Callisto 2.0 - Susan English (sad books to read .txt) 📗

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I chewed my thumb, biting down so hard it hurt. “This whole situation—it’s kind of scary.”

“Kind of?” She shook her head. “I don’t like this one bit. We’re supposed to be a model community—open and honest, not people who go around hiding things.” She stopped and put her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Calli, I don’t mean you!”

“No, you’re right.” I took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with the Foundation, with Diana and Izumi, what they aren’t telling us, why Hiroki wanted inside information, any of it, but I have to come clean, for the sake of Shambhala. I need to stand up for what’s right and let the chips fall where they may.”

“It’s your moment of truth,” she whispered.

I pushed myself off the couch. “I’m going back.”

She looked up at me, eyes glistening. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Feeling nauseated, I returned to Diana’s office. This time, the door was closed.

Peeking in the window, I saw Diana working at her desk. I knocked softly.

“Come in,” said Diana.

I slid open the door.

“Calli.” Diana smiled at me. I could see no trace of tension or worry in her face, despite what I overheard earlier. Either it hadn’t been such a big deal, or she was a really good actor.

“I need to talk to you about something,” I said, hovering in the doorway.

“Come in, sit down,” she said gently.

“I think Izumi should be here, too.” I perched on the couch, barely moving, barely 195

breathing.

“Okay.” Diana looked at me with curiosity, then she touched behind her ear. “Annie, can you ask Izumi to come to my office, please?”

We sat in silence for the few minutes it took for Izumi to arrive. My hands were clenched into tight fists, my fingernails biting into the flesh of my palms.

“Calli,” said Izumi, smiling at me as she sat down on the couch. “I’ve missed you in the gym.” Then she looked at my expression, and her smile faded.

“There’s something I need to show you.” I thought of Amélie’s words: I can’t live with myself if I don’t tel you. I knew exactly how she felt, and my heart went out to her.

Touching my wrist computer, I activated the holomessage. I watched, numb, as Amélie told her story, not daring to look at Diana or Izumi. When the message collapsed, I forced myself to look up. The two women were staring at each other, looks of horror on their faces.

“I’m so sorry,” I blurted, dropping my gaze, wringing my hands in despair. “I know I messed things up.” The words came gushing out. “I broke the confidentiality agreement, I told Amélie everything, every detail of our projects here on Shambhala, not just mine, everyone’s. I feel horrible. What I did was wrong, and I’m so sorry.”

“When was your encounter with Amélie?” asked Diana, her voice neutral.

I looked at her—her expression was unreadable. “Four months ago.”

“And when did you receive this message?”

“A week ago. I’m sorry I didn’t step forward sooner.”

Izumi touched my shoulder. “Thank you for showing this to us, Calli.”

“I feel like I’ve put the whole Foundation in jeopardy. I promise you, that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t think … I didn’t know she was a spy.”

“Calli, can you send me the message?” asked Diana. “Izumi and I will need to watch it again, alone.”

I tapped my wrist computer. Diana’s computer chirped. I stood up, then sat back down, pressing my forearms tight against my stomach and hunching over. “I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered. A dam broke inside of me, and then I was crying—great, heaving sobs. “I don’t know what to do,” I managed. “I love Shambhala so much, and I’ve betrayed you, all of you.”

Izumi touched my shoulder, and I turned to her. She glanced at Diana, who nodded almost imperceptibly. Both of them had tears in their eyes. “Calli, I’m sorry, too. Very, very sorry. You can’t know how much this hurts me, what has happened to you, and to that poor, innocent woman.”

“I made a terrible mistake.” I wiped my nose with my sleeve. “I know that. And I’m ready to face the consequences. The non-disclosure agreement … and then you asked us not to publish.” My eyes rested on Diana’s face, then I began crying again, another flood of tears.

“Calli, listen to me,” said Diana. My heart pounded erratically in my chest. “You are a pawn in a much larger game. And I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into the ugliness.

196

Yes, you may have exhibited poor judgment,” she gave me a wry smile, “but you’re not to blame. There are forces at work which are way bigger than this, and what happened to you, it could have been anyone. You were unlucky enough to be the one caught in the crossfire.”

“I reread my contract,” I said, the words catching in my throat. “It says disclosing confidential information is grounds for termination.” My voice dropped to just above a whisper, “Do you want me to pack my bags?”

“No!” said Izumi, reaching over to me and pulling me into a hug.

Diana came to sit next to me, wrapping me in her arms. I sobbed even harder, if that was possible, feeling the strength of both women’s embraces.

“Listen, Calli,” said Izumi, her breath warm and curiously soothing on my bowed head, “our lawyers insisted we include that language. We know people talk about their work here, it’s only natural.” She pulled away from me, and I lifted my eyes to hers.

“Diana and I are horrible with legalese.”

“It’s our biggest weakness,” said Diana with a smirk. “And a constant source of frustration for our lawyers.”

“I believe cavalier is the word they use to describe the Foundation’s legal structure.”

Izumi gave a little laugh.

I looked from one to the other, not daring to hope. “Does that mean I can stay?”

“Calli, Calli,” said Diana. “There is so much malevolence in the world, so much that is truly evil, so much we can’t control. But throwing you away for being human would go against every principle the Foundation stands for.”

Sniffing loudly, I wiped my nose again and sat upright. “But what’s really happening with the Foundation? Why didn’t you want us to publish? Are we in danger?”

“No, absolutely not,” said Diana.

My eyes flicked to Izumi.

“There are some issues,” she said, giving Diana a sharp look. “But everything’s under control—we’re taking care of it.”

I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “Okay.”

“Calli,” said Diana. I turned to look at her. “Can you do us a favor and not share your story with anyone, at least for now?”

I felt my face grow hot. “I already told Naomi everything.”

“It’s okay,” said Izumi. “Just explain to her we’re doing everything in our power to keep Shambhala safe, and it would be better to keep this under wraps for the time being.”

“I’ll tell her right away.” I stood up. “I’m so sorry about all this.”

“We know,” said Izumi.

“Please, if there’s anything I can do to help ….”

They both stood up, and each of them gave me a hug.

As I opened the door, I stopped and looked back, teary-eyed. “At least I can see I’m having a positive influence on you both.”

197

“Oh? In what way?” asked Diana, a perplexed expression on her face.

“Caught in the crossfire?” Then I turned to Izumi. “Under wraps?” I gave a little laugh. “I thought I was the only one in the Foundation who spoke in idiomatic expressions. See? You need me to expand your verbal horizons.”

Diana laughed, and it was such a relief to see. “Yes, Calli,” she said, putting her arm around Izumi’s shoulders, “there’s no doubt in my mind about that. You’re definitely needed.”

As the door slid shut behind me, I grabbed onto the railing, trying to calm my breathing as wave after wave of relief washed over me. I still had no idea what was going on, but if Diana and Izumi felt like everything would be okay, then I trusted them.

I headed straight to Naomi’s quarters to tell her the news, and to let her know what had happened with Amélie and me was to be our secret for now.

“We need to do what’s best for the Foundation,” she said, “and if that means keeping quiet, I’ll get onboard.”

“I wish they would tell us what’s going on,” I lamented.

“Same here, though I’m sure they have their reasons.”

◆◆◆

The next day, I went to the gym at my usual time. Izumi was already on a treadmill, and, after changing clothes, I hesitated at the dressing room doorway.

“Calli, come run with me,” Izumi called out.

I strapped myself to the treadmill next to hers, not meeting her eyes.

“Hey,” she said.

I glanced over at her and tried to smile, but couldn’t quite pull it off.

“I can imagine you’re still in shock from yesterday, but let’s put what happened to you behind us, okay?”

My throat contracted. “Okay.”

“You did the right thing, coming to us. And I admire you for it. I know it wasn’t an easy thing to do.”

I turned on the treadmill, and started walking, warming up my body, focusing on the treadmill’s control panel. “I didn’t want to tell you,” I admitted. “I was so ashamed.”

“I know. But you did it. You have a home with us for as long as you want. You’re an integral part of the Foundation, and we never want to lose you.”

“Thank you, that means so much to me. I was so afraid I would have to leave.”

“Not on my watch, young lady.”

This time I managed to smile.

“I’ve missed my running partner this past week. I’m glad you’re back.”

Heaving a sigh of relief, I increased the speed on my treadmill. “Me too, Izumi.”

◆◆◆

198

When I got to the lab, Hadley was working at the conference table. I came over to sit beside her. “Sorry I’ve been so weird lately.”

“It’s okay, we all have our moments. Anything you want to talk about?”

I let out a long sigh and stared at the table’s surface. “I made a mistake, and was having a hard time coming to terms with it. I can’t go into more detail, because it wasn’t only about me, and I have to respect the privacy of the other people involved. But in the end, I told the truth.”

“Calli,” she