The School for Scandal - Richard Brinsley Sheridan (reading strategies book txt) 📗

Sneerwell Sir Peter, you are not going to leave us? Sir Peter Your ladyship must excuse me; I’m called away by particular business. But I leave my character behind me. Exit Sir Peter. Sir Benjamin Well⁠—certainly Lady Teazle, that lord of yours is a strange being: I could tell you some stories of him would make you laugh heartily if he were not your husband. Lady Teazle Oh, pray don’t mind that; come, do let’s hear them. Exeunt all but Joseph Surface and Maria. Joseph Surface Maria, I see you have no satisfaction in this society. Maria How is it possible I should?⁠—If to raise malicious smiles at the infirmities or misfortunes of those who have never injured us be the province of wit or humour, Heaven grant me a double portion of dullness! Joseph Surface Yet they appear more ill-natured than they are; they have no malice at heart. Maria Then is their conduct still more contemptible; for, in my opinion, nothing could excuse the intemperance of their tongues but a natural and uncontrollable bitterness of mind. Joseph Surface Undoubtedly, madam; and it has always been a sentiment of mine, that to propagate a malicious truth wantonly is more despicable than to falsify from revenge. But can you, Maria, feel thus for others, and be unkind to me alone? Is hope to be denied the tenderest passion? Maria Why will you distress me by renewing this subject? Joseph Surface Ah, Maria! you would not treat me thus, and oppose your guardian, St. Peter’s will, but that I see that profligate Charles is still a favoured rival! Maria Ungenerously urged! But, whatever my sentiments are for that unfortunate young man, be assured I shall not feel more bound to give him up, because his distresses have lost him the regard even of a brother. Joseph Surface Nay, but, Maria, do not leave me with a frown: by all that’s honest, I swear⁠—Kneels. Reenter Lady Teazle behind. Aside. Gad’s life, here’s Lady Teazle. — Aloud to Maria. You must not⁠—no, you shall not⁠—for, though I have the greatest regard for Lady Teazle⁠— Maria Lady Teazle! Joseph Surface Yet were Sir Peter to suspect⁠— Lady Teazle Coming forward. What is this, pray? Does he take her for me?⁠—Child, you are wanted in the next room. — Exit Maria. What is all this, pray? Joseph Surface Oh, the most unlucky circumstance in nature! Maria has somehow suspected the tender concern I have for your happiness, and threatened to acquaint Sir Peter with her suspicions, and I was just endeavouring to reason with her when you came in. Lady Teazle Indeed! but you seemed to adopt a very tender mode of reasoning⁠—do you usually argue on your knees? Joseph Surface Oh, she’s a child, and I thought a little bombast⁠—But, Lady Teazle, when are you to give me your judgment on my library, as you promised? Lady Teazle No, no; I begin to think it would be imprudent, and you know I admit you as a lover no farther than fashion requires. Joseph Surface True⁠—a mere Platonic cicisbeo⁠—what every wife is entitled to. Lady Teazle Certainly, one must not be out of the fashion. — However, I have so many of my country prejudices left, that, though Sir Peter’s ill-humour may vex me ever so, it never shall provoke me to⁠— Joseph Surface The only revenge in your power. — Well, I applaud your moderation. Lady Teazle Go⁠—you are an insinuating wretch! But we shall be missed⁠—let us join the company. Joseph Surface But we had best not return together. Lady Teazle Well, don’t stay; for Maria shan’t come to hear any more of your reasoning, I promise you. Exit. Joseph Surface A curious dilemma, truly, my politics have run me into! I wanted, at first, only to ingratiate myself with Lady Teazle, that she might not be my enemy with Maria; and I have, I don’t know how, become her serious lover. Sincerely I begin to wish I had never made such a point of gaining so very good a character, for it has led me into so many cursed rogueries that I doubt I shall be exposed at last. Exit. Scene III

A room in Sir Peter Teazle’s house.

Enter Sir Oliver Surface and Rowley. Sir Oliver Ha! ha! ha! so my old friend is married, hey?⁠—a young wife out of the country. Ha! ha! ha! that he should have stood bluff to old bachelor so long, and sink into a husband at last! Rowley But you must not rally him on the subject, Sir Oliver; ’tis a tender point. I assure you, though he has been married only seven months. Sir Oliver Then he has been just half a year on the stool of repentance!⁠—Poor Peter! But you say he has entirely given up Charles⁠—never sees him, hey? Rowley His prejudice against him is astonishing, and I am sure greatly increased by a jealousy of him with Lady Teazle, which he has industriously been led into by a scandalous society in the neighbourhood, who have contributed not a little to Charles’s ill name. Whereas, the truth is, I believe, if the lady is partial to either of them, his brother is the favourite. Sir Oliver Ay, I know there is a set of malicious, prating, prudent gossips, both male and female, who murder characters to kill time, and will rob a young fellow of his good name before he has years to know the value of it. — But I am not to be prejudiced against my nephew by such, I promise you!⁠—No, no; if Charles has done nothing false or mean, I shall compound for his extravagance. Rowley Then, my life on’t, you will reclaim him.⁠—Ah, sir, it gives me new life to find that your heart is not turned against him, and that the son of my good old master has one friend, however, left. Sir Oliver What! shall I forget, Master Rowley, when I was at his years myself? Egad, my brother and I were neither of us very prudent youths; and yet, I believe, you have not seen many