Samantha at the World's Fair by Marietta Holley (classic literature list txt) 📗

It costs one thousand two hundred and fifty dollars to discharge it once. As Josiah looked at it, sez he—

"Oh, how I do wish I had sech a gun! How I could rake off the crows with it in plantin' time! Why," sez he, "by shootin' it off once or twice I could clear the hull country of 'em from Jonesville to Loontown."

"Yes," sez I; "and have you got a thousand dollars to pay for every batch of crows you kill, besides damages—heavy damages—for killin' human bein's, and horses, and cows, and sech?"

And he gin in that it wouldn't be feasible to own one. And I sez, "I wouldn't have one on the premises if Mr. Krupp should give me one."

So we wended onwards.

Wall, about the most interestin' and surprisin' hours I enjoyed at Columbuses doin's wuz to the stately house set apart for that great wizard of the 19th century—Electricity.

As wuz befittin', most the first thing that our eyes fell on wuz a big, noble statute of Benjamin Franklin. He stands with his kite in his hand, a-loo[Pg 556]kin' up with a rapt look as if waitin' for instructions from on high.

He seemed to be guardin' the entrance to this temple, and he looked as if he wuz glad to be there, and I truly wuz glad to have him there.

For he ort to be put side by side with Christopher Columbus. Both sailed out on the onknown, both discovered a new world.

Columbuses world we have got the lay on now considerable, and we have mapped it out and counted the inhabitants.

But who—who shall map out this vast realm that Benjamin F. discovered?

We stand jest by the sea-shore. We have jest landed from our boats. The onbroken forest lays before us, and beyend is deep valleys, and high, sun-kissed mountains, and rushin' rivers.

A few trees have been felled by Morse, Edison, Field and others, so that we can git glimpses into the forest depths, but not enough to even give us a glimpse of the mountains or the seas. The realm as a whole is onexplored; nobody knows or can dream of the grandeur and glory that awaits the advance guard that shall march in and take the country.

This beautiful house built in its honor is 690 feet long and 345 feet wide.

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The main entrance, which is in the south side, has a magnificently decorated open vestibule covered by a half dome, capable of the most brilliant illumination.

Indeed, you can judge whether this buildin' has advantages for bein' lit up, when I tell you that it has 20,000 incandescent and 3000 ark lights.

I hearn a bystander a-tellin' this, and sez Josiah, "I can't imagine what a ark light is—Noah couldn't had a light so bright as that is. But," he sez, "mebby the light shines out as big as the ark did over the big water."

And I spoze mebby that is it.

Why, they say the big light on top of the buildin'—the biggest in the world—why, they do say that that throws such a big light way off—way off over Lake Michigan, that the very white fishes think it is mornin', and git up and go to doin' up their mornin's work.

There wuz everything in the buildin' that has been hearn on up to the present time in connection with electricity—everything that we know about, that that Magician uses to show off his magic powers, from a search-light of 60,000 candle power down to a engine and dynamo combined, that can be packed in a box no bigger than a pea.

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Josiah looked at the immense display with a wise eye, and pretended to understand all about it, and he even went to explainin' it to me.

But I sez, "You needn't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; I should know jest as much after you got through as I do now.

"And," sez I, "you can explain to me jest as well how the hoe and the planter cause the seed to spring up in the loosened ground. You put the seed in the ground, Josiah Allen, and the hoe loosens the soil round it. You may assist the plant some, but there is a secret back of it all, Josiah Allen, that you can't explain to me.

"No, nor Edison couldn't, nor Benjamin Franklin himself couldn't with his kite."

Sez Josiah, "I could explain it all out to you if you would listen—all about my winter rye, and all about electricity."

But agin I sez considerately, "Don't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; it is a pretty hot day, and you hain't over and above well to-day."

He didn't like it at all; he wanted to talk about electric currents to me, and magnets, and dynamos, but I wouldn't listen to it. I felt that we wuz in the palace of the Great Enchanter, the King of Wonders of the 19th century, and I knew that orr and silence wuz befittin' mantillys to wrop ourselves in as we entered[Pg 559] his court, and stood in his imperial presence. And I told Josiah so.

And he sez, "You won't catch me with a mantilly on."

He is dretful fraid to wear wimmen's clothes. I can't git a apron or a sun-bunnet on him in churnin' time or berryin' in dog-days—he is sot.

But I sez, "Josiah, I spoke in metafor."

And he sez, "I would ruther you would use pantaloons and vests, if you are a-goin' to allegore about me."

But to resoom. France, England, Germany, all have wonderful exhibits, and as for our own country, there wuz no end seemin'ly to the marvellous sight.

Why, to give you a idee of the size and splendor of 'em, one electrical company alone spent 350,000 dollars on its exhibit.

Among the German exhibits wuz a wonderful search-light—jest as searchin' as any light ever could be—it wuz sunthin' like the day of judgment in lightin' up and showin' forth.

One of the strange things long to be remembered wuz to set down alone beside of a big horn in Chicago and hear a melodious orkestry in New York, hundreds and hundreds of miles away, a-discoursin' the sweetest melody.

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Wall, what took up Josiah's mind most of anything wuz a house all fitted up from basement to attic with electricity.

You come home (say you come in the evenin' and bring company with you); you press a button at the door, the door opens; touch another button, and the hall will be all lighted up, and so with every other room in the house. Some of these lights will be rosettes of light let into the wall, and some on 'em lamps behind white, and rose-tinted, and amber porcelain.

When you go upstairs to put on another coat, you touch a button, the electric elevator takes you to your room; and when you open the closet door, that lights the lamp in the closet; when you have found your coat and vest, shuttin' the door puts the light out.

In the mean time, your visitors down below are entertained by a selection from operatic or sacred music or comic songs from a phonograph on the parlor table. Or if they want to hear Gladstone debate, or Chauncey Depew joke, or Ingersoll lecture, or no matter what their tastes are, they can be gratified. The phonograph don't care; it will bring to 'em anything they call for.

Then, when they have got ready for dinner, a button is touched; the dinner comes down from the kitchen in the attic, where it[Pg 561] wuz all cooked by electricity, baked, roasted, or biled, whatever it is.

When the vittles are put on the table, they are kept warm by electric warmin' furnaces.

They start up a rousin' fire in the open fireplace by pressin' a button, and if they git kinder warm, electric fans cool the air agin, though there hain't much chance of gittin' too warm, for electric thermostats regulate the atmosphere. But in the summer the fans come handy.

When dinner is over the dishes mount upstairs agin, and are washed by a electric automatic dish washer, and dried by a electric dish drier.

The ice for dinner is made by a miniature ammonia ice plant, which keeps the hull house cool in hot days and nights.

On washin' days the woman of the house throws the dirty clothes and a piece of soap into a tub, and electricity heats the water, rubs and cleanses the clothes, shoves 'em along and rings 'em through an electric ringer, and dries 'em in a electric dryin' oven, and then irons 'em by an electric ironin' machine.

If the female of the house wants to sew a little, she don't have to wear out her own vital powers a-runnin' that sewin' machine—no; electricity jest runs it for her smooth as a dollar.

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If she wants to sweep her floor, does she have to wear out her own elbows? No, indeed; electricity jest sweeps it for her clean as a pin.

Oh, what a house! what a house!

Josiah of course wuz rampant with idees of havin' our house run jest like it.

He thought mebby he could run it by horse power or by wind.

"But," I sez, "I guess the old mair has enough on her hands without washin' dishes and cookin'."

He see it wuzn't feasible.

"But," sez he, "I believe I could run it by wind. Don't you know what wind storms we have in Jonesville?"

And I sez, "You won't catch me a-sewin' by it, a-blowin' me away one minute, and then stoppin' stun-still the next;" and sez I, "How could we be elevated by it? blow us half way upstairs, and then go down, and drop us. We shouldn't live through it a week, even if you could git the machinery a-runnin'."

"Wall," sez he, with a wise, shrewd look, "as fur as the elevator is concerned, I believe I could fix that on a endless chain—keep it a-runnin' all the time, sunthin' like perpetual motion."

"How could we git on it?" sez I coldly.

"Catch on," sez he; "it would be worth everything to both on us to make us spry and limber-jinted."

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"Oh, shaw!" sez I; "your idees are luny—luny as can be; it has got to go by electricity."

"Wall," sez he, "I never see any sharper lightnin' than we have to Jonesville. I believe I could git the machinery all rigged up, and catch lightnin' enough to run it. I mean to try, anyway."

"Wall," sez I, "I guess that you won't want to be elevated by lightnin' more'n once; I guess that that would be pretty apt to end your experiments."

"Oh, wall," sez he, "break it up! I never in my hull life tried to do sunthin' remarkable and noteworthy but what you put a drag on to me."

Sez I, "I have saved your life, Josiah Allen, time and agin, to say nothin' of my own."

He wuz mad, but I drawed his attention off onto a ocean cable, and asked him to explain it to me how the news went; and he wuz happy once more—happier than I wuz by fur. I wuz wretched, and had got myself into a job of weariness onspeakable and confusion, etc., and so forth.

But to such immense sacrifices will a woman's love lead her.