The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde (best books under 200 pages .TXT) 📗

The Importance of Being Earnest

By Oscar Wilde.

Table of Contents Titlepage Imprint Dramatis Personae The Scenes of the Play The Importance of Being Earnest Act I Act II Act III Colophon Uncopyright Imprint

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Dramatis Personae

John Worthing, J. P.

Algernon Moncrieff

Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.

Merriman, Butler

Lane, Manservant

Lady Bracknell

Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax

Cecily Cardew

Miss Prism, Governess

The Scenes of the Play

Act I: Algernon Moncrieff’s Flat in Half-Moon Street, W.

Act II: The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.

Act III: Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton.

Time: The Present

London: St. James’s Theatre

Lessee and Manager: Mr. George Alexander

February 14th, 1895

John Worthing, J. P.: Mr. George Alexander. Algernon Moncrieff: Mr. Allen Aynesworth. Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.: Mr. H. H. Vincent. Merriman: Mr. Frank Dyall. Lane: Mr. F. Kinsey Peile. Lady Bracknell: Miss Rose Leclercq. Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax: Miss Irene Vanbrugh. Cecily Cardew: Miss Evelyn Millard. Miss Prism: Mrs. George Canninge. The Importance of Being Earnest A Trivial Comedy for Serious People Act I

Scene: Morning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room.

Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, Algernon enters. Algernon Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? Lane I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir. Algernon I’m sorry for that, for your sake. I don’t play accurately⁠—anyone can play accurately⁠—but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life. Lane Yes, sir. Algernon And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell? Lane Yes, sir. Hands them on a salver. Algernon Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa. Oh!⁠ ⁠… by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed. Lane Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint. Algernon Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information. Lane I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand. Algernon Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that? Lane I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person. Algernon Languidly. I don’t know that I am much interested in your family life, Lane. Lane No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject. I never think of it myself. Algernon Very natural, I am sure. That will do, Lane, thank you. Lane Thank you, sir. Lane goes out. Algernon Lane’s views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the lower orders don’t set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility. Enter Lane. Lane Mr. Ernest Worthing. Enter Jack. Lane goes out. Algernon How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you up to town? Jack Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What else should bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy! Algernon Stiffly. I believe it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at five o’clock. Where have you been since last Thursday? Jack Sitting down on the sofa. In the country. Algernon What on earth do you do there? Jack Pulling off his gloves. When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people. It is excessively boring. Algernon And who are the people you amuse? Jack Airily. Oh, neighbours, neighbours. Algernon Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire? Jack Perfectly horrid! Never speak to one of them. Algernon How immensely you must amuse them! Goes over and takes sandwich. By the way, Shropshire is your county, is it not? Jack Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo! Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Why such reckless extravagance in one so young? Who is coming to tea? Algernon Oh! merely Aunt Augusta and Gwendolen. Jack How perfectly delightful! Algernon Yes, that is all very well; but I am afraid Aunt Augusta won’t quite approve of your being here. Jack May I ask why? Algernon My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you. Jack I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town expressly to propose to her. Algernon I thought you had come up for pleasure?⁠ ⁠… I call that business. Jack How utterly unromantic you are! Algernon I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually