The Puppeteer Trilogy - Mike Marino (guided reading books txt) 📗

beauty, but in bed could contort into a sexual pretzel.

 

One evening while appearing in Boston when she came out on stage in see through flowing gown which she lowered to her waist and bared her ample breasts for all to feast on or gasp in horror, whichever they preferred. Bang! Banned in Boston! Once you get banned in Boston the box office in other cities would overflow to the tune of sold out crowds!

 

She began to change in her public persona as well, dressing in definitely male pants, pants, pointed mens boots, huge hats and a cape. She was the goddess of Goth before Goth caught on keeping her face as white as a ghost with pancake, her lips flaming red as the fires of hell and jet black sexy hair greased up and slicked back prompting one critic in Chicago to refer to her as that "furious lesbian" to which she replied in a letter to the newspaper’s editor, "I can get any woman from any man I want"

 

The future was now set on a course of success. She and her new band and new dance aberration would be the toast of the performance art world. Her technique and music the band developed was out of the box, away from the rigidity of post-modern ballet and more in tune with natural movements and natural environments. The body movements were the expression of the human spirit and dancing in bare feet, sometimes bare breasted were more in keeping with classic dance of forgotten civilizations that were more "earthy" in philosophy. The ocean and it's movements also exemplified the free form of her dance technique, the ebb and flow of the body and tide as one movement, not separate.

 

It was pure zen ballet blues! The Nutcracker and Swan Lake would, never be the same again!

 

Chapter Nine

 

T. Rex Fitzgerald, thanks to all the recent media publicity he had been gathering, was negotiating the literary labyrinth and flexing his writing muscle. He began writing sarcastic pieces of work for magazines that were intended to be tongue in cheek, or in this case tongue in chic. He had found his own perverse voice in the void and wilderness of words by not following the path blazed by others. Fuck the great american novel...he was now on his own turf.

 

The biggest thrill he was getting were the irate irrational Letters to the editors that praised his work, but an even bigger rush were the ones from readers who just didn’t get it. Why wouldn’t you understand, “How To Hunt Endangered Species with a Slingshot” or “The Art of Suicide: Hanging or Gunshot” or his infamous, “Why We Should and How Best to Kill a Poet!”

 

He began writing a series of interviews where he interviewed himself, via one of his many alter egos admitting that the neighbors dogs were speaking to him and that he was the Son of Sam and Rosemary’s Baby all in one and the demon voices wanted him to use weed whackers on the grass skirts of hula dancers at the mall to expose the gentle genitalia that drove missionaries to sin.

 

Who wouldn’t want to know “How To Tell if a Nun is a Virgin” and “Why Did the Blind Man Cross the Street?” (He didn’t, he was the victim of a hit and run by a Good Humor Truck driven by a dope dealing senior citizen!) Not to be forgotten was his fake factual expose on “Why You Should Join the Ku Klux Klan” (Clean sheets everyday) and of course, “How To Be an Army of One at the Next Mass School Shooting...Be All You Can Be!”

 

How about the piece he did on a visit to the Ted Kennedy Underwater Driving School, isn’t that newsworthy enough? The mystery of Natalie Wood’s death solved due to poor hygiene habits..why didn’t Natalie Wood take showers? Because she liked to wash up on shore! The mysterious death of Helen Keller who bled to death trying to read a cheese grater thinking it was one of the juicy chapters of Henry Miller’s “Tropic of Cancer”.

 

He also had helpful hints directed towards readers of the deep south...Watch “Gone with the Wind” backwards and it has a happy ending or Why Truck Tires are More Important Than Medicine for Your Dying Child”

 

Discover the fact that JFK and Elvis are still alive living in a double wide trailer in a community of lesbians disguised as Wal-Mart greeters in wheelcharirs.

 

T. Rex also began writing ludicrous fortunes for the Shanghai Fortune Cookie Company. He only got away with it as the Chinese workers who actually locked and loaded the cookies could not speak nor read English. Imagine the customer after a wonderful won ton egg roll fried rice feast opens a cookie and it tells him or her to “Fuck Off and Die!” or “The Test Results are back, you have full blown AIDS!” or “Your Spouse is Giving Blow Jobs Tonight at the Mcdonalds Drive Through Window...that will be 5 dollars please..go the next window so she can get a free refill!”

