A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - Mark Twain (books to read in your 20s female .txt) š
- Author: Mark Twain
- Performer: 0553211439
Book online Ā«A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - Mark Twain (books to read in your 20s female .txt) šĀ». Author Mark Twain
By an effort, I contained my joy when Clarence brought me the news. But heāhe could not contain his. His mouth gushed delight and gratitude in a steady dischargeādelight in my good fortune, gratitude to the king for this splendid mark of his favor for me. He could keep neither his legs nor his body still, but pirouetted about the place in an airy ecstasy of happiness.
On my side, I could have cursed the kindness that conferred upon me this benefaction, but I kept my vexation under the surface for policyās sake, and did what I could to let on to be glad. Indeed, I said I was glad. And in a way it was true; I was as glad as a person is when he is scalped.
Well, one must make the best of things, and not waste time with useless fretting, but get down to business and see what can be done. In all lies there is wheat among the chaff; I must get at the wheat in this case: so I sent for the girl and she came. She was a comely enough creature, and soft and modest, but, if signs went for anything, she didnāt know as much as a ladyās watch. I said:
āMy dear, have you been questioned as to particulars?ā
She said she hadnāt.
āWell, I didnāt expect you had, but I thought I would ask, to make sure; itās the way Iāve been raised. Now you mustnāt take it unkindly if I remind you that as we donāt know you, we must go a little slow. You may be all right, of course, and weāll hope that you are; but to take it for granted isnāt business. You understand that. Iām obliged to ask you a few questions; just answer up fair and square, and donāt be afraid. Where do you live, when you are at home?ā
āIn the land of Moder, fair sir.ā
āLand of Moder. I donāt remember hearing of it before. Parents living?ā
āAs to that, I know not if they be yet on live, sith it is many years that I have lain shut up in the castle.ā
āYour name, please?ā
āI hight the Demoiselle Alisande la Carteloise, an it please you.ā
āDo you know anybody here who can identify you?ā
āThat were not likely, fair lord, I being come hither now for the first time.ā
āHave you brought any lettersāany documentsāany proofs that you are trustworthy and truthful?ā
āOf a surety, no; and wherefore should I? Have I not a tongue, and cannot I say all that myself?ā
āBut your saying it, you know, and somebody elseās saying it, is different.ā
āDifferent? How might that be? I fear me I do not understand.ā
āDonāt understand ? Land ofāwhy, you seeāyou seeāwhy, great Scott, canāt you understand a little thing like that? Canāt you understand the difference between yourāwhy do you look so innocent and idiotic!ā
āI? In truth I know not, but an it were the will of God.ā
āYes, yes, I reckon thatās about the size of it. Donāt mind my seeming excited; Iām not. Let us change the subject. Now as to this castle, with forty-five princesses in it, and three ogres at the head of it, tell meāwhere is this harem?ā
āHarem?ā
āThe castle , you understand; where is the castle?ā
āOh, as to that, it is great, and strong, and well beseen, and lieth in a far country. Yes, it is many leagues.ā
āHow many?ā
āAh, fair sir, it were woundily hard to tell, they are so many, and do so lap the one upon the other, and being made all in the same image and tincted with the same color, one may not know the one league from its fellow, nor how to count them except they be taken apart, and ye wit well it were Godās work to do that, being not within manās capacity; for ye will noteāā
āHold on, hold on, never mind about the distance; whereabouts does the castle lie? Whatās the direction from here?ā
āAh, please you sir, it hath no direction from here; by reason that the road lieth not straight, but turneth evermore; wherefore the direction of its place abideth not, but is some time under the one sky and anon under another, whereso if ye be minded that it is in the east, and wend thitherward, ye shall observe that the way of the road doth yet again turn upon itself by the space of half a circle, and this marvel happing again and yet again and still again, it will grieve you that you had thought by vanities of the mind to thwart and bring to naught the will of Him that giveth not a castle a direction from a place except it pleaseth Him, and if it please Him not, will the rather that even all castles and all directions thereunto vanish out of the earth, leaving the places wherein they tarried desolate and vacant, so warning His creatures that where He will He will, and where He will not Heāā
āOh, thatās all right, thatās all right, give us a rest; never mind about the direction, hang the directionāI beg pardon, I beg a thousand pardons, I am not well to-day; pay no attention when I soliloquize, it is an old habit, an old, bad habit, and hard to get rid of when oneās digestion is all disordered with eating food that was raised forever and ever before he was born; good land! a man canāt keep his functions regular on spring chickens thirteen hundred years old. But comeānever mind about that; letāsāhave you got such a thing as a map of that region about you? Now a good mapāā
āIs it peradventure that manner of thing which of late the unbelievers have brought from over the great seas, which, being boiled in oil, and an onion and salt added thereto, dothāā
āWhat, a map? What are you talking about? Donāt you know what a map is? There, there, never mind, donāt explain, I hate explanations; they fog a thing up so that you canāt tell anything about it. Run along, dear; good-day; show her the way, Clarence.ā
Oh, well, it was reasonably plain, now, why these donkeys didnāt prospect these liars for details. It may be that this girl had a fact in her somewhere, but I donāt believe you could have sluiced it out with a hydraulic; nor got it with the earlier forms of blasting, even; it was a case for dynamite. Why, she was a perfect ass; and yet the king and his knights had listened to her as if she had been a leaf out of the gospel. It kind of sizes up the whole party. And think of the simple ways of this court: this wandering wench hadnāt any more trouble to get access to the king in his palace than she would have had to get into the poorhouse in my day and country. In fact, he was glad to see her, glad to hear her tale; with that adventure of hers to offer, she was as welcome as a corpse is to a coroner.
