The Attache; Or, Sam Slick In England(Fiscle Part-3) - Thomas Chandler Haliburton (reading well txt) 📗
- Author: Thomas Chandler Haliburton
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"Soon Arter This We Came To Everett's Public-House On
The Bay, And I Galloped Up To The Door, And Went As Close
As I Cleverly Could On Purpose, And Then Reined Up Short
And Sudden, When Whap Goes The Pony Right Agin The Side
Of The House, And Nearly Killed Himself. He Never Stirred
For The Matter Of Two Or Three Minutes. I Actilly Did
Think He Had Gone For It, And Steve Went Right Thro' The
Winder On To The Floor, With A Holler Noise, Like A Log
O' Wood Thrown On To The Deck Of A Vessel. 'Eugh!' Says
He, And He Cut Himself With The Broken Glass Quite
Ridikilous.
"'Why,' Sais Everett, 'As I Am A Livin' Sinner This Is
"The Grave-Digger," He'll Kill You, Man, As Sure As You
Are Born, He Is The Wickedest Hoss That Ever Was Seen In
These Clearins Here; And He Is As Blind As A Bat Too. No
Man In Nova Scotia Can Manage That Hoss But Goodish
Greevoy, And He'd Manage The Devil That Feller, For He
Is Man, Horse, Shark, And Sarpent All In One, That
Frenchman. What Possessed You To Buy Such A Varmint As
That?'
"'Grave Digger!' Said Doleful Steve, 'What Is That?'
Volume 2 Chapter 12 (Tattersall's Or, The Elder And The Grave Digger) Pg 169
"'Why,' Sais He, 'They Went One Day To Bury A Man, Down
To Clare Did The French, And When They Got To The Grave,
Who Should Be In It But The Pony. He Couldn't See, And
As He Was A Feedin' About, He Tumbled In Head Over Heels
And They Called Him Always Arterwards 'The Grave-Digger.'"
"'Very Simple People Them French,' Sais I, 'Elder; They
Don't Know Nothin' About Hosses, Do They? Their Priests
Keep Them In Ignorance On Purpose.'
"Steve Winced And Squinched His Face Properly; And Said
The Glass In His Hands Hurt Him. Well, Arter We Sot All
To Rights, We Began To Jog On Towards Digby. The Elder
Didn't Say Much, He Was As Chop Fallen As A Wounded Moose;
At Last, Says He, 'I'll Ship Him To St. John, And Sell
Him. I'll Put Him On Board Of Captain Ned Leonard's
Vessel, As Soon As I Get To Digby.' Well, As I Turned My
Head To Answer Him, And Sot Eyes On Him Agin, It Most
Sot Me A Haw, Hawin' A Second Time, He _Did_ Look So Like
Old Scratch. Oh Hedges! How Haggardised He Was! His New
Hat Was Smashed Down Like A Cap On The Crown Of His Head,
His White Cravat Was Bloody, His Face All Scratched, As
If He Had Been Clapper-Clawed By A Woman, And His Hands
Was Bound Up With Rags, Where The Glass Cut 'Em. The
White Sand Of The Floor Of Everett's Parlour Had Stuck
To His Damp Clothes, And He Looked Like An Old Half Corned
Miller, That Was A Returnin' To His Wife, Arter A Spree.
A Leetle Crest Fallen For What He Had Got, A Leetle Mean
For The Way He Looked, And A Leetle Skeered For What He'd
Catch, When He Got To Home. The Way He Sloped Warn't No
Matter. He Was A Pictur, And A Pictur I Must Say, I Liked
To Look At.
"And Now Squire, Do You Take Him Off Too, Ingrave Him,
And Bind Him Up In Your Book, And Let Others Look At It,
And Put Onder It '_The Elder And The Grave-Digger_.'"
"Well, When We Got To Town, The Tide Was High, And The
Vessel Jist Ready To Cast Off, And Steve, Knowin' How
Skeer'd Pony Was Of The Water, Got Off To Lead Him, But
The Critter Guessed It Warn't A Bridge, For He Smelt Salt
Water On Both Sides Of Him, And Ahead Too, And Budge He
Wouldn't. Well, They Beat Him Most To Death, But He Beat
Back Agin With His Heels, And It Was A Drawd Fight. Then
They Goes To The Fence And Gets A Great Strong Pole, And
Puts It Across His Hams, Two Men At Each Eend Of The
Pole, And Shoved Away, And Shoved Away, Till They Progressed
A Yard Or So; When Pony Squatted Right Down On The Pole,
Throwd Over The Men, And Most Broke Their Legs, With His
Weight.
"At Last, The Captain Fetched A Rope, And Fixes It Round
His Neck, With A Slip Knot, Fastens It To The Windlass,
And Dragged Him In As They Do An Anchor, And Tied Him By
Volume 2 Chapter 12 (Tattersall's Or, The Elder And The Grave Digger) Pg 170His Bridle To The Boom; And Then Shoved Off, And Got
Under Weigh.
"Steve And I Sot Down On The Wharf, For It Was A Beautiful
Day, And Looked At Them Driftin' Out In The Stream, And
Hystin' Sail, While The Folks Was Gettin' Somethin' Ready
For Us To The Inn.