 

Rather than upsetting the apple cart of good taste (“What’s the difference between a piece of spaghetti and an Amish woman?” The spaghetti moves when you eat it!) he was also working on a myriad of photo and word essays for art magazines with Kathleen Morphine, including a photo shoot interview with their friend Alexia Dyslexia on her new modern dance street band wino ballet school of movement. All three had found their compass direction in their own environment and enjoying the good life of newly found fame that was driving them to artistic nirvana….

 

T Rex and Kathleen were gaining notorious attention and kudos in their combined Puppets in the Park and Art performances. Life was a rocket ride….and the puppets were horny for a good marionette hooker...or an Amish blow job!

Chapter Ten

Rex Fitzgerald and Kathleen Morphine would put on collaborative art and puppet production in the park on weekends. Many of the artisans from around Boston would mark their territory, dogs in heat that would rather hump your leg than miss an accolade or sale of artwork that ran the gamut from pretentious to parochial. Kathleen’s art was neither,  it was in a class by itself.

 

The puppets now had a crew of four T. Rex had hired to man the marionettes and handle the hand puppets. At first the productions were yawn, generic, predictable...Pinocchio and Gepetto couldn’t have done any worse, so T. Rex popped the clutch and revved it up with the first offbeat offering...Howdy Doody Exposed!!!!!!! The bizarre story of the Doodyville Horror! … or Amityville meets the Peanut Gallery!

The plot centered on Boy Howdy, a marionette  who hung out with degenerate clown named Clarabelle who never spoke, but loved playing with his bicycle horn, or anyone’s horn for that matter. T Rex designed the him as a yin yang  cross between Harpo Marx and John Wayne Gacy.

 

(Now this where most of the little kids in the audience began crying and throwing up)  Doody went missing one day...and soon went on a bizarre mass killing spree that eliminated his competition! He led a cult called the Doody Family who viciously carried out a carnival of carnage at the home of ventriloquist puppeteer Edgar Bergen.

 

Howdy was living in Haight Ashbury at the time and started using acid and speed and hanging out with a perverse gang, we know today as the Doody-Manson Marionettes. Howdy was involved in the brutal slaying of famed dummy Charley McCarthy and others who were at the Bergen mansion one night.

 

Edgar was out of town in Europe staying in Roman Polanski’s villa at the time fighting extradition on charges of unlawful sex acts with an underage hand puppet, Lambchop, When they arrived at the mansion the Doody Family was unaware that a party was going on and also in the house were hand puppets Kukla and Ollie ….all found beaten and stabbed and the few marionettes present had their strings cut, thereby rendering them helpless to defend themselves. Many speculated the whole,attack was set up by Kermit the Frog as he was jealous of the fact that Jerry Mahoney was getting more “hand puppet” from Miss Piggy than he was...

Later during the Summer of Puppet Love in San Francisco...Doody was also involved in the rape of Doodyville prom queen marionette Princess Summer Spring Winter Fall. Howdy had a real hardwood woody for her but she refused Howdy’s doody so he decided to wax his woody in her pinewood forest. At one point she did have a restraining order taken out on him but as you can see when a puppet has rape on it's little wooden head, his woody will win every time.

Sexually, Howdy was a bi-doody and had raped anything in his path...Clarabelle the Clown who had also moved with him to the Haight  huanging out with the notorious Pennywise. In a relentless search for clues to Doody’s whereabouts, US Marshall, Buffalo Bob and his Peanut Gallery Posse closed in on Doody along with his new gang which included three circus performers and a mime who were engaged in a crime wave in clown costumes based on tip from a midget detective posing as a talking dummy to solve the murders at the Bergen Mansion.

The grand finale regarded the released government documents that  revealed a plot formulated by the CIA proving that Doody also assassinated JFK with an Italian rifle he had purchased from notorious Italian international arms dealers Topo Gigio and Pinocchio. The buy was made in Hoboken, New Jersey and arranged by a mysterious figure in the underworld known only as Senor Wences.

 

Doody escaped capture and was last seen in Detroit...around the same time Jimmy Hoffa disappeared. Many theories are floating around like a Pennywise balloon but most believe Hoffa’s body was disposed of at a construction site in the Sesame Street Industrial Park being developed by real estate tycoon Mr. Rogers on a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

I kid you not! Even I can't make up this stuff! Corn on Macabre stuff to be sure. So Hey kids...what time is it? It’s Howdy Doody time you little bastards!

 

Needless to say, many parents filed complaints with the city and T. Rex had to go to court to defend the production. The judge, a former dwarf used as a bowling ball at a cowboy bar agreed.

 

But..before long, T Rex found himself back in court as a result of his newest pushing of the envelope when