A letter to my daughter - James Bernard Myers (online e book reader .TXT) 📗

A letter to my daughter

I want to say this to my first born of my loins. I don’t know how to say that I am sorry for not being in your life when you needed me to be at the time of your up bringing. I just have to say that I have really been through a lot in life and I am still going through things now as I try to write this letter to you. I do not know that if you will get this or not. But I have to say that I am not gonna let myself get all worked up and upset to the point of having a break down and a stroke. I do not want to get sick for thinking about you and how that I should have been there for you. Now I will say that I was not good to your mom in the last days of our love affair. I was not the man that she thought that I was at the time that we met. We met at a young age and I was truly in love with her, but at the time of our engagement, I changed to a different person that she did not know at all. I do not k now what came over me at the time when we got married, but I will tell you this, I will take the blame for me not being there with you. I was in a state of mind that I knew not even myself of who I was at that time. You know sometimes in life you go though things and you see things that will carry on into your everyday walk. You may not understand now but one day you will know what I mean and you will experience some heart break in your life. If it is not me, your mother, your lover, or even your best friend, you will come to a point of feeling neglected and betrayed. Me and your mother was young at the time of our meeting. She was a beautiful young lady that was in town for one of her functions for her sorority. I was a waiter at a hotel in the downtown area Winston-Salem, N.C. Now I do not know what prompted me to go and speak to her and want to get to know her more, but I did. So I went and got her room number of the room that she and her friends were staying in at the time and I got her number as well. So after a while she gets back home and I call her and we would stay on the phone for hours at a time. We would just talk and talk and talk and get more of each other by talking and sharing things. Now I was not the one at the time to tell her all that was going on with me at the time, just enough to get her to want to be with me. Now she would come up and visit me and spend the nights with me and we would go out and have good times. I used to make a phony restaurant to show her that I had a little class and taste. I was really liking her at the time. I mean that she was just the one for me. I used to smoke and drink and get high and all that, but your mother came into my life and I just stopped everything cold turkey. I know why you are wandering why I am telling you all this at a time now, but I just have to let you know that I was the one that hurt your mother and I am living a life o f pain now because of it till this day. I just want to tell you that I was there when you was born and I was there when you came out of your mothers womb and I was there when you came into this world. I held you in my arms and I did not cry I was just amazed at what I had just witnessed by seeing you born. Now by that time your mother had left me and she had her mind made up that it was over with us. Now the reason that she left me was because I put my hands on her. I did not beat her or anything like that, I just pushed her down. I know that this still no accuse for me to touch her and let her down, but it happened at the heat of the moment. I am so sorry that I was led to do that and led to hurt your mother in that way. I am still paying for this today in my life as I go though it now. I have not been stable since. I have not been able to have anything worth having. I am paying for this with my life. I am now to the point in my life that I do not want to be with anyone. I am a point in my life now that I do not want to be bothered. But I have to say that I did try to contact you later on in life and you would not respond. It hurts knowing that I hurt you and I have not even met you or even loved you. I hate that you have to go though life knowing that you do have a dad and he is not in your life. I am in your life but you do not want me to come into your life. I just want to do me one thing and that is to do not allow anyone to change your mind in what you think. IF you know that you have a forgiven heart and you know that you can forgive, then just do it and let the person that is hurting have that chance to get redeemed to put themselves back into existence. All that I want to say is now that I am sorry and I hope that one day you will know that I wanted you to be in my life and that I wanted you to meet me and wanted you to know that I tried and tried to be with you and love you. I know that you have been raised to love and forgive people. So learn to live and let die. I love you and I hope that when you have kids that you will not allow them to endure what you have endure in your life.


Your dad and your friend James Myers

Publication Date: 11-17-2010

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