Truth or Lies? by A. Gomez (book club recommendations txt) 📗

my eyes shut and opened them again. I reflexively reached over to the other side of the bed to make sure Betty Lou was still there but then quickly realized it wasn’t Betty Lou. It was Joshua Rockwall. There was no mistaking that rock hard chest. I let out a long exhale and let myself fall back on the pillow. I looked over at the clock—four in the morning. Shit! What was wrong with me? I covered my eyes with the palms of my hand, grabbing my hair by the roots. Was this part of PTSD? I’m supposed to know this, right? I was wide awake, although I felt extremely tired and drained. My thoughts were running a mile a minute. I had to do something to calm my thoughts. Should I call my mother, the therapist? She and my father probably hadn’t had a good night’s sleep either since I went missing, so waking her was out.

You can do this, Isabel. Help yourself. I decided to get up and go look at that amazing view Josh had. I sat up and sat at the edge of the bed for a moment, remembering that Josh didn’t want me to just get up and go without him. I looked over my shoulder at him. His angelic face looked so peaceful and he too looked like he needed to rest. I decided to go to the living room on my own without waking him. And it wasn’t as if his living room was on the other side of some massive house. It was just outside his bedroom.

I padded to the large sliding doors, gazing out at Chicago’s striking skyline. I didn’t think I could ever get tired of looking at that view. The wind had quieted down and I began to see snow flurries. I looked up to see the snow was beginning to fall with more intensity. It looked so beautiful against the twinkling lights and the other skyscrapers, blanketing the rooftops and balconies of other buildings. I hadn’t noticed before that Josh had a good-size balcony with two chaise loungers and a small round table in between them with a dead plant resting on it. I pursed my lips, knowing that poor plant died of neglect because of me.

I thought of Betty and Caroline and wondered if they were well. I thought of the other girls and prayed that they were all able to get to sleep and stay asleep with no problems. I wondered if Debbie was still alive when Josh and the other agents finally arrived or had she bled to death? I shook my head and scoffed inwardly. This is not helping yourself, Dr. Langley. You can do better than this. I could, but for some reason, I just didn’t know how to begin.

“Isabel,” a deep, seductive voice from behind called out. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Josh holding his gun with the barrel pointed down to the floor. “Baby, why didn’t you wake me?”

“You looked so tired before we went to bed and then so peaceful asleep I couldn’t bring myself to wake you. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

He placed the gun on his coffee table and padded over to me. I turned my attention back to the skyline. He stood behind me, rubbing my arms and planting kisses on the side of my head.

“Your view is beautiful,” I muttered. “I can’t sleep.”

“What can I do to help?”

“Nothing,” I sighed, still gazing out the windows and doors.

Josh was quiet. I could feel him getting a little agitated. “I should’ve brought you here from the beginning,” he breathed.

“Yes, you should have,” I said dryly.

He clasped my upper arms, holding them tight as he laid his forehead against the top of my head. My words must have stung. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. His breathing was starting to pick up. “I should’ve listened to you when you asked me to take you home with me.”

“I didn’t ask, Josh, I begged,” I replied, dryly again.

“Baby, I am so sorry. Whatever you’re going through right now is all my fault. You could’ve been here with me, safe.”

I whirled. “I shot, stabbed and killed several men…and possibly one woman, Josh!” I yelled at Josh, not really understanding why I was yelling at him. It wasn’t his fault at all. He was just doing his job. Tears began to pool in my eyes. I could feel my hands shaking. “I lived every day thinking that any moment another large man was going to be ordered by Chang to take Betty Lou and sell her or rent her out for the night. Or worse, attack her, and I wouldn’t be able to stop him! I didn’t know how long I could protect her or me, for that matter.” My voice was trembling and the tears were running down my cheeks. I was beginning to sob uncontrollably. “When I saw that awful man go at Betty,” I said, sobbing, “I didn’t stop to think. I just killed him, Josh.” I was getting hysterical. “And Betty Lou saw me kill him.” I broke down and fell on the floor to my knees in front of Josh, sobbing hysterically. Josh was on the floor with me, holding me.

“I can still hear the guttural sound he was making when I kept stabbing him in the neck. Those damn scissors were too short and he wouldn’t die so I kept stabbing until I knew he was dead.” I could hardly get the words out through my sobs. “Every day and night I saw the girls going to their appointments and some of them wouldn’t come back. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t stop Chang. Why didn’t I kill him?” I yelled. “Those bastards shot my dog!”

Josh pulled me close to his chest, holding me tight. I began to push him away, hitting