The Ladies Book of Useful Information - Anonymous (the unexpected everything .txt) 📗

marry or not. Indeed, a chief object in our being placed in this world is that we may acquire good habits, and so be fitted to associate with the just made perfect in heaven!

Be very guarded in your actions and demeanor. Cultivate purity of heart and thought.

No woman is fit to become a wife who is not perfectly modest in word, deed, and thought. No young man, who is worth having, would ever entertain the thought for a moment of taking the girl for a wife who is habitually careless in her conversation and displays a levity in her manners. Young men may like your free and hearty girls to laugh and talk with, but as to taking one for a wife, let me assure you they would not tolerate the idea for a moment.

You may at times be unavoidably compelled to hear a vulgar word spoken or an indelicate allusion made; in every instance maintain a rigid insensibility. It is not enough that you should cast down your eyes or turn your head, you must act as if you did not hear it; appear as if you did not comprehend it. You ought to receive no more impression from remarks of this character than a block of wood. Unless you maintain this standing, and preserve this high-toned purity of manner, you will be greatly depreciated in the opinion of all men whose opinion is worth having, and you deprive yourself of much influence and respect which it is your privilege to possess and exert.

COURTSHIP, AFTER ALL, IS A MOMENTOUS MATTER.

After taking all the counsel that may be offered, you must at last, in a great measure, rely on your own judgment. Within a few short months you have to decide, from what you can see of a man, whether you will have him in preference to your parents, friends, and all others that you know, to be a life companion. What can you do? How shall you judge? How arrive at a correct conclusion? My dear young girl, there is only One who can assist you. He, in His mercy to your helplessness and weakness, has given to every virtuous and pure-minded woman a wonderful, mysterious, and subtle instinct; a peculiar faculty that cannot be analyzed by reason, a faculty that men do not possess, and one in which they do not generally believe. At this all-important period, this eventful crisis in your life, this womanly instinct guides and saves you. You can feel in a moment the presence or influence of a base, sensual, and unworthy nature. An electric-like thrill animates you, and you are naturally repulsed from him. When your suitor is a man of incongruous temper, ungenial habits, and of a morose and unsympathetic disposition, this same precious, divine instinct acts, and the man feels, though he cannot tell why, that all his arts and aspirations are in vain. It will seldom be necessary for you to tell him verbally of his failure; but should such a one blindly insist upon intruding his attentions, do not hesitate to tell him kindly but firmly your decision. Should your suitor be one who is worthy, who will make you happy, this same blessed instinct will whisper in your soul the happy news. From the first interview there is frequently thrown around the maiden a peculiar, undefined spell; she will feel differently in his presence, and watch him with other eyes than she has for the rest of men, and in due time, when he shall ask her to decide upon the question which shall seal the temporal and eternal destiny of two human souls, she will gladly respond, giving in loving trustfulness that which is the most precious, the most enviable thing on earth: a maiden's heart, a woman's love.

Many persons, of both sexes, however amiable and pure their minds may be, should conscientiously abstain from marriage. This applies to all who have a tendency to consumption, scrofula, insanity, or any other of those diseases which are so frequently transmitted to offspring. This very important matter is not sufficiently known, and therefore is not attended to as it ought to be; hence the great amount of sickness and early death among children.

The tendency to inherit qualities is very evident in the case of drunkards, whose children are often inclined to practice the vice of their parents. The children of the blind, and of the deaf and dumb, are also liable to be afflicted as their parents were. These facts go far to show that it is literally true that the sins of the fathers are visited upon the children. It is, however, gratifying to know—and there are many well-attested cases to prove it—that whereas the children born to a man while he was addicted to drunkenness were similarly addicted to that vice, those born after he gave up his vicious indulgence, and by that means improved his bodily health, were free from the evil tendency.

One strong reason

WHY NEAR RELATIONS SHOULD NOT INTERMARRY

is that, as the same general tendencies prevail in families, when the parents are nearly related they are very likely to have the same evil tendency, whatever that may be; and, therefore, there is a great probability that their children will also have the same, but more strongly developed, and, consequently, the difficulty of their overcoming it will be much increased.

How plainly, then, is it the duty of those about to marry, as well as of those who are married, to strive to their utmost, with God's help, to overcome disorderly habits of every kind; for, be assured, it is only by such means they can hope to be blessed with good and healthy children, and thereby contribute to their own happiness, and at the same time to the improvement of the race as subjects both of this world and of heaven.

As it is by no means certain that you will marry, and the time may come when it will no longer be convenient to your parents to support you, it will be good for you, keeping these contingencies in mind, to qualify yourself to earn your own maintenance by some honest industry. You will then have a right feeling of independence, and not be tempted to marry, as too many young women do, not from the true principle of sincere affection, but mainly for a living. They may thus obtain a competence, and jog on comfortably, but they have no right to expect that genuine happiness which I recommend you to aim at. When, too, you see so many left widows, with small families, and, as we say, totally unprovided for, you will become sensible of the soundness of the advice I am offering you. As the Lord's tender mercies are over all His works, it is evident, from what is occurring around us, that trouble and adversity are better suited to the state of some people, to prepare them for their eternal destination, than any amount of prosperity would be. The poor are no less His children than the rich, and he cares equally—that is, infinitely—for them all. It is certainly wise, then, to be prepared to meet adversity, should He suffer it to come upon you.

Again, suppose you should not have any suitable offer of marriage, such as you would feel it your duty to accept, you are not on that account to be disheartened, and fancy yourself overlooked by Providence.

Single life is evidently the best for some persons; they escape many troubles which perhaps they would find it very hard to bear. There are many ways in which single people can lead a useful life, and be

AS HAPPY AS THE DAY IS LONG.

No one that is actively useful can be unhappy. What do you see around you? Many, I admit, who are not so happy as we should like them to be; but in most cases, if we could fully investigate the matter, it would perhaps be found to have arisen from their thinking too much about themselves and not enough for others. But, on the other hand, it not infrequently happens, when a woman is left, and sees that the support and welfare of herself and children depend on her own exertions, she is enabled to so successfully put forth her energies and to employ her talents which, till she needed them, she hardly knew she possessed, as to surprise both herself and the most sanguine of her friends.

Now, it must be confessed that we are fallen creatures, and therefore prone to evil. We are consequently always in danger of going wrong and forming bad habits, but our Heavenly Father watches over us at all times and gives us power to “refuse the evil and choose the good.” We are, I know full well, too much inclined to yield to evil influences; still, as we always have divine aid if we implore it, I am not sure that, on the whole, it is not as easy to acquire good habits as bad ones. This much is certain, that whichever we acquire, they are likely to remain with us and are not easily to be got rid of.

Among the subjects deserving attention as affecting our happiness is one on which, perhaps, I am not entitled to say much. I refer to dress. Now, I hold it to be a duty for people to dress well—that is, according to their position, means, and age; and this not so much for their own sakes as for the sake of giving pleasure to others. It is, I admit, difficult to determine how much of one's income should be devoted to dress, but I think few will deny that at present dress occupies too much time, attention, and money. For my own part, I confess I am most affected by female dress, and although certainly I like to see women well dressed, and would rather see them a little too fine than slovenly, I am often pained at witnessing the extravagance and, to me, ridiculous taste exhibited. Whenever I see a handsome and expensive dress trailing in the dirt, I regard it as culpable waste and in bad taste, and when I see it accidentally trodden on I am not sorry. I am inclined to believe that many women can hardly find time or opportunity to perform any useful duty; they have quite as much as they, poor things, can do to take care of their dress. I also believe (and this is the serious point of the matter) that many a young man is deterred from soliciting a maiden in marriage by knowing that his means would not enable him to let her dress as he is accustomed to see her, and this is doubtless one of the many reasons why so many of both sexes remain unmarried. I hold, too, that whatever forms an obstacle to marriage has a tendency at the same time to obstruct the entrance to heaven.

I will now allude to some of the duties which will devolve upon you as a wife; and recollect that it is on the faithful discharge of these duties that your happiness, here and hereafter, mainly depends. All labor is honorable, and you know who it is that says, “My Father worketh hitherto, and I work.” Being married, you must make your husband feel

“THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME.”

His business will probably take him from home most of the day, and it should be your care, as I doubt not it will be your delight, to see to his comfort, both before he starts and when he returns. It may sometimes happen in his fighting the battle of life that he has to encounter much that is unpleasant, and he may return home depressed. You will then have to cheer him, and be assured no one can do it so effectually, so pleasantly—aye, and so easily—as yourself.

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