when we all look back at the beauty of Summer and wish we had been naked, with the potential for nekked, more often. And we’ll have to answer for that. The conversation with God would go something like this…..

“Why didn’t you enjoy My creation of Summer more?”
“Well, I was scared of naked, with the potential of nekkid.”
“Why didn’t you enjoy My creation of You more?”
“Well, I prefer to keep it all covered up.”

Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

Crickets. That’s all we’ll hear with those answers. God and his Crickets, chirping up the silence, waiting for us to ponder what we missed.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go outside now. And be naked with a potential for nekkid.

Publication Date: 06-14-2010

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