Solid Gold Cowboy - Maisey Yates (read ebook pdf .TXT) 📗

But I can’t be in between. I just can’t. I love you too much to let either of us accept that.”

She blinked. “You didn’t want to ask me not to marry him because you were afraid you were being selfish. Well, I’m asking you to change. For me. And maybe I am being selfish, but maybe it needs to be said.”

“I can’t,” he said.

He looked tortured. He looked like he wanted to say yes, but couldn’t. And for the life of her, Jordan couldn’t understand that.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Me too,” she whispered.

Laz set the box down, turned and walked out of the apartment. And she somehow knew when he closed the door, he wouldn’t be opening it again.

Jordan stared blankly ahead. But she didn’t want French fries. And she didn’t want a milkshake. And she didn’t want to drive aimlessly for hours while she decided what to do.

She’d made her decision. And she knew she made the right one. Because while she had kept herself on a short leash, doubted her instincts and always secretly believed that she was a bad person inside, waiting to come out and ruin everything she’d built, she just...didn’t think that anymore. She was a woman. One who deserved everything. One who deserved love, one who deserved to feel confident in her decisions.

She was a woman taking a risk.

A woman who was trying to put herself on the road to having everything.

And if she had to take this risk to get there, then so be it.

And even though she was left bereft and sad, and so lonely feeling, she also felt more resolute than she ever had before.

Because she was no longer a prisoner of those words her father had spoken to her all those years ago.

She was free. And with freedom came some pain that she wished would go away. But she hoped she’d be able to overcome.

But in that pain, in that moment came clarity.

She was Jordan Whitfield. And she was not going to be defined by the words of other people. She was going to define herself. Going to define her own life.

And she was going to stand on her own two feet. Because that was the strength that Laz had given her.

Because he had shown her that shelters existed that could expand to accommodate her. And even though that was the gift that had broken them apart, it was also the gift that had made her strong enough to ask for what they both needed.

Now all she had to do was have faith.

And since Laz had always felt like fate, she had to trust that in the end it would work out okay.

A lot of trust for a woman who had never really seen it work out before. She knew how hard life could be.

But she wanted to know just how beautiful it would be.

And this was the only way.

CHAPTER SEVEN

LAZ WAS IN a foul temper, and he wasn’t in the mood to talk to any of his bar patrons, which he knew was a big no-no, but he didn’t much care. He shouldn’t be at the bar. Not if he couldn’t get it together.

“Another drink.”

He turned around and tried to force a smile, only to see West Caldwell standing there, along with Ryder Daniels and Logan Heath. He had advised all three men on their romantic issues in the last year. And he was not happy to see them. Grinning, with wedding rings firmly on their fingers. “Comin’ up.”

“You don’t look so good,” West said.

“Agreed,” Logan said.

Ryder didn’t say anything, he only nodded. But then, Ryder was bound by strict codes of honor, and most certainly to not meddling in other people’s business, so it stood to reason that he hadn’t verbally chimed in.

“Everything’s fine,” Laz said, lying through his teeth.

“Is it? It’s just that I heard that Jordan from Sugar Cup ran off and didn’t get married, and that she was shacked up with you.”

“This town is a scourge.”

“Yeah, but generally reliable when it comes to gossip. So is that true?” West pressed.

“True enough,” he said. “She’s my friend, and she was on some hard times. I offered to help out.”

“Right. That’s how I always offer to help my friends. Little friendly bunking together,” West said.

“If I recall right,” Ryder said. “That is how you helped my sister.”

“And look how that turned out,” West said, grinning.

That wasn’t exactly true. West had become his now wife’s landlord by default. And that had forced them into a proximity where things had gotten friendly real quick.

“She was staying with me, now she’s not. She’s renting a room above the bar, in fact. No gossip to be had there.”

“Is that why you’re in a bad mood? Because you’re definitely not in the mood of a kinda man who’s getting regularly laid,” Logan pointed out.

Well, he had been getting regularly laid. Actually until yesterday.

But it wasn’t about that. Of course it wasn’t. But Jordan didn’t understand. She didn’t understand that...

That what? You’re not willing to change? Is that really what it comes down to?

No. There was some clawing, burning fear that kept snarling in his chest, and he couldn’t define it any more than he could fight it.

“Should tell us what’s going on,” Logan said. “It’s only fair. After all... You helped enough people over the last few years that you deserve a little help with your own.”

“And we wouldn’t be any kind of friends if we didn’t stick our oar in.”

Laz could only stare. Because this was the last thing he’d ever expected. That all those conversations he had over the years in the bar might actually come back and benefit him. That they wouldn’t forget his happiness.

He’d seen it as a no-cost business transaction, but that wasn’t how they were treating it.

And maybe... Maybe that was it. Maybe he’d been lying to himself all this time. Maybe he wasn’t half so solitary as he believed. Maybe never had been.

“She’s in love with me,” he said. “But I... I’m set in my