Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) by Sarah Duncan (red seas under red skies txt) 📗

like that for a long time, on the floor of the little bathroom. The other boys don’t interrupt us, which I’m grateful for. I decide to let my stupid weakness out, for now, determined that tomorrow when I wake, I will keep it locked away forever and never let it free again.

CHAPTER FIVE

Have you ever had that feeling when you wake up from having a night on the booze that you think you did something you shouldn’t have, but you just can’t remember? It takes me a few minutes to try to sort through the bits and pieces floating through my head before I recall what I did. Honestly, last night was a clusterfuck of regrets.

Firstly, I regret grabbing Simon’s phone and calling Abbey. I think I would have rather not know just a little longer. I can handle Tasha and Allison and whoever else is going against me. But Abbey? No. It’s something I don’t know how to deal with, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Abbey not responding to my texts, emails, and calls obviously has nothing to do with her parents like I initially thought and everything to do with Tasha’s vendetta against me. The only problem is, it’s so out of character for Abbey.

Secondly, I regret drinking so much alcohol. Yes, I had a fun night which I really needed, but the fun had to end, and it was my pathetic alcohol weakened emotions that ended it. Getting drunk broke down my walls, and I let the guys see my broken heart. I wish I hadn’t. My broken heart is for me and me alone to bear. Now, these amazing five guys know I let myself fall for Ayden and let myself get hurt.

Thirdly, and at this point, this is the biggest regret that I’m sure a lot of people have to deal with after a night on the drink… The drunk text!

Fuck me. I sent a drunk text!

Trying to be quiet so I don’t wake any of the boys, I sit up on the couch I claimed as my bed and pull out my phone from my hoodie pocket. Taking a deep breath, I hesitate to open it. I almost don’t want to confirm my worst fear. Of course, I give in because curiosity has the better of me. When I unlock my phone, it’s still open in the messages.

Oh, my god! I sent a drunk text to Ayden!

Lexi West

Firstly, your cousin is a good guy.

I wish you hadn’t told me about his crush on me, because now I can tell!!!!!!!!

He doesn’t know, I know, though. So there’s no awkwardness… Well kind of.

But still, it would have been better not knowing.

Like, did you know he fucked Tasha, and while he was boning her, he was thinking of me?

That’s fucked up!! EXTRA!!!

B) My friends are weirdos, but I love them for it.

Yes, they all have penises, but I’ve learnt that penises are better than vaginas.

Vaginas are bitches that are going to get what’s coming to them!

One vagina in particular. Tasha!

I don’t know what I’ve done to piss her off, but the cow has it out for me, apparently.

Did you know she has turned Abbey against me?

That’s another vagina that isn’t worth my time!

3. Alcohol is a trick to make people weak, and I will not fall for its trickery again!

C. I’m sorry too.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

I am a loser! A pathetic, worthless loser! No wonder Ayden hasn’t replied to my message. He’s probably thanking his lucky stars that things ended with us when they did.

I need the earth to open up and let me fall into its deep dark depths now.

Jesus Lexi!

Hating myself, I creep off the couch and carefully climb over Garrett’s sleeping form on the floor of the rumpus room. He slept at the foot of the couch I was on, effectively protecting me the same way that Jared had the night before. Garrett’s chiselled face is usually twisted in brooding anger, with his big smile only reserved for those closest to him. Now, however, his handsome features are soft, not angry, not happy, just relaxed. He almost looks innocent. I like seeing him free of his internal torment for once. I know he struggles. I also know he tries to hide it from everyone. Perhaps we are more alike than I thought.

I tiptoe out of the large rumpus room, leaving behind the faint snores of my friends in search of a shower. I desperately need to wash away last night and pull myself together and get my shit sorted. It takes me a few minutes to navigate the mansion Simon lives in. I have no idea what his parents do for a living, but whatever it is, I wish they’d share their secret to success. It must be nice to live in such luxury.

Finally, finding two bathrooms on the second floor, I choose the one that looks more like a guest bathroom. The other looks like it’s Simon’s bathroom, and it just feels too weird to use it. Of all the stupid things I did last night, I remember thinking that I would allow myself the night to be emotional, and then push it down and never let it out again as of today. So, that’s what I do. I push thoughts of Ayden to the back of my mind, even further back than Mike and my dad, because I need the anger they bring to keep me strong, to keep me focused.

Stripping down quickly, I try to ignore the nerves that poke at me each time I use a shower. I had little trouble showering when I stayed with Ayd… that guy and his parents in Melbourne. Since coming back home, though, it’s been a daily struggle.

Glancing back at the bathroom door, I double-check that it’s closed. There’s no lock on the door, but the guys will hear the shower running and know not to come in, so I turn and step under