Samantha at the World's Fair by Marietta Holley (classic literature list txt) 📗

if his morals hadn't been like iron for solidity, I knew that for her to try to flirt wuz like a old hen to try to bite; they don't have no teeth, hens don't, even when they are young, and they won't b[Pg 242]e likely to have any when they are fifty or sixty years old. So I looked on with composure, and didn't take no notice of her flirtacious ways, and I consented to her propisition, and Josiah did too. That man hadn't been riz up by his emotions as I had, by the majesty and glory of the scene—no, he felt pretty chipper; and Miss Plank, after she quieted down a little, and ceased talkin' about her girlish days, she could think, even in that rapt hour, of pancakes; for she mentioned, when I spoke of how high the waters of the fountain riz up, "Yes," sez she—

"Speakin' of risin', I left some pancakes a-risin' before I left home;" and she wondered if the cook would tend to 'em.

Pancakes! in such a time as this.

And then Josiah proposed to go and see the live stock, and Miss Plank said dreamily that she would like to go to a certain restaurant at the fur end of the grounds to see the cookin' of a certain chef; she had heard it went ahead of anything in America.

"Chef"—I didn't want to act green, but I did wonder what "chef" wuz. I thought mebby it wuz chaff she meant, and I spozed they had got up some new way to cook chaff.

[Pg 243]

I would liked to seen it and tasted of it, but Duty begened to me, and I followed her blindly, and I sez, as I planted my umbrell firm down on the ground, sez I—

"Here I take my stand; I don't often stand out and try to have my way—"

Here Josiah gin a deep groan out to one side, but he no need to—I spoke truth, or pretty near the truth, anyway.

Sez I, "Here I take my stand!" and I brung down my good cotton umbrell agin firmly, as if to punctuate my remarks, and add weight to it, and I wuz so earnest that before I knew it I fell into a fervid eloquence—catched from my old revolutionary 4 fathers, I spoze—and, sez I—

"I care not what course others may take—"

"But," sez Miss Plank, "we will hang together in such a crowd as this."

"Yes," sez Josiah; "you mustn't go wanderin' off by yourself, Samantha; it hain't safe."

I wuz brung down some, but I kep on with considerable eloquence, though it wuz kinder drizzlin' away onbeknown to me, such is the power of environment.

[Pg 244]

Sez I, "I care not what course others may take, I will go first to the place my proud heart has dwelt on ever sence the Fair wuz opened—

"I will go first to the Woman's Buildin', home of my sect, and my proud ambition and love."

Miss Plank demurred, and said "that it wuz some distance off;" but I held firm—Josiah see that I wuz firm—and he finally gin in quite graciously, and, sez he—

"I don't spoze it will take long, anyway, to see all that wimmen has brung here—and I spoze the buildin' will be a sight—all trimmed off with ornaments, and flowers, and tattin'; mebby they will have lace all festooned on the outside."

Sez he, "I always did want to see a house trimmed with bobinet lace on the outside, and tattin' and ribbin streamers."

I wouldn't dain a reply; he did it to lower my emotions about wimmen.

But it wuz impossible. So we turned our bodies round and set off north by northwest.

Agin Miss Plank mentioned the distance, and agin my Josiah spoke longin'ly of the live stock.

And I sez with a calm dignity, "Josiah, you are not a woman."

"No," sez he, "dum it all, I know I hain't, and so there hain't much chance of my gettin' my way."

[Pg 245]

I kep on calmly, and with the same lofty mean, "You are not a woman, and therefore you can't tell a woman's desires that go with me, to see the glorification of her own sect, in their great and lofty work, and the high thrones on which they have sot themselves in the year of our Lord, 1893; I am sot," sez I, "I am sot as ever the statute of America is on her marble pedestal, jest so solid am I riz up on the firm and solid foundation of my love, and admiration, and appreciation for my own sect."

And so, as I say, we turned round in our tracts and went back round that noble Adminstration Buildin'—

Josiah a-talkin' anon or oftener about what he expected to see in the Woman's Buildin', every one on 'em light and triflin' things, such as gauzes, and artificial flowers, and cossets, and high-heel shoes, and placks, and tattin', and etc.

And I anon a-answerin' his sneerin' words, and the onspoken but fatigued appeals in Miss Plank's eyes, by sayin'—

"Do you suppose I would hurt the feelin's of my sect, do you suppose I would mortify 'em before the assembled nations of the earth, by slightin' 'em, by not payin' attention to 'em, and makin' 'em the first and prime object of my distinguished and honorable consideration?

[Pg 246]

"No, indeed; no, indeed!"

So we went on at a pretty good jog, and a-meetin' every single person in the hull earth, every man, woman, and child, black and white, bond and free, lame and lazy, or it did seem so to my wearied and bewildered apprehenshion.

And I sez to myself mekanicly, what if conflagrations should break out in Asia, or the chimbly get afire in Australia, or a earthquake take place in Africa, or a calf get into the waterin' trough at Jonesville, who would git it out or put 'em out?

Everybody in the hull livin' world is here; the earth has dreaned off all its livin' inhabitants down into this place; some of the time I thought mebby one or two would be left in Jonesville, and Loontown, and the hind side of Asia, and Hindoostan; but as I wended on and see the immense crowd, a-passin' out of one buildin' and a-passin' in to another, and a-swarmin' over the road and a-coverin' the face of the water, I sez to myself—

"No, there hain't a soul left in Hindoostan, or Jonesville, not one; nor Loontown, nor Shackville, nor Africa, nor Zoar."