Just as I was ending-up these reflections, Clarence came back. I remarked upon the barren result of my efforts with the girl; hadnāt got hold of a single point that could help me to find the castle. The youth looked a little surprised, or puzzled, or something, and intimated that he had been wondering to himself what I had wanted to ask the girl all those questions for.
āWhy, great guns,ā I said, ādonāt I want to find the castle? And how else would I go about it?ā
āLa, sweet your worship, one may lightly answer that, I ween. She will go with thee. They always do. She will ride with thee.ā
āRide with me? Nonsense!ā
āBut of a truth she will. She will ride with thee. Thou shalt see.ā
āWhat? She browse around the hills and scour the woods with meāaloneāand I as good as engaged to be married? Why, itās scandalous. Think how it would look.ā
My, the dear face that rose before me! The boy was eager to know all about this tender matter. I swore him to secrecy and then whispered her nameāāPuss Flanagan.ā He looked disappointed, and said he didnāt remember the countess. How natural it was for the little courtier to give her a rank. He asked me where she lived.
āIn East Harāā I came to myself and stopped, a little confused; then I said, āNever mind, now; Iāll tell you some time.ā
And might he see her? Would I let him see her some day?
It was but a little thing to promiseāthirteen hundred years or soāand he so eager; so I said Yes. But I sighed; I couldnāt help it. And yet there was no sense in sighing, for she wasnāt born yet. But that is the way we are made: we donāt reason, where we feel; we just feel.
My expedition was all the talk that day and that night, and the boys were very good to me, and made much of me, and seemed to have forgotten their vexation and disappointment, and come to be as anxious for me to hive those ogres and set those ripe old virgins loose as if it were themselves that had the contract. Well, they were good childrenābut just children, that is all. And they gave me no end of points about how to scout for giants, and how to scoop them in; and they told me all sorts of charms against enchantments, and gave me salves and other rubbish to put on my wounds. But it never occurred to one of them to reflect that if I was such a wonderful necromancer as I was pretending to be, I ought not to need salves or instructions, or charms against enchantments, and, least of all, arms and armor, on a foray of any kindāeven against fire-spouting dragons, and devils hot from perdition, let alone such poor adversaries as these I was after, these commonplace ogres of the back settlements.
I was to have an early breakfast, and start at dawn, for that was the usual way; but I had the demonās own time with my armor, and this delayed me a little. It is troublesome to get into, and there is so much detail. First you wrap a layer or two of blanket around your body, for a sort of cushion and to keep off the cold iron; then you put on your sleeves and shirt of chain mailāthese are made of small steel links woven together, and they form a fabric so flexible that if you toss your shirt onto the floor, it slumps into a pile like a peck of wet fish-net; it is very heavy and is nearly the uncomfortablest material in the world for a night shirt, yet plenty used it for thatātax collectors, and reformers, and one-horse kings with a defective title, and those sorts of people; then you put on your shoesāflat-boats roofed over with interleaving bands of steelāand screw your clumsy spurs into the heels. Next you buckle your greaves on your legs, and your cuisses on your thighs; then come your backplate and your breastplate, and you begin to feel crowded; then you hitch onto the breastplate the half-petticoat of broad overlapping bands of steel which hangs down in front but is scolloped out behind so you can sit down, and isnāt any real improvement on an inverted coal scuttle, either for looks or for wear, or to wipe your hands on; next you belt on your sword; then you put your stove-pipe joints onto your arms, your iron gauntlets onto your hands, your iron rat-trap onto your head, with a rag of steel web hitched onto it to hang over the back of your neckāand there you are, snug as a candle in a candle-mould. This
Comments (0)