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I couldnā€™t believe it. He hung his head, not looking at me or Mike. I took ten deep breaths to calm myself. When I had finally reached that I looked at Brad, ā€œI want you out. Now. I donā€™t want you any where near my son or me. You can get your stuff and just leave. Donā€™t call, donā€™t text, donā€™t talk to me at all.ā€ I turned away from him, walking out of the door with Mike behind me. I went to Bradleyā€™s room to check on him. He was still sleeping, not bothered by his motherā€™s yelling. I picked him up from his crib and sat in the rocking chair with him. We sat there for a half hour and I didnā€™t pay attention to anything but him. When he was good and asleep, I put him back down in the crib and closed the door as I left the room.
Chapter Five


Chapter 5ā€”

I refused to let my mind think about what had happened. When I went downstairs, my mother was just getting home from work. Mike had apparently told her what had happened. She looked at me, trying to smile, and rushed to hug me. She smoothed my hair as I began to cry. What else was I suppose to do? Someone that I had trusted, loved, and cared about had just admitted to cheating on me!! How do you deal with that?? It had never happened to me and, right now, all I wanted to do was cry. So I cried on my momā€™s shoulders. Mike had wrapped his arms around both of us, leaning his head against the top of mine. I was happy to have a family, one that really loved me. They wouldnā€™t ever cheat on me. I smirked a little at the thought of that. Tears were still streaming down my face. I wasnā€™t sure of what I wanted to do. Brad was gone. I had lost him. All this time, I had thought that we all were happy. How could I have been wrong? What drove him out that far? My mind ran through the moments upstairs: my tears, my screaming, Bradā€™s tears, the thoughts racing in my head. Why me? What have I done to him? I didnā€™t understand. I released myself from the embrace between my parents. I went to the counter and picked up my cell phone. I had received at least 19 texts from Brad. I read the first: Can we just talk about this? I went on to the next: Look I love you. Just listen to what I have to say. Please. I didnā€™t want to hear his begging. I didnā€™t really want to hear anything he had to say at all. But, I thought of Bradley. What about him? He needs his father, right? He deserved that. He needed his dad. I didnā€™t know if I was willing to forgive him enough to put up with him so that Bradley could see him. I didnā€™t want to fight in front of Bradley, for sure. I went on to the next message: Ali I love you. I donā€™t want to lose you because of 1 stupid mistake. Please, baby girl, just listen to me. I love you so much. & you still love me too. I miss you already. Tears seeped from my eyes. He was right. I do miss him. I do love him, even though he put me through that. My heart throbbed. Baby please, I read. That was it. I broke down. I couldnā€™t listen to it anymore. I didnā€™t want to love him, but I did. I didnā€™t want to fall into this anymore. I didnā€™t want to even think about it, at all. I deleted my inbox. I didnā€™t want to read anymore of it. I donā€™t think I could bear it. I put my phone in my pocket and ran up the stairs. I walked into Bradleyā€™s room and picked him up. I carried him into my room and lay on the bed with him. I couldnā€™t sleep alone tonight. Iā€™d never sleep at all if that were the case. I relaxed on the bed with Bradley on my chest, sleeping like a rock. My fingers roamed across his back, closing my eyes automatically to calm myself. I eventually fell asleep. I didnā€™t dream, which came as a relief to me.

Chapter Six


Chapter 6ā€”

I woke to the sound of the alarm. Bradley was sleeping on my chest still, his hand placed on my neck. He felt warm. I wrapped my arms around him, securing him to my body, and got out of my bed. I yawned and carried Bradley back to his room. I laid him down gently and went to my bathroom to get a shower. I went through the process of getting ready slowly. I didnā€™t want to go to school. I wasnā€™t ready to see Brad again. Tears welled up in my eyes. I choked them back and concentrated on matching my clothes. I took out a pair of holey jeans, Reef flip-flops, and a chocolate Hollister shirt with the word ā€˜surfā€™ printed on the front in big pink letters. I threw it on quickly. I didnā€™t feel like straightening my hair, so I grabbed the mousse, gel, and hairspray from the rack in my room. I tousled my hair rapidly. When I was done, I went into Bradleyā€™s room and picked him up from the crib. He was awake now, smiling up at me as his eyes met mine. I smiled back and put him on the changing table. I took out a fuzzy, blue sleeper with a camouflage toboggan and socks that matched. I changed his diaper, got him dressed, and made him a bottle. I propped him up and put the bottle on a folded blanket in front of his mouth. As he drank it, I packed his diaper bag with the things we would need for the day. I decided that it would be best to take him to the nursery for today. I was thankful for the school daycare.

I picked up the carrier and headed downstairs. I grabbed a Pepsi and three granola bars, then went out the door, locking it as I left. I strapped in the carrier, and got into the driverā€™s seat. Putting on my seatbelt, I started the car. I drove carefully to school, and got there 20 minutes early. I sat in the parking lot and listened to music quietly, while Bradley slept. Nicole came over to greet us and we walked to the nursery before going to first period. The woman in the nursery asked for my cell phone number and a copy of my schedule. I gave her my momā€™s and mikeā€™s cell phone numbers as well. I kissed Bradley on the forehead and went to class. My day went by quickly, and before I knew it, it was lunch. I went to get Bradley from the nursery and I didnā€™t even bother taking the carrier. I took him to the lunch room with me and sat in my usual seat.

I waited for Nicole to come sit down before I went to get lunch. When she got to the table, I handed Bradley to her. She cradled her arms and I placed him in them. I went quickly through the line. As I walked out of the line, someone came behind me. ā€œHey Ali,ā€ Bradā€™s deep voice called out for me. Tears started to come to my eyes. I held them back, fighting each one. I knew this was why I wanted to stay home. I turned around, tempted to throw my food in his face. Not while Bradley is here, I thought to myself. He was half-smiling at me. I didnā€™t return his reaction to seeing me. ā€œYes??ā€ I asked, kind of sarcastically. His smile went away. I studied his face. His expression was hurt, pained, and apologetic. For a moment, I felt sorry for him. Then I realized that the guy standing in front of me was a cold, heartless, cheating bitch. I definitely had no reason to feel sorry for him. ā€œI was hoping, that maybe, we could just talk. I texted you last night. But, I guess you already know that.ā€ He murmured quietly, drifting off in his thoughts. I nodded. I turned to walk back to my table. His hand caught my arm, and his other hand reached up to grab my face as he placed his lips on mine. He kissed me!!

I couldnā€™t believe this was happening. And, I kissed him back!! What the hell?!? What was I doing?!?! He pulled back and I opened my eyes. Smack him, my minded demanded. My heart ached. His eyes were studying my face. I wanted to cry. I turned back around and walked to the table where Nicole waited, her jaw dropped and face in shock. Bradley was squirming in her arms. I put down my tray and picked him up. I didnā€™t have an appetite anymore; I just wanted to hold Bradley. Tears slowly streamed down my cheeks. I stared at Bradley, blocking out everything else. I didnā€™t even notice that I had started to really cry until Nicole reached over and grabbed my hand. I held her hand and Bradley close to me.

Someone came up behind me, placing their hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Bradā€™s face, his eyes weary and concerned. That look sent pains through to my heart. It throbbed. Tears streamed continuously down my cheeks. My face burned. I really do love him, I thought. My mind was in agreement with my heart. But how could I forgive him? How could I look at him the same again? I gave Bradley to Nicole and stood up in front of Brad. We were hurting each other. I wasnā€™t the only one aching in the situation. We both were. I stepped in to hug him closely in my arms. I ran my fingers through his hair, clutching him to me. I didnā€™t want to lose this, ever. We deserved it, our son deserved this. We loved each other. That was all that could possibly matter. I let go of him and grabbed his hand. We sat back down and I took Bradley back from Nicole. A slight smile stretched across my face. I handed him to Brad. As

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