Real Strange Vibes Volume 10 - Al Calm (red white royal blue txt) 📗

a fucking word of English, fancy French cunt, her and her dull acoustic guitar, he just wanted to fuck her from behind all the fucking time and she let him. Good fucking riddance to him, he can give her a sore fucking arse!

Really? Fucking Au Pear, what the fuck? Sounds like a fucking fruit. He a homoluvvin'-battyfucker? Splashback laughs, he thinks it funny, he can’t believe it but it sounds unreal it has got to be real. I remember seeing Splashback take it up the arse at some orgy at a big house in Stevenage; the girls loved watching it, Splashback was fucked but loved every minute of it. When yer get proper fucked you juzz lurve fuckin' or whatever, like when a fit girl puts on a strap-on, yer ain't sayin' nah not tonight. She'll plough yer butt, like you gonna plough her too. Those sliders are mad, too. Can't act like he some homo-hatin' fucker when he goes swingin' n has to get tested every time he gets lash up.

Floor turns to jelly for a bit, jellied eels under the lino, with lotsa shiny razor-sharp teeth; fuckers all smilin' at me, see those big spiders and daddy long-legs flappin' again, they be massive fuckers! Huge moths fly at our faces.

 

Dribbles spits at them, tappin' zoot ash on floor. He's binned up real quick again, got a half bar left, worried about Monday morning. He might not have any left, fuckin missions pickin' up this much again.

Friday night settlin' real fine, he says to himself:

Ra spiders with wings, fuckin’ mental! Fuckin' proper trippy daddy long-legs, they're like spiders with shitty little wings! Remember when they tried to continue Minder with dude outta Daz doorstep challenge? Fuckin' weirdest ting ever!

Sandra laughs. He was in EastEnders too yer prick. Gotta light?

 

Splashback hands his lit zoot to Sandra who puts her fag down. She don’t toke, but you know the score when folk get right on it. Do fucking anything innit! The so-called pisshead who don’t touch green has forgot now wants to chuff it up like Cheech n fuckin' Chong. She puffs real hard, keeps chatting,

 

Oh yeah, my old man, he likes backdoor action. Read into it your way fellas! I always thought him a bit odd, he likes girls with small tits now though. Like a boy with flat nips. I wondered why he was always trying to fuck me up the arse, I don’t mind doggy style but you can leave me butt alone. I was on that Busco shit for me IBS. Ganja sorted it in the end. You reckon he’s one of those closet faggot, fellas?

 

Old skool term, love it when old skool ladies say fellas. Got to have a sarf London styley, but when some posh fucker says fellas just sounds queer as fuck. The old skool pumping now, getting into the real shit. Vibes for mileage. Remarc: One for the Vibes, gets you mind-spaced to fuck. Spaced invader, fucking Rebel MC coming in. Jungle Happy Old skool mashup. Still love Street Tuff n Rock Ya; get into some Acid early break vibes. Fuckin' dig Chime.

 

Zonin', need some shrooms or some more acid to take the edge off this dodgy shit. Splashback, passes Dribbles a beer, says:

 

Got some legal illegal shit here: AMT, Spice, some shit, fucking B.Z.P., too. Easy to get; cut into everythin' n anythin', like DMAA n caffeine, careful if you over do it though, poison fuckers by accident if you're a mill off!

 

Yeah, fuck it, bring it on. Want to be fucked by the time Don't Ride The White Horse drops! Dribbles laughs.

 

Fucking love that tune. You guys are kids and you got better taste than me old man. He was into it all, took me to see Colin Dale, Carl Craig, Dave Angel, Knighty, Oaky, Tong, Morillo, Coxy, all these legends and now he can’t be fucked, you got good taste. I stick to Bunter on the radio, I fuckin' love Billy.

 

Dig Bunter, him and Slippers, Dugsy, Ratpack, all those dudes. Fucking love happy hardcore. Been listening to it since I was fucking ten! Bein' a kid listenin' to MJ n Run-DMC, then wonderin' whatta noise man, what is it? Splashback tells us, racks up a fat line off a dirty tray.

 

Sandra randomly shrieks: Not that dirty cut-down bash shit, ain’t even got shitload of real bugle in anyway. The cut used to be so much better, so low now, too much talc, caffeine powder and baby powder. Fucking waste of money, yer shit it all out! Stick to JD, weed n GHB!

 

It funny, as that what Splashback’s older step-bro say just that to him.

 

His bro called Flashback, old epileptic fucker in his late thirties, caned it so much he gone too far gone, loves the NPS trip out vibe, N-Bomb and all of it, mix the 2CB with the mega powerful PMMA pills. The guy’s spaced to fuck! He loves to get proper fucked to shit on tonnes of acid, shrooms, pills, super-skunk, like proper white Dam busting super-skunk! Fucking mental shit for sure. That dude remembers starting puffing on Gold Seal, Red Seal and Squidgy Black. Just all day everyday to that fucker, he never gonna work for shit.

 

I remember Squidgy Black being everywhere when I was a kid, wicked pills, amazing weed what don’t fuck your head up, some mental trips too; everything seemed so much better. I just about remember him when I was a kid, stagger all over the gaff, shaking and drooling, always messed up, Flashback didn’t give a fuck that he look totally fucked up!

 

You would say stick to JD, fucking pisshead! Dribbles mumbles, he lost in stoner speak mumbly dreamspeak, only those on the wavelength can hear. The tunes take over, old skool style, Nicky Blackmarket at Helter Skelter, the way old skool should sound back in '98. And that was old skool revival still.

