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His Affections (For

He Had Now The Casket In His Hand),  And Since She Perceived His

Designs Were No Longer Against Her Virtue,  But Were Such As A

Woman Of Honour Might Listen To,  She Must Own--And Then She

Feigned An Hesitation,  When Theodosia Began: "Nay,  Sister,  I Am

Book 2 Chapter 3 Pg 58

Resolved You Shall Counterfeit No Longer. I Assure You,  Mr. Wild,

She Hath The Most Violent Passion For You In The World; And

Indeed,  Dear Tishy,  If You Offer To Go Back,  Since I Plainly See

Mr. Wild's Designs Are Honourable,  I Will Betray All You Have Ever

Said." "How,  Sister!" Answered Laetitia; "I Protest You Will Drive

Me Out Of The Room: I Did Not Expect This Usage From You." Wild

Then Fell On His Knees,  And,  Taking Hold Of Her Hand,  Repeated A

Speech,  Which,  As The Reader May Easily Suggest It To Himself,  I

Shall Not Here Set Down. He Then Offered Her The Casket,  But She

Gently Rejected It; And On A Second Offer,  With A Modest

Countenance And Voice,  Desired To Know What It Contained. Wild

Then Opened It,  And Took Forth (With Sorrow I Write It,  And With

Sorrow Will It Be Read) One Of Those Beautiful Necklaces With

Which,  At The Fair Of Bartholomew,  They Deck The Well-Bewhitened

Neck Of Thalestris Queen Of Amazons,  Anna Bullen,  Queen Elizabeth,

Or Some Other High Princess In Drollic Story. It Was Indeed

Composed Of That Paste Which Derdaeus Magnus,  An Ingenious Toy-

Man,  Doth At A Very Moderate Price Dispense Of To The Second-Rate

Beaus Of The Metropolis. For,  To Open A Truth,  Which We Ask Our

Reader's Pardon For Having Concealed From Him So Long,  The

Sagacious Count,  Wisely Fearing Lest Some Accident Might Prevent

Mr. Wild's Return At The Appointed Time,  Had Carefully Conveyed

The Jewels Which Mr. Heartfree Had Brought With Him Into His Own

Pocket,  And In Their Stead Had Placed In The Casket These

Artificial Stones,  Which,  Though Of Equal Value To A Philosopher,

And Perhaps Of A Much Greater To A True Admirer Of The

Compositions Of Art,  Had Not However The Same Charms In The Eyes

Of Miss Letty,  Who Had Indeed Some Knowledge Of Jewels; For Mr.

Snap,  With Great Reason,  Considering How Valuable A Part Of A

Lady's Education It Would Be To Be Well Instructed In These

Things,  In An Age When Young Ladies Learn Little More Than How To

Dress Themselves,  Had In Her Youth Placed Miss Letty As The

Handmaid (Or Housemaid As The Vulgar Call It) Of An Eminent

Pawnbroker. The Lightning,  Therefore,  Which Should Have Flashed

From The Jewels,  Flashed From Her Eyes,  And Thunder Immediately

Followed From Her Voice. She Be-Knaved,  Be-Rascalled,  Be-Rogued

The Unhappy Hero,  Who Stood Silent,  Confounded With Astonishment,

But More With Shame And Indignation,  At Being Thus Outwitted And

Overreached. At Length He Recovered His Spirits,  And,  Throwing

Down The Casket In A Rage,  He Snatched The Key From The Table,

And,  Without Making Any Answer To The Ladies,  Who Both Very

Plentifully Opened Upon Him,  And Without Taking Any Leave Of Them,

He Flew Out At The Door,  And Repaired With The Utmost Expedition

To The Count's Habitation.

Book 2 Chapter 4 Pg 59

In Which Wild,  After Many Fruitless Endeavours To Discover His

Friend,  Moralises On His Misfortune In A Speech,  Which May Be Of

Use (If Rightly Understood) To Some Other Considerable Speech-

Makers.

 

 

 

 

 

Not The Highest-Fed Footman Of The Highest-Bred Woman Of Quality

Knocks With More Impetuosity Than Wild Did At The Count's Door,

Which Was Immediately Opened By A Well-Drest Liveryman,  Who

Answered That His Master Was Not At Home. Wild,  Not Satisfied With

This,  Searched The House,  But To No Purpose; He Then Ransacked All

The Gaming-Houses In Town,  But Found No Count: Indeed,  That

Gentleman Had Taken Leave Of His House The Same Instant Mr. Wild

Had Turned His Back,  And,  Equipping Himself With Boots And A Post-

Horse,  Without Taking With Him Either Servant,  Clothes,  Or Any

Necessaries For The Journey Of A Great Man,  Made Such Mighty

Expedition That He Was Now Upwards Of Twenty Miles On His Way To

Dover.

 

Wild,  Finding His Search Ineffectual,  Resolved To Give It Over For

That Night; He Then Retired To His Seat Of Contemplation,  A Night-

Cellar,  Where,  Without A Single Farthing In His Pocket,  He Called

For A Sneaker Of Punch,  And,  Placing Himself On A Bench By

Himself,  He Softly Vented The Following Soliloquy:--

 

"How Vain Is Human Greatness! What Avail Superior Abilities,  And A

Noble Defiance Of Those Narrow Rules And Bounds Which Confine The

Vulgar,  When His Best-Concerted Schemes Are Liable To Be Defeated!

