The Ladies Book of Useful Information - Anonymous (the unexpected everything .txt) 📗

very much needed. I am assured that it is a subject not often talked of in families—at least, as it ought to be—nor is it much alluded to in the pulpit, and the result is that young people commonly get their notions about it from those only a little older than themselves, and who therefore know but little more than they do, or from those who form their opinions from the abuse they see of it and so hold degrading and unworthy ideas respecting it. Sometimes all that is known about it amounts to this, that it is a delightful thing to be married.

It is quite true that it often is, and always ought to be, delightful; still, you know it is frequently the reverse. You cannot, then, be too cautious in the matter.

Nothing can be more orderly, right, proper, and holy than marriage. It is not, however, quite so simple an affair as you may fancy. Every good thing (and this is one of the best) requires some effort to obtain it, and unless you take the right course you must not expect to succeed.

You may often see a young woman who, from not entertaining correct views on the point, is certainly taking a wrong course, her endeavors being rather to make what she considers a good match than by acquiring kind and orderly habits to qualify herself to become worthy of a worthy husband.

That the best things are liable to the greatest abuses is notorious, and from the lamentable fact that marriage is often abused we may fairly infer its pre-eminent worth. In truth, there is nothing more valuable. It is, then, highly injurious to entertain low notions respecting it, and men who indulge in loose conversation on the subject are likely at the same time to think meanly of women. Beware of them, and if you hear them expressing such opinions in your presence, withdraw from them at once as unworthy of your company. Never fear but they will respect you the more for the rebuke.

Of course you are looking forward to settling happily, and will do your best for that purpose. On this let me remark that all happiness (that is, all that is genuine, and therefore worthy of the name) comes from connection with the one great source of all good, and He has freely and fully provided all the means necessary for our being happy, both here and hereafter. He has placed each of us where it is best for us to be, and in the circumstances that are best for us at the time, and this applies to you and to me now. Howsoever much appearances may be to the contrary, He cares as much for each of us as if we were the sole objects of His care. It is only by doing our duty in humble dependence on His assistance, which He never withholds, that we can be happy. It behooves you, then, to consider well what is your duty, in order that you may do it and may enjoy the blessings He is so ready to bestow. I hope you may have been a loving and dutiful daughter, an affectionate sister, and a faithful friend; then you may have good ground of hope for the future.

WHEN A PROSPECT OF MARRIAGE

occurs you cannot do better than consult your mother, aunt, or other discreet relative that has your welfare at heart, from whom you may reasonably expect the best and most disinterested advice; and this it will be well for you to be guided by. Women of mature years can judge far better than you whether a man is likely to make a good husband. You should likewise quietly and cautiously make your own observations among your married acquaintances, especially where you believe there is a comfortable and happy home. You will doubtless find that to a very great extent this happy home depends on the wife's management and economy. Very often it happens that when two husbands have the same income, with the same number of children, there will be comfort in the one home and discomfort in the other. Now, there must be a reason for this, and you should endeavor to find it out and profit by the lesson. It is said “Cleanliness is next to godliness,” and truly the value of cleanliness cannot be overrated. In point of time, it should go before godliness, for where there is not cleanliness there can hardly be godliness; and the health of body and mind are greatly dependent on these two. Moreover, where can there be complete happiness without health?

One of the most prolific sources of matrimonial difficulties is the lack of knowledge on the part of wives of the duties of housekeeping. In these days there are a hundred young ladies who can drum on the piano to one who can make a good loaf of bread.

YET A HUNGRY HUSBAND

cares more for a good dinner than he does—as long as his appetite is unappeased—to listen to the music of the spheres. Heavy bread has made many heavy hearts, given rise to dyspepsia—horrid dyspepsia—and its herd of accompanying torments. Girls who desire that their husbands should be amiable and kind, should learn how to make good bread. When a young man is courting, he can live well at home; or, if he has to go a distance to pay his addresses, he usually obtains good meals at an hotel or an eating-house; but when he is married and gets to housekeeping, his wife assumes the functions of his mother or his landlord, and it is fortunate for her if she has been educated so as to know what a good table is. Those who are entirely dependent upon hired cooks make a very poor show at housekeeping. The stomach performs a very important part in the economy of humanity, and wives who are forgetful of this fact commit a serious mistake.

