The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde (best books under 200 pages .TXT) 📗
- Author: Oscar Wilde
Book online «The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde (best books under 200 pages .TXT) 📗». Author Oscar Wilde
Poor Jenkins the carter, a most hardworking man.
Jack
Oh! I don’t see much fun in being christened along with other babies. It would be childish. Would half-past five do?
Chasuble
Admirably! Admirably! Takes out watch. And now, dear Mr. Worthing, I will not intrude any longer into a house of sorrow. I would merely beg you not to be too much bowed down by grief. What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.
Miss Prism
This seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind.
Enter Cecily from the house.
Cecily
Uncle Jack! Oh, I am pleased to see you back. But what horrid clothes you have got on! Do go and change them.
Miss Prism
Cecily!
Chasuble
My child! my child! Cecily goes towards Jack; he kisses her brow in a melancholy manner.
Cecily
What is the matter, Uncle Jack? Do look happy! You look as if you had toothache, and I have got such a surprise for you. Who do you think is in the dining-room? Your brother!
Jack
Who?
Cecily
Your brother Ernest. He arrived about half an hour ago.
Jack
What nonsense! I haven’t got a brother.
Cecily
Oh, don’t say that. However badly he may have behaved to you in the past he is still your brother. You couldn’t be so heartless as to disown him. I’ll tell him to come out. And you will shake hands with him, won’t you, Uncle Jack? Runs back into the house.
Chasuble
These are very joyful tidings.
Miss Prism
After we had all been resigned to his loss, his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.
Jack
My brother is in the dining-room? I don’t know what it all means. I think it is perfectly absurd.
Enter Algernon and Cecily hand in hand. They come slowly up to Jack.
Jack
Good heavens! Motions Algernon away.
Algernon
Brother John, I have come down from town to tell you that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have given you, and that I intend to lead a better life in the future. Jack glares at him and does not take his hand.
Cecily
Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse your own brother’s hand?
Jack
Nothing will induce me to take his hand. I think his coming down here disgraceful. He knows perfectly well why.
Cecily
Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some good in everyone. Ernest has just been telling me about his poor invalid friend Mr. Bunbury whom he goes to visit so often. And surely there must be much good in one who is kind to an invalid, and leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain.
Jack
Oh! he has been talking about Bunbury, has he?
Cecily
Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr. Bunbury, and his terrible state of health.
Jack
Bunbury! Well, I won’t have him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else. It is enough to drive one perfectly frantic.
Algernon
Of course I admit that the faults were all on my side. But I must say that I think that Brother John’s coldness to me is peculiarly painful. I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially considering it is the first time I have come here.
Cecily
Uncle Jack, if you don’t shake hands with Ernest I will never forgive you.
Jack
Never forgive me?
Cecily
Never, never, never!
Jack
Well, this is the last time I shall ever do it. Shakes with Algernon and glares.
Chasuble
It’s pleasant, is it not, to see so perfect a reconciliation? I think we might leave the two brothers together.
Miss Prism
Cecily, you will come with us.
Cecily
Certainly, Miss Prism. My little task of reconciliation is over.
Chasuble
You have done a beautiful action today, dear child.
Miss Prism
We must not be premature in our judgments.
Cecily
I feel very happy. They all go off except Jack and Algernon.
Jack
You young scoundrel, Algy, you must get out of this place as soon as possible. I don’t allow any Bunburying here.
Enter Merriman.
Merriman
I have put Mr. Ernest’s things in the room next to yours, sir. I suppose that is all right?
Jack
What?
Merriman
Mr. Ernest’s luggage, sir. I have unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own.
Jack
His luggage?
Merriman
Yes, sir. Three portmanteaus, a dressing-case, two hatboxes, and a large luncheon-basket.
Algernon
I am afraid I can’t stay more than a week this time.
Jack
Merriman, order the dogcart at once. Mr. Ernest has been suddenly called back to town.
Merriman
Yes, sir. Goes back into the house.
Algernon
What a fearful liar you are, Jack. I have not been called back to town at all.
Jack
Yes, you have.
Algernon
I haven’t heard anyone call me.
Jack
Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.
Algernon
My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.
Jack
I can quite understand that.
Algernon
Well, Cecily is a darling.
Jack
You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don’t like it.
Algernon
Well, I don’t like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them. Why on earth don’t you go up and change? It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque.
Jack
You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else. You have got to leave … by the four-five train.
Algernon
I certainly won’t leave you so long as you are in mourning. It would be most unfriendly. If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose. I should think it very unkind if you didn’t.
Jack
Well, will you go if I change my clothes?
Algernon
Yes, if you are not too long. I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.
Jack
Well, at any rate, that is better than being always overdressed as you are.
Algernon
If I am occasionally a little overdressed, I make up for it by
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