The School for Scandal - Richard Brinsley Sheridan (reading strategies book txt) 📗

pity him as much as you please; but give your heart and hand to a worthier object. Maria Never to his brother! Sir Peter Go, perverse and obstinate! But take care, madam; you have never yet known what the authority of a guardian is: don’t compel me to inform you of it. Maria I can only say you shall not have just reason. ’T is true, by my father’s will, I am for a short period bound to regard you as his substitute; but must cease to think you so, when you would compel me to be miserable. Exit Maria. Sir Peter Was ever man so crossed as I am? everything conspiring to fret me! I had not been involved in matrimony a fortnight, before her father, a hale and hearty man, died, on purpose, I believe, for the pleasure of plaguing me with the care of his daughter. — Lady Teazle sings without. But here comes my helpmate! She appears in great good humour. How happy I should be if I could tease her into loving me, though but a little! Enter Lady Teazle. Lady Teazle Lud! Sir Peter, I hope you haven’t been quarrelling Maria? It is not using me well to be ill-humoured when I am not by. Sir Peter Ah, Lady Teazle, you might have the power to make me good-humoured at all times. Lady Teazle I am sure I wish I had; for I want you to be in a charming sweet temper at this moment. Do be good-humoured now, and let me have two hundred pounds, will you? Sir Peter Two hundred pounds; what, an’t I to be in a good humour without paying for it! But speak to me thus, and i’ faith there’s nothing I could refuse you. You shall have it; but seal me a bond for the repayment. Lady Teazle Oh, no⁠—there⁠—my note of hand will do as well. Offering her hand. Sir Peter And you shall no longer reproach me with not giving you an independent settlement. I mean shortly to surprise you:⁠—but shall we always live thus, hey? Lady Teazle If you please. I’m sure I don’t care how soon we leave off quarrelling, provided you’ll own you were tired first. Sir Peter Well⁠—then let our future contest be, who shall be most obliging. Lady Teazle I assure you, Sir Peter, good nature becomes you. You look now as you did before we were married, when you used to walk with me under the elms, and tell me stories of what a gallant you were in your youth, and chuck me under the chin, you would; and ask me if I thought I could love an old fellow who would deny me nothing⁠—didn’t you? Sir Peter Yes, yes, and you were as kind and attentive⁠— Lady Teazle Ay, so I was, and would always take your part, when my acquaintance used to abuse you, and turn you into ridicule. Sir Peter Indeed! Lady Teazle Ay, and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff, peevish old bachelor, and laughed at me for thinking of marrying one who might be my father, I have always defended you⁠—and said, I didn’t think you so ugly by any means. Sir Peter Thank you. Lady Teazle And I dared say you’d make a very good sort of a husband. Sir Peter And you prophesied right; and we shall now be the happiest couple⁠— Lady Teazle And never differ again? Sir Peter No, never!11⁠—though at the same time, indeed, my dear Lady Teazle, you must watch your temper very seriously; for in all our little quarrels, my dear, if you recollect, my love, you always began first. Lady Teazle I beg your pardon, my dear Sir Peter: indeed you always gave the provocation. Sir Peter Now see, my angel! take care⁠—contradicting isn’t the way to keep friends. Lady Teazle Then don’t you begin it, my love! Sir Peter There, now! you⁠—you are going on. You don’t perceive, my life, that you are just doing the very thing which you know always makes me angry. Lady Teazle Nay, you know if you will be angry without any reason, my dear⁠— Sir Peter There! now you want to quarrel again. Lady Teazle No, I’m sure I don’t: but if you will be so peevish⁠— Sir Peter There now! who begins first? Lady Teazle Why, you, to be sure. I said nothing⁠—but there’s no bearing your temper. Sir Peter No, no, madam: the fault’s in your own temper. Lady Teazle Ay, you are just what my cousin Sophy said you would be. Sir Peter Your cousin Sophy is a forward, impertinent gipsy. Lady Teazle You are a great bear, I’m sure, to abuse my relations. Sir Peter Now may all the plagues of marriage be doubled on me, if ever I try to be friends with you any more! Lady Teazle So much the better. Sir Peter No, no, madam: ’tis evident you never cared a pin for me, and I was a madman to marry you⁠—a pert, rural coquette, that had refused half the honest ’squires in the neighbourhood! Lady Teazle And I am sure I was a fool to marry you⁠—an old dangling bachelor, who was single at fifty, only because he never could meet with anyone who would have him. Sir Peter Ay, ay, madam; but you were pleased enough to listen to me: you never had such an offer before. Lady Teazle No! didn’t I refuse Sir Tivy Terrier, who everybody said would have been a better match? for his estate is just as good as yours, and he has broke his neck since we have been married. Sir Peter I have done with you, madam! You are an unfeeling, ungrateful⁠—but there’s an end of everything. I believe you capable of everything that is bad. Yes, madam, I now believe the reports relative to you and Charles, madam. Yes, madam, you and Charles are⁠—not without grounds⁠— Lady Teazle Take care, Sir Peter! you had better not insinuate any such thing! I’ll not be suspected without cause, I promise you. Sir Peter Very well, madam! very well! A separate maintenance as soon as you please. Yes, madam, or