How Unhappy Is The State Of Priggism! How Impossible For Human

Prudence To Foresee And Guard Against Every Circumvention! It Is

Even As A Game Of Chess,  Where,  While The Rook,  Or Knight,  Or

Bishop,  Is Busied Forecasting Some Great Enterprize,  A Worthless

Pawn Exposes And Disconcerts His Scheme. Better Had It Been For Me

To Have Observed The Simple Laws Of Friendship And Morality Than

Thus To Ruin My Friend For The Benefit Of Others. I Might Have

Commanded His Purse To Any Degree Of Moderation: I Have Now

Disabled Him From The Power Of Serving Me. Well! But That Was Not

My Design. If I Cannot Arraign My Own Conduct,  Why Should I,  Like

A Woman Or A Child,  Sit Down And Lament The Disappointment Of

Chance? But Can I Acquit Myself Of All Neglect? Did I Not

Misbehave In Putting It Into The Power Of Others To Outwit Me? But

That Is Impossible To Be Avoided. In This A Prig Is More Unhappy

Than Any Other: A Cautious Man May,  In A Crowd,  Preserve His Own

Pockets By Keeping His Hands In Them; But While The Prig Employs

His Hands In Another's Pocket,  How Shall He Be Able To Defend His

Book 2 Chapter 4 Pg 60

Own? Indeed,  In This Light,  What Can Be Imagined More Miserable

Than A Prig? How Dangerous Are His Acquisitions! How Unsafe,  How

Unquiet His Possessions! Why Then Should Any Man Wish To Be A

Prig,  Or Where Is His Greatness? I Answer,  In His Mind: 'Tis The

Inward Glory,  The Secret Consciousness Of Doing Great And

Wonderful Actions,  Which Can Alone Support The Truly Great Man,

Whether He Be A Conqueror,  A Tyrant,  A Statesman,  Or A Prig. These

Must Bear Him Up Against The Private Curse And Public Imprecation,

And,  While He Is Hated And Detested By All Mankind,  Must Make Him

Inwardly Satisfied With Himself. For What But Some Such Inward

Satisfaction As This Could Inspire Men Possessed Of Power,  Wealth,

Of Every Human Blessing Which Pride,  Avarice,  Or Luxury Could

Desire,  To Forsake Their Homes,  Abandon Ease And Repose,  And At

The Expense Of Riches And Pleasures,  At The Price Of Labour And

Hardship,  And At The Hazard Of All That Fortune Hath Liberally

Given Them,  Could Send Them At The Head Of A Multitude Of Prigs,

Called An Army,  To Molest Their Neighbours; To Introduce Rape,

Rapine,  Bloodshed,  And Every Kind Of Misery Among Their Own

Species? What But Some Such Glorious Appetite Of Mind Could

Inflame Princes,  Endowed With The Greatest Honours,  And Enriched

With The Most Plentiful Revenues,  To Desire Maliciously To Rob

Those Subjects Of Their Liberties Who Are Content To Sweat For The

Luxury,  And To Bow Down Their Knees To The Pride,  Of Those Very

Princes? What But This Can Inspire Them To Destroy One Half Of

Their Subjects,  In Order To Reduce The Rest To An Absolute

Dependence On Their Own Wills,  And On Those Of Their Brutal

Successors? What Other Motive Could Seduce A Subject,  Possessed Of

Great Property In His Community,  To Betray The Interest Of His

Fellow-Subjects,  Of His Brethren,  And His Posterity,  To The Wanton

Disposition Of Such Princes? Lastly,  What Less Inducement Could

Persuade The Prig To Forsake The Methods Of Acquiring A Safe,  An

Honest,  And A Plentiful Livelihood,  And,  At The Hazard Of Even

Life Itself,  And What Is Mistaken Called Dishonour,  To Break

Openly And Bravely Through The Laws Of His Country,  For Uncertain,

Unsteady,  And Unsafe Gain? Let Me Then Hold Myself Contented With

This Reflection,  That I Have Been Wise Though Unsuccessful,  And Am

A Cheat Though An Unhappy Man."

 

His Soliloquy And His Punch Concluded Together; For He Had At

Every Pause Comforted Himself With A Sip. And Now It Came First

Into His Head That It Would Be More Difficult To Pay For It Than

It Was To Swallow It; When,  To His Great Pleasure,  He Beheld At

Another Corner Of The Room One Of The Gentlemen Whom He Had

Employed In The Attack On Heartfree,  And Who,  He Doubted Not,

Would Readily Lend Him A Guinea Or Two; But He Had The

Mortification,  On Applying To Him,  To Hear That The Gaming-Table

Had Stript Him Of All The Booty Which His Own Generosity Had Left

In His Possession. He Was Therefore Obliged To Pursue His Usual

Method On Such Occasions: So,  Cocking His Hat Fiercely,  He Marched

Out Of The Room Without Making Any Excuse,  Or Any One Daring To

Make The Least Demand.

Book 2 Chapter 5 Pg 61

Containing Many Surprising Adventures,  Which Our Hero,  With Great

Greatness,  Achieved.

 

 

 

 

 

We Will Now Leave Our Hero To Take A Short Repose,  And Return To

Mr. Snaps' Where,  At Wild's Departure,  The Fair Theodosia Had

Again Betaken Herself To Her Stocking,  And Miss Letty Had Retired

Up Stairs To Mr. Bagshot; But That Gentleman Had Broken His

Parole,  And,  Having Conveyed Himself Below Stairs Behind A Door,

He Took The Opportunity Of Wild's Sally To Make His Escape. We

Shall Only Observe That Miss Letty's Surprize Was The Greater,  As

She Had,  Notwithstanding Her Promise To The Contrary,  Taken The

Precaution To Turn The Key; But,  In Her

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