"When They Had Got Out Into The Middle Of The Channel,
Took The Breeze, And Was All Under Way, And We Was About
Turnin' To Go Back, I Saw The Pony Loose, He Had Slipped
His Bridle, And Not Likin' The Motion Of The Vessel, He
Jist Walked Overboard, Head Fust, With A Most A Beautiful
Splunge.
"'_A Most Refreshin' Time_,' Said I, 'Elder, That Critter
Has Of It. I Hope _That Sinner Will Be Saved_.'
"He Sprung Right Up On Eend, As If He Had Been Stung By
A Galley Nipper, Did Steve, 'Let Me Alone,' Said He.
'What Have I Done To Be Jobed, That Way? Didn't I Keep
Within The Strict Line O' Truth? Did I Tell That Frenchman
One Mossel Of A Lie? Answer Me, That, Will You? I've Been
Cheated Awful; But I Scorn To Take The Advantage Of Any
Man. You Had Better Look To Your Own Dealin's, And Let
Me Alone, You Pedlin', Cheatin' Yankee Clockmaker You.'
"'Elder,' Sais I, 'If You Warn't Too Mean To Rile A Man,
I'd Give You A Kick On Your Pillion, That Would Send You
A Divin' Arter Your Hoss; But You Ain't Worth It. Don't
Call Me Names Tho', Or I'll Settle Your Coffee For You,
Without A Fish Skin, Afore You Are Ready To Swaller It
I Can _Tell_ You. So Keep Your Mouth Shut, My Old Coon,
Or Your Teeth Might Get Sun-Burnt. You Think You Are
Angry With Me; But You Aint; You Are Angry With Yourself.
You Know You Have Showd Yourself A Proper Fool For To
Come, For To Go, For To Talk To A Man That Has Seed So
Much Of The World As I Have, Bout "_Refreshin' Time_,"
And "_Outpourin' Of Spirit_," And "_Makin' Profession_"
And What Not; And You Know You Showd Yourself An Everlastin'
Rogue, A Meditatin' Of Cheatin' That Frenchman All Summer.
It's Biter Bit, And I Don't Pity You One Mossel; It Sarves
You Right. But Look At The Grave-Digger; He Looks To Me
As If He Was A Diggin' Of His Own Grave In Rael Right
Down Airnest.'
"The Captain Havin' His Boat Histed, And Thinkin' The
Hoss Would Swim Ashore Of Hisself, Kept Right Straight
On; And The Hoss Swam This Way, And That Way, And Every
Way But The Right Road, Jist As The Eddies Took Him. At
Last, He Got Into The Ripps Off Of Johnston's Pint, And
They Wheeled Him Right Round And Round Like A Whip-Top.
Poor Pony! He Got His Match At Last. He Struggled, And
Jumpt, And Plunged And Fort, Like A Man, For Dear Life.
Volume 2 Chapter 12 (Tattersall's Or, The Elder And The Grave Digger) Pg 171Fust Went Up His Knowin' Little Head, That Had No Ears;
And He Tried To Jump Up And Rear Out Of It, As He Used
To Did Out Of A Mire Hole Or Honey Pot Ashore; But There
Was No Bottom There; Nothin' For His Hind Foot To Spring
From; So Down He Went Agin Ever So Deep: And Then He
Tried T'other Eend, And Up Went His Broad Rump, That Had
No Tail; But There Was Nothin' For The Fore Feet To Rest
On Nother; So He Made A Summerset, And As He Went Over,
He Gave Out A Great Long End Wise Kick To The Full Stretch
Of His Hind Legs.
"Poor Feller! It Was The Last Kick He Ever Gave In This
World; He Sent His Heels Straight Up On Eend, Like A Pair
Of Kitchen Tongs, And The Last I See Of Him Was A Bright
Dazzle, As The Sun Shined On His Iron Shoes, Afore The
Water Closed Over Him For Ever.
"I Railly Felt Sorry For The Poor Old 'Grave-Digger,' I
Did Upon My Soul, For Hosses And Ladies Are Two Things,
That A Body Can't Help Likin'. Indeed, A Feller That
Hante No Taste That Way Ain't A Man At All, In My Opinion.
Yes, I Felt Ugly For Poor 'Grave-Digger,' Though I Didn't
Feel One Single Bit So For That Cantin' Cheatin', Old
Elder. So When I Turns To Go, Sais I, 'Elder,' Sais I,
And I Jist Repeated His Own Words--'I Guess It's Your
Turn To Laugh Now, For You Have Got The Best Of The
Bargain, And No Mistake. Goodish And The Old Mare Are
Jist Alike, All Tongue, Ain't They? But These French Is
A Simple People, So They Be; They Don't Know Nothin',
That's A Fact. Their Priests Keep 'Em In Ignorance A
Puppus.
"The Next Time You Tell Your Experience To The Great
Christian Meetin' To Goose Creek, Jist Up And Tell 'Em,
From Beginnin' To Eend, The Story Of The--'_Elder And
The Grave-Digger_.'"
Volume 2 Chapter 13 (Looking Back) Pg 172
In The Course Of The Evening, Mr. Hopewell Adverted To
His Return As A Matter Of Professional Duty, And Spoke
Of It In Such A Feeling And Earnest Manner, As To Leave
No Doubt Upon My Mind, That We Should
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