The Comedy of Errors - William Shakespeare (best summer reads .txt) 📗

epub:type="z3998:persona">Antipholus of Syracuse

Avoid then, fiend! what tell’st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.

Courtesan

Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

Dromio of Syracuse

Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
A nut, a cherry-stone;
But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

Courtesan

I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.

Antipholus of Syracuse Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go. Dromio of Syracuse “Fly pride,” says the peacock: mistress, that you know. Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse. Courtesan

Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain:
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told today at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush’d into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
For forty ducats is too much to lose. Exit.

Scene IV

A street.

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and the Officer. Antipholus of Ephesus

Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood today,
And will not lightly trust the messenger.
That I should be attach’d in Ephesus,
I tell you ’twill sound harshly in her ears.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus with a rope’s-end.

Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

Dromio of Ephesus Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all. Antipholus of Ephesus But where’s the money? Dromio of Ephesus Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. Antipholus of Ephesus Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? Dromio of Ephesus I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. Antipholus of Ephesus To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? Dromio of Ephesus To a rope’s-end, sir; and to that end am I returned. Antipholus of Ephesus And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. Beating him. Officer Good sir, be patient. Dromio of Ephesus Nay, ’tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity. Officer Good now, hold thy tongue. Dromio of Ephesus Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands. Antipholus of Ephesus Thou whoreson, senseless villain! Dromio of Ephesus I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows. Antipholus of Ephesus Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass. Dromio of Ephesus I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door. Antipholus of Ephesus Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder. Enter Adriana, Luciana, the Courtesan, and Pinch. Dromio of Ephesus Mistress, “respice finem,” respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, “beware the rope’s-end.” Antipholus of Ephesus Wilt thou still talk? Beating him. Courtesan How say you now? is not your husband mad? Adriana

His incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.

Luciana Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! Courtesan Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy! Pinch Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse. Antipholus of Ephesus There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.Striking him. Pinch

I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

Antipholus of Ephesus Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad. Adriana O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul! Antipholus of Ephesus

You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house today,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
And I denied to enter in my house?

Adriana

O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
Where would you had remain’d until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!

Antipholus of Ephesus Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou? Dromio of Ephesus Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home. Antipholus of Ephesus Were not my doors lock’d up and I shut out? Dromio of Ephesus Perdie, your doors were lock’d and you shut out. Antipholus of Ephesus And did not she herself revile me there? Dromio of Ephesus Sans fable, she herself reviled you there. Antipholus of Ephesus Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt and scorn me? Dromio of Ephesus Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you. Antipholus of Ephesus And did not I in rage depart from thence? Dromio of Ephesus

In verity you did; my bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

Adriana Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries? Pinch

It is no shame: