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The Fruits Of The

Whole Earth. The Gentleman Is,  By Employing Hands,  Likewise To

Embellish His Country With The Improvement Of Art And Sciences,

With The Making And Executing Good And Wholesome Laws For The

Preservation Of Property And The Distribution Of Justice,  And In

Several Other Manners To Be Useful To Society. Now We Come To The

Second Part Of This Division,  Viz.,  Of Those Who Employ Hands For

Their Own Use Only; And This Is That Noble And Great Part Who Are

Generally Distinguished Into Conquerors,  Absolute Princes,

Statesmen,  And Prigs [Footnote: Thieves.]. Now All These Differ

From Each Other In Greatness Only--They Employ More Or Fewer

Hands. And Alexander The Great Was Only Greater Than A Captain Of

One Of The Tartarian Or Arabian Hordes,  As He Was At The Head Of A

Larger Number. In What Then Is A Single Prig Inferior To Any Other

Great Man,  But Because He Employs His Own Hands Only; For He Is

Not On That Account To Be Levelled With The Base And Vulgar,

Because He Employs His Hands For His Own Use Only. Now,  Suppose A

Prig Had As Many Tools As Any Prime Minister Ever Had,  Would He

Not Be As Great As Any Prime Minister Whatsoever? Undoubtedly He

Would. What Then Have I To Do In The Pursuit Of Greatness But To

Procure A Gang,  And To Make The Use Of This Gang Centre In Myself?

This Gang Shall Rob For Me Only,  Receiving Very Moderate Rewards

For Their Actions; Out Of This Gang I Will Prefer To My Favour The

Book 1 Chapter 13 Pg 48

Boldest And Most Iniquitous (As The Vulgar Express It); The Rest I

Will,  From Time To Time,  As I See Occasion,  Transport And Hang At

My Pleasure; And Thus (Which I Take To Be The Highest Excellence

Of A Prig) Convert Those Laws Which Are Made For The Benefit And

Protection Of Society To My Single Use."

 

Having Thus Preconceived His Scheme,  He Saw Nothing Wanting To Put

It In Immediate Execution But That Which Is Indeed The Beginning

As Well As The End Of All Human Devices: I Mean Money. Of Which

Commodity He Was Possessed Of No More Than Sixty-Five Guineas,

Being All That Remained From The Double Benefits He Had Made Of

Bagshot,  And Which Did Not Seem Sufficient To Furnish His House,

And Every Other Convenience Necessary For So Grand An Undertaking.

He Resolved,  Therefore,  To Go Immediately To The Gaming-House,

Which Was Then Sitting,  Not So Much With An Intention Of Trusting

To Fortune As To Play The Surer Card Of Attacking The Winner In

His Way Home. On His Arrival,  However,  He Thought He Might As Well

Try His Success At The Dice,  And Reserve The Other Resource As His

Last Expedient. He Accordingly Sat Down To Play; And As Fortune,

No More Than Others Of Her Sex,  Is Observed To Distribute Her

Favours With Strict Regard To Great Mental Endowments,  So Our Hero

Lost Every Farthing In His Pocket. This Loss However He Bore With

Great Constancy Of Mind,  And With As Great Composure Of Aspect. To

Say Truth,  He Considered The Money As Only Lent For A Short Time,

Or Rather Indeed As Deposited With A Banker. He Then Resolved To

Have Immediate Recourse To His Surer Stratagem; And,  Casting His

Eyes Round The Room,  He Soon Perceived A Gentleman Sitting In A

Disconsolate Posture,  Who Seemed A Proper Instrument Or Tool For

His Purpose. In Short (To Be As Concise As Possible In These Least

Shining Parts Of Our History),  Wild Accosted This Man,  Sounded

Him,  Found Him Fit To Execute,  Proposed The Matter,  Received A

Ready Assent,  And,  Having Fixed On The Person Who Seemed That

Evening The Greatest Favourite Of Fortune,  They Posted Themselves

In The Most Proper Place To Surprise The Enemy As He Was Retiring

To His Quarters,  Where He Was Soon Attacked,  Subdued,  And

Plundered; But Indeed Of No Considerable Booty; For It Seems This

Gentleman Played On A Common Stock,  And Had Deposited His Winnings

At The Scene Of Action,  Nor Had He Any More Than Two Shillings In

His Pocket When He Was Attacked.

 

This Was So Cruel A Disappointment To Wild,  And So Sensibly

Affects Us,  As No Doubt It Will The Reader,  That,  As It Must

Disqualify Us Both From Proceeding Any Farther At Present,  We Will

Now Take A Little Breath,  And Therefore We Shall Here Close This

Book.

 

Book 2 Chapter 1 Pg 49

Characters Of Silly People,  With The Proper Uses For Which Such

Are Designed.

 

 

 

 

 

One Reason Why We Chose To End Our First Book,  As We Did,  With The

Last Chapter,  Was,  That We Are Now Obliged To Produce Two

Characters Of A Stamp Entirely Different From What We Have

Hitherto Dealt In. These Persons Are Of That Pitiful Order Of

Mortals Who Are In Contempt Called Good-Natured; Being Indeed Sent

Into The World By Nature With The Same Design With Which Men Put

Little Fish Into A Pike-Pond,  In Order To Be Devoured By That

Voracious Water-Hero.