 

That's when vibes got fucked, Slimy Franco chips in with Goofball and Trollface and some bird called Emma.

 

Easy ladies, how you? Franco smiles real creepy.

 

Here for yer sort out?

 

Fucking know it, yous owe me a nifty. Thought I was too fucked to remember?

 

Fucking paid yous a nifty time ago, fuckin' cheeky fucka! Splashback lookin real pissed off!

 

I don’t know it, why ain’t I fucking got it? Franco goes all mean, eyes like little slits.

 

Fucking pissed it away dumb fucker, aint ya! Dribbles goes, laughing.

 

Goofball starts tucking into the snort. Fucking poncing shit, looks like he hasn’t slept for days, all dirty trackies and stinks of puke and piss. His scummy Adidas seen better days. He don’t care.

 

Get your mitts off fucker! You some ponce? What the fuck? Splashback goes to Goofball.

 

Franco gives Goofball a half gram, all it takes to get Goofball back on side.

 

Goofball laughs, the retarded fucker. He got no brains. Or balls. Franco says:

 

I been bunnin' all day, can't think for shit. Emma here been keeping me company. She says she a fresher but I think she's still in sixth form. Trollface laughs, trying to look at Emma's snatch. She wearing bikini top cut-off jeans, her love handles out the sides, proper womanly hips, and flip flops with Day-Glo polish on her toenails. Looks funny. Fucks with me eyes.

 

Sandra is actually better looking than her. They don’t really look like they get on, but Sandra hugs Emma, she’s pleased to have another girl here. I just hope she don’t think Sandra’s our old dear.

 

Yeah, she looks young, so what? You lot are pervin', I'm a father remember.

 

So am I, you fucked fucker! So am I. I can’t see the kids anyway, missus won’t let me near them innit. Fuck em. I need you to find some fucker for me. I got to find those fuckers, Custard and Konectif, that Crisp fucker. I need. Musky and Layla are fucked up, in some shit in Ibiza. I don’t know what, they need people who know shit.

 

I don’t give a fuck about that fucker. Who he?

 

You know a DJ called Hog. Some fucker called Clive? Goofball can’t find them either. Fucking just vanished.

 

Just the way it goes. We’re all randoms really. Fuck, you’re the worst random of the lot and I’ve known you for fucking years. You’re a fucking fucker I’d love to see the back of! Splashback goes

 

Don’t get cocky now Splashy, I know you well, I know you’re joking but we’re all friends innit. Loved up people.

 

You still say that before you come back with a shank? A little blade hidden on ya? Fuck, Franco I thought you were hating the aggro. I heard you battered that Croydon punk. Why you want to help him?

 

He knows where my fucking stash is. Fucker got the fucking thing, went on some last minute hol with his missus, that kinky bitch Layla’s a fuckin' wrong 'un, Musky just bums her, says that all he likes! She gets all funny and wants him back there but Musky para, he never been away before, needs sorting all the time. Got into some shit. Musky gonna fuck himself over, he wanna make over one hundred and sixty kay in five months, we all know what he been knockin' out to make dollarino like it!

 

Everyone looks at each other, proper reeeaaal awkward, trust! Franco's gonna start chuffin skag n crack soon. Though Emma's tucking into Goofball's half gee. Trollface looks like he wants to get it on with Emma. She giggles and pushes him away. Bet she been doing that all night. He's filming her on his phone, holding his tiny bell-end. When he has a dinger it looks like he gotta walnut. Emma chuckles, probably never seen such a tiny prick before. Trollo could use water-balloons as johnnies and save himself a shitload load of money. To be honest we all gave up with johnnies time ago!

 

Not a gent are ya? Sandra says to him. The fat fucker shrugs, he's had more depressing shit said about him. Fucker gotta skin thicker than a T-Rex's. He don't care what people say. But he does dig Sandra.

 

Sandra keeps on though: Bet you shoot yer load juz thinkin' it. I know you. I was a good mum, me daughter she just went, me best friend fucked me boyfriend. Fuck you Tanya, fuck yousawhore! I dunno shit but I know a total cunt when I see one.

 

Trollface just laughs, he tell Sandra: I Can't wait to cum in ya face later! Sandra gives him the finger; which probably is what she'll do later when Trollo asks her to stick it up his arse, probably only way he can fuckin' cum.

 

Franco laughs, but Dribbles shakes his head. Goofball reckons it hilarious. Laughs so much the dirty spazz shits himself.

 

Fucking proper hums to fuck, can't take some fuckers anywhere.

 

No wonder he don't get allowed in anywhere no more; pukes pisses n shits everywhere, he's another fuckin' mentalist.

 

Man, really, you could've waited! Wasn't even that fucking funny! Dribbles goes.

 

He can't help it, he's a total spazz! If it weren't for him I wouldn't know what's cut with ket or what's fucking really well cut. He's better than a fucking test lab kit.

 

Splashback, downs another vodka, two big scoops - always tuck into a bottle when it someone else's! Splashback smiles then goes to everyone: You know Musky can fuck off! I ain't on a fuckabout with those crazy promoter fuckers either, Bungle, Custard, I heard about 'em all. They got enough hangers on like that dick, Clive. What a fanny! Clive was boppin' round with Musky for a bit, fuckin' poser. Fuck 'em all, it ain't our mission!