It wuz a curious time, very, but anon, after we had wended on for some distance, and Miss Plank looked some wilted, and[Pg 247] Josiah's steps dragged, and my own frame felt the twinges of rheumatiz—

Miss Plank spoke up, and sez she, "If you are bound on going to the Woman's Building first, why not take a boat and go around there, and that will give you a good view of the buildings."

I assented to her propisition with alacrity, and wondered that I hadn't thought of it before, and Josiah acted almost too tickled.

That man loves to save his steps; and then, as I soon see, he had another idee in his head.

Sez he, "I always wanted to be a mariner—I will hire a boat and be your boatman."

"Not with me for a passenger, Josiah Allen," sez I. "I want to live through the day, anyway; I want to live to see the full glory of my sect; I don't want to be drownded jest in front of the gole."

He looked mad—mad as a hen; but he see firmness in my mean, so we went back, and down a flight of steps to the water's edge, and he signalled a craft that drew up and laid off aginst us—a kinder queer-shaped one, with a canopy top, and gorgeous dressed boatmen—and we embarked and floated off on the clear waters of the Grand Basin. Oh! what a seen that would have been for a historical painter, if Mr. Michael Angelo had been present with a brush and some paint!

[Pg 248]

Josiah Allen's Wife a-settin' off for the express purpose of seein' and admirin' the work of her own sect, and right in front of her the grand figger of Woman a-standin' up a hundred feet high; but no higher above the ordinary size of her sect wuz she a-standin' than the works of the wimmen I wuz a-settin' out to see towered up above the past level of womankind. Oh, what a hour that wuz for the world! and what a seen that wuz for Josiah Allen's Wife to be a-passin' through, watched by the majestic figger of Woman.

The green, tree-dotted terraces bloomin' with flowers a-risin' up from the blue water, and above the verdent terraces the tall white walls of them gorgeous palaces, a-risin' up with colonades, and statutes, and arabesques, and domes, and pinnacles, and on the smooth white path that lay in front of 'em, and on every side of 'em, the hull world a-walkin' and a-admirin' the seen jest as much as we did. And if there wuzn't everything else to look at and admire, the looks of that crowd wuz enough—full enough—for one pair of eyes; for they wuz from every country of the globe, and dressed in every fashion from Eve, and her men folks, down to the fashions of to-day.

[Pg 249]

And anon we would come to a bridge gracefully arched over the water, and float under it, and then sail on, and on, and on, past the vast palace 45 acres big, and every single acre of 'em majestic and beautiful more than tongue can tell or give any idee on, and then by some more of them matchless marvels of housen crowned with pinnacles, and domes, and wavin' banners, and then by the electrical buildin', with white towers, and battlements, and sculptured loveliness, on one side of us, and, on the other, that beautiful Wooded Island, that is a hantin' dream of beauty inside of a dream of matchless loveliness.

Acres and acres of flowers of every kind and color; the perfume floated out and wrapped us round like a sweet onseen mantilly, as we floated past fur dim isles of green trees, with domes and minarets a-risin' up above the billows of emerald richness, and then anon, under another bridge, and more of them enchantin' wonders of Art, and on, under another one, and another.

And my emotions all of the time wuz what no man might number, and as for the size of 'em, there hain't no use of talkin' about sortin' 'em out, or weighin' 'em—no steel yards on earth could weigh the little end on 'em, let alone weighin' the hull caboodle of 'em.

[Pg 250]

No Rasfodist that ever rasfodized could do justice to the transcendent grandeur that shone out on every side of us.

No, the rasfodist would have to set down and hold up his hands before him, as I have done sometimes before a big pile of work, when I have seen a wagon load of visitors a-stoppin' at the gate to stay all day.

I have just clasped my hands and sez, "Oh dear me!"

Or in aggravated cases I would say, mebby,

"Oh dear me suz!"

And that wuz about all I could say here.

Yes, my feelin's, I do believe, if they could have been gazed on, would have been jest about as a impressive a sight to witness as the Columbian Fair.

But anon my rapt musin's wuz broke into sudden; I heard as through a dream a voice say—

"If she forgets to take the dough off from the dry oven, the pancakes will run over."

"Pancakes!"

It wuz like Peri in Paradise callin' for root-beer; it brung me down to the world agin, and anon I heard my pardner say—

"Wall, I wish I had a few of 'em this minute, Miss Plank."

[Pg 251]

Eatin' at such a time as this—the idee!

But I wuz brung clear down, and I don't know but it wuz jest as well, for it wuz time for us to alight from our bark.

And with the feelin's I had ever sence I started, I wuz that riz up that I could almost expect to step over the lagoon at one stride and swing my foot clear over the hull noble flight of marble steps, and the wide terrace, and land in front of the Woman's Buildin'. With my head even with its highest cupalo, I wuz fearfully riz up, and by the side of myself.

But these allusions to pancakes had brung me down, so I stepped meekly out on to the broad, noble flight of steps, and the full beauty of the Woman's Buildin' riz up in front of us.

Even Josiah