No Limits - Me :) (ereader for textbooks TXT) 📗

up hours of my nights. I would go to bed so late, without anyone knowing. No one who knows me personally, knows about this, any of this. I haven't showed all these books, one of them being the first book on the second page of the Most Widely Read Books on this site, which is crazy.

So, I actually wanted to talk about my current boyfriend. Who I met off of Tinder, surprisingly, but I was pretty desperate afer that last guy, a lot more happened after that text breakup and it's not something to get into right now, maybe another chapter. So, my boyfriend, our three month anniversary is in a little less than a week. He lives a city away. I have school, he has school, so we only see each other on weekends and talk every night until one of us fall asleep. The first two months were so great. We loved each other, already started talking about our future together. I started about staying in France next year after graduating high school instead of leaving and continuing my studies in England to finally have my classes in English and about something that actally insterests me. I started to look into Cooking Courses in France, in the city where I currently live as well as where he lives. But still have the England schools lined up since applications where due long ago. But schools to stay in France, those applications were also due, just about a week before I started getting these ideas.

I was searching anyways. I even told my mom. She was surprisingly on board with the idea, even though the reason she didn't like my boyfriend in the first place was this idea that I wouldn't want to leave anymore and stay in France and ruin my future, just to stay with him.

However, it's spring break. So, logically, we would see each other more often, I have no school, he has no school, but I do have a lot of studying to do, but obviously to see him a few times a week is fine, it's not going to jeopardise my studying, well not a lot. So, we spent Friday night together, as usual. I go home Saturday morning for my last Tutoring Class and then I was on vacation. Sunday, he comes to see me, we go straight to the movies, afterwards he goes home to eat with his parents at home. We barely spent anytime together. That's why I don't particularly like the movies, you can't bond with the person, it's not like drinking a coffee, where you sit in front of the person, with just a drink, and you talk, a restaurant is more difficult, you have to eat, and try to maintain a conversation at the same time. But he came, we went to the movies, he left. It's now Friday night, and we haven't seen each other since. Every Friday, I go to see him, eat at his house with his parents, and we meet up with his friends to play pool and have a drink. I got sick with a stomach flu or somehing of the sort on Tuesday. We were supposed to see each other on Wednesday and go to the beach, so yeah, that would have been the perfect bonding scenerio. But I spent the day in bed. I spent everyday in bed since.

For these days, that I've spent in bed, I would have loved to spent it with him, but I didn't want to get him sick. A part of me wanted him to at least ask if I wanted his to come by, just to be there, take care of me. I mean it's understandable that he didn't offer since I live with my mom and everything but I wanted him to say something of the sort, saying how he wished he could be here to comfort me. He probably said it at least once within the past four days, but I needed more than that. 

I can remember, considering that it wasn't that long ago, he would still compliment me, and send cute messages, pretty often. We would talk all the time, during class hours, after class, before class even. I would leave him alone for a few hours, like two to three hours to play his online games with his friends. But now, in the morning, he messages me at 1PM, and he's been awake for two hours on his phone in bed. He just messages me, we talk by message for about 5 to 10 minutes and then he says he's going to get up, take a shower, and eat, and then I get a message a few hours later letting me know that he's going to play with his friends and that he'll call me later. He calls me just before he eats dinner at 8PM, like 10 minutes before, just to "talk to me" a little before eating. And then he doesn't come back until midnight because he continues to play with his friends. Once he calls me, he lays in bed, headphones in, say hi, asks what I've done during the day, and watches YouTube videos, while on the phone with me, like on his phone. And I'm in bed just listening, to nothing. He tells me that I can talk to him and all, but I mean, I don't want to talk over his video, whether it's annoying for him, or if it's disrespectful towards me, I just don't want to. But he doesn't understand that. I haven't told him that directly, but he knows that I don't want to talk when he's watching his videos. Yet every night it's the same thing, over and over again. While I wait for him to stop watching his videos, I end up falling asleep, and we practically don't talk for the entire day.