You know full well that most young men—and most young women, too—are desirous of marrying and having a family; but they do not sufficiently consider that it is God who gives them this desire, and that for the wisest of purposes; not only that this world may be peopled, but also that its inhabitants may be prepared for heaven.

Nothing is more certain than that

MARRIAGE AFFORDS

the fairest opportunities for preparing for a better world. In it we have others dearer than ourselves to think about and provide for; and in doing so, we have often to practice that very useful virtue, self-denial. Let me here impress upon you most deeply, that it is only by making others happy that we can become happy ourselves. The angels, we may be assured, are happy, because they are always actively good; and for a similar reason it is that God himself is infinitely happy. If you try to secure you own happiness by any other means than a faithful discharge of your duty to God and your neighbor, you will certainly fail.

I dare say you will find that

YOUNG MEN ARE FOND OF YOUR COMPANY,

and of paying you every polite attention, and you, as a right-minded woman, are well pleased to be so treated. It is due to you as a woman. Now, each of them is, or ought to be, looking out for a wife, and it is well that you should know this. It is, too, more important than you perhaps are aware, that you should be carefully making your own observations, so that when the time arrives for one of them to ask you to become his wife you may not be taken by surprise, but may know how to act on the occasion.

Let me caution you here against a failing that is common among young women. I mean that of making themselves too cheap. They feel flattered by the attentions paid to them, and are not sufficiently aware that many young men are fond of indulging in flattery; and such, if they find a young woman weak enough to be pleased with it, will perhaps play upon her feelings and gain her affections without having any honorable intentions towards her.

As a protection against such, I recommend you to have a proper respect for yourself, and to consider with what object or purpose you receive their attentions. If you respond without an object, you may be doing them wrong; if you accept them when they have no right intentions, you allow them to wrong you. For this purpose consider well what you are—a human being intended for an eternity of bliss. God has made you a woman; and, believe me, as there is no fairer, so there is no nobler creature than woman. She is formed to be her husband's helpmate and the mother of his children, and the all-important work of training these for heaven depends mainly upon her. Great, then, is her responsibility; but God has given her the requisite love and power to do her duty with satisfaction and delight. He has placed you in this beautiful world that by doing your duty as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend, you may become fitted to enter His heavenly kingdom.

During your courtship let me entreat you to be very careful and circumspect. There is no period of life that can compare with this delightful season. It is, or should be, full of sunshine and sparkling with the poetry of life; but alas! to many it is the opposite. A want of judgment—a momentary indiscretion—has not only blotted out this beautiful springtime of life, but has marred, darkened, and blighted the whole of the after lifetime.

No maiden can, under any circumstances, place her character in the hands of any man before marriage. No matter how sincere the love, how ardent the protestations, how earnest or plausible the pleadings, you must not, you cannot, surrender your honor. You must preserve your prudence and virtue; it is only by possession of these that you can keep

THE LOVE AND RESPECT OF YOUR LOVER.

Be firm, be circumspect; a rash word or a false step may extinguish forever all your bright hopes and prospective joys. Even should your lover redeem his promises and take you to be his wife, this indiscretion, or crime, will surely hang over you like a curse, creating discord, trouble, and sorrow, the greatest portion of which will fall to your share.

You must know that young men, however amiable, worthy or honorable they may be, may, in a moment of intense excitement, commit a sin that in their calmer moments they would not be guilty of for worlds.

But under all circumstances you will be looked upon to resist any advances, and maintain your purity and virtue. No matter how high the tide of passion may run in unguarded moments, and set in against heaven and against society, the terrible and painful ebb will surely follow and leave you stranded forever on the bleak and barren shore of your earthly existence.

THERE IS NO STATE OF LIFE MORE HONORABLE,

useful, and happy than that of a wife and mother. There must and ever will be inequalities of station, but happiness is equally attainable in them all. To be happy, however, you must be good. Of course, I do not mean absolutely good, for “there is none good but One”; but I mean that you should be relatively good, and should aim at becoming better and more innocent as you advance in life. Now, you cannot respect yourself unless you know that you are worthy of respect; and if you do not respect yourself, you cannot expect that anybody else will; and in such case you will not be worthy of the love of any good man, and none such will be likely to pay court to you. If, however, you take the right means, in which I include prayer for divine guidance, you will have the respect