 

But To Proceed With Our History: Wild,  Having Shared The Booty In

Much The Same Manner As Before,  I.E. Taken Three-Fourths Of It,

Amounting To Eighteen-Pence,  Was Now Retiring To Rest,  In No Very

Happy Mood,  When By Accident He Met With A Young Fellow Who Had

Formerly Been His Companion,  And Indeed Intimate Friend,  At

School. It Hath Been Thought That Friendship Is Usually Nursed By

Similitude Of Manners,  But The Contrary Had Been The Case Between

These Lads; For Whereas Wild Was Rapacious And Intrepid,  The Other

Had Always More Regard Far His Skin Than His Money; Wild Therefore

Had Very Generously Compassionated This Defect In His School-

Fellow,  And Had Brought Him Off From Many Scrapes,  Into Most Of

Which He Had First Drawn Him,  By Taking The Fault And Whipping To

Himself. He Had Always Indeed Been Well Paid On Such Occasions;

There Are A Sort Of People Who,  Together With The Best Of The

Bargain,  Will Be Sure To Have The Obligation Too On Their Side; So

It Had Happened Here: For This Poor Lad Had Considered Himself In

The Highest Degree Obliged To Mr. Wild,  And Had Contracted A Very

Great Esteem And Friendship For Him; The Traces Of Which An

Absence Of Many Years Had Not In The Least Effaced In His Mind. He

No Sooner Knew Wild,  Therefore,  Than He Accosted Him In The Most

Friendly Manner,  And Invited Him Home With Him To Breakfast (It

Being Now Near Nine In The Morning),  Which Invitation Our Hero

With No Great Difficulty Consented To. This Young Man,  Who Was

About Wild's Age,  Had Some Time Before Set Up In The Trade Of A

Jeweller,  In The Materials Or Stock For Which He Had Laid Out The

Greatest Part Of A Little Fortune,  And Had Married A Very

Agreeable Woman For Love,  By Whom He Then Had Two Children. As Our

Book 2 Chapter 1 Pg 50

Reader Is To Be More Acquainted With This Person,  It May Not Be

Improper To Open Somewhat Of His Character,  Especially As It Will

Serve As A Kind Of Foil To The Noble And Great Disposition Of Our

Hero,  And As The One Seems Sent Into This World As A Proper Object

On Which The Talents Of The Other Were To Be Displayed With A

Proper And Just Success.

 

Mr. Thomas Heartfree Then (For That Was His Name) Was Of An Honest

And Open Disposition. He Was Of That Sort Of Men Whom Experience

Only,  And Not Their Own Natures,  Must Inform That There Are Such

Things As Deceit And Hypocrisy In The World,  And Who,

Consequently,  Are Not At Five-And-Twenty So Difficult To Be

Imposed Upon As The Oldest And Most Subtle. He Was Possessed Of

Several Great Weaknesses Of Mind,  Being Good-Natured,  Friendly,

And Generous To A Great Excess. He Had,  Indeed,  Too Little Regard

To Common Justice,  For He Had Forgiven Some Debts To His

Acquaintance Only Because They Could Not Pay Him,  And Had

Entrusted A Bankrupt,  On His Setting Up A Second Time,  From Having

Been Convinced That He Had Dealt In His Bankruptcy With A Fair And

Honest Heart,  And That He Had Broke Through Misfortune Only,  And

Not From Neglect Or Imposture. He Was Withal So Silly A Fellow

That He Never Took The Least Advantage Of The Ignorance Of His

Customers,  And Contented Himself With Very Moderate Gains On His

Goods; Which He Was The Better Enabled To Do,  Notwithstanding His

Generosity,  Because His Life Was Extremely Temperate,  His Expenses

Being Solely Confined To The Chearful Entertainment Of His Friends

At Home,  And Now And Then A Moderate Glass Of Wine,  In Which He

Indulged Himself In The Company Of His Wife,  Who,  With An

Agreeable Person,  Was A Mean-Spirited,  Poor,  Domestic,  Low-Bred

Animal,  Who Confined Herself Mostly To The Care Of Her Family,

Placed Her Happiness In Her Husband And Her Children,  Followed No

Expensive Fashions Or Diversions,  And Indeed Rarely Went Abroad,

Unless To Return The Visits Of A Few Plain Neighbours,  And Twice

A-Year Afforded Herself,  In Company With Her Husband,  The

Diversion Of A Play,  Where She Never Sat In A Higher Place Than

The Pit.

 

To This Silly Woman Did This Silly Fellow Introduce The Great

Wild,  Informing Her At The Same Time Of Their School Acquaintance

And The Many Obligations He Had Received From Him. This Simple

Woman No Sooner Heard Her Husband Had Been Obliged To Her Guest

Than Her Eyes Sparkled On Him With A Benevolance Which Is An

Emanation From The Heart,  And Of Which Great And Noble Minds,

Whose Hearts Never Dwell But With An Injury,  Can Have No Very

Adequate Idea; It Is Therefore No Wonder That Our Hero Should

Misconstrue,  As He Did,  The Poor,  Innocent,  And Ample Affection Of

Mrs. Heartfree Towards Her Husband's Friend,  For That Great And

Generous Passion,  Which Fires The Eyes Of A Modern Heroine,  When

The Colonel Is So Kind As To Indulge His City Creditor With

Partaking Of His Table To-Day,  And Of His Bed Tomorrow. Wild,

Therefore,  Instantly Returned The Compliment As He Understood It,

With His Eyes,  And Presently After Bestowed Many Encomiums On Her

Beauty,  With Which,  Perhaps,  She,  Who Was A Woman,  Though A Good

One,  And Misapprehended The Design,  Was Not Displeased Any More

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