I don't know if he has less feelings for me, if he has just gotten comfortable with me, and thinks I'm fine with it. I feel like he doesn't care as much, he used to send me multiple messages through different social medias when I wouldn't answer his first message. Now he just waits. He used to tell me to hurry up so he could call me. 

I mean, it's crazy. It had been less than two months together and we had talked about our future, talking about moving to Korea and I would open my own bakery and we would get kids, a boy first so that he would be overprotective over his little sister. We already chose the name Lily for our little girl and thought about Ethan for the boy. I told him that if we end up breaking up for whatever reason, and I somehow manage to open my dream bakery, I would name it Lily. 

I don't know if he even feels this growing apart in our relationship, I mean it's not that bad, i know, but it's noticeable. Whenever we're together, everything is perfectly perfect, but right now, he is out with his friends, and I'm home, wriing about this. He told me earlier today that they had exceptionally changed the plans and they were going to play pool tomorrow night, so I was happy that I wouldn't miss it tonight. And he had gone out earlier in the afternoon so we had barely talked, we hadn't yet called each other. He tells me that he'll get back home in the late afternoon, so I was like okay that's fine, we'll get to talk then. He sends me a message just before 8PM, just before his dinnertime. He tells me the plans changed again and he's going out tonight to play pool with his friends. 

He got me pretty mad with these news. He felt that I got mad and called me, he got annoyed that I was getting mad for nothing, which I admit, it was stupid, I knew that it was stupid, it wasn't his fault that plans were changed, how could he have known. But I have been stuck at home for four days in bed. And he has barely been talking to me, and he gets to go out with his friends, and I have to miss it. I look forward to those nights every week. I only see those people once a week, I get along with them pretty well, some of them, I get along with better than my own friends. I don't even get invited to go out with my own friends. But that's high school. 

Anyways, I think this way our first fight, I mean I got mad, without yelling but he could tell I was annoyed, and he got annoyed that I was getting mad for no reason and he didn't say it, but I could clearly hear it in his voice, when he finally called me for the first time that day because he could sense that I wasn't feeling great from my messages.

I know that we just need to see each other and everything will be fine, but I also know that things will continue like this, it might get even worse. Because I tend to wait for his morning message, every morning. And I get them pretty late. So I waste my time, in bed, waiting. And he's just on his phone, not thinking about me, at all. I used to think that he liked me more than I liked him. I don't find him attractive first of all, but he makes me laugh so much, before we had even met, he would make me laugh so much just by message. And the first time we met, it was the same. He would make me smile so much with cute messages before we had met, even after, but not as much now. Even our sex life has gotten so consistent, in the beginning, before we even had sex but just foreplay because I was still a virgin, we would make things interesting all the time because, well, foreplay is foreplay. Now it's just this goes there in this position that position and that position and that's it. 

It's currently 10:30PM and I'm gonna have to wait two to three hours for him to send me a message. 

Another thing that annoys me is when he tells me hat he doesn't like something I'm wearing, or how my hair is done. He hates when I put my hair in braids, but I love it. But ever since he told me that he doesn't like it, I can never put my hair in braids when I see him. And there are a specific type of earrings he hates that I wear and I adore them, I have so many pairs that are of that type but I can't wear them when I'm with him, and I hate it.

Okay, so I decided on the question halfway through this rant, and it's kind of off topic of the idea of this book but it's been a while so, deal with it. I'm gonna calm down now and smoke a cigarette (which I have stopped doing just for him by the way).

 

4-27-2018

 

[ Sorry, I wrote this directly through BookRix which I rarely do (I usually write it my stuff on a different software and copy it later) and I didn't proof read because my mind is too pre-occupied and re reading through everything might get my blood boiling by reading all the details of what is annoying me right now, so let's not to do that. I'll proof-read it eventually... ]