Solid Gold Cowboy - Maisey Yates (read ebook pdf .TXT) 📗

ways. I live alone. I like things done my way.”

“That’s dumb,” West said. “I would do things any kind of way if I could keep Pansy in my life. We could do them her way, hell, we could do them the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh’s way, I don’t care. Whatever she wants, I’m all in. Because I’m not happy if she’s not happy. I’m not happy if she’s not with me.”

“Same,” Logan said.

“Same,” Ryder said.

“My parents have a terrible marriage,” Laz said. “That house growing up was miserable. The never had time for anybody but themselves, and they resented their relationship as much as they resented me. I just don’t have any desire to live that kind of life.”

It was West who looked at him just a little too acutely. “Do you not want to live like them? Or do you just want to go back to living like you already do? Is it just not wanting to need someone a little more than they need you?”

That landed. Right square in his chest. And he felt... Well, he felt damned foolish.

Because it was true. He had moved out of the home where nobody seemed to want or need him, and into his grandmother’s house where he’d been able to help. And she had to accept, whether she liked to be solitary or not. And then he’d started work at this bar, where he gave advice, and everybody valued him. Either for his ability to dole out whiskey or sympathy. But taking back... That was what got him. That was what was so difficult.

“I...”

“I didn’t take you for a coward, Laz,” Logan said quietly.

“You were all cowards first.”

“Not me,” Ryder said.

“Really?”

His brothers-in-law were staring at him. “You were coward enough while you loved Sammy for seventeen years and didn’t say anything. Just because she’s the one who left you right before you worked everything out...”

“Fine,” Ryder said. “But the point is. Fearing change doesn’t much get you anywhere. You gotta be willing to change with life, or it’s just going to run you over. So you can keep yourself safe in one way, but it’s not going to protect you from the heartbreak of not having her.”

“So... What? You just...say yes, knowing that in the end it could destroy you?”

But he already knew the answer to that. Because it was the answer that every single person in his bar had found over the years.

The conclusion they’d all come to.

It was just that simple. And that hard.

To say yes instead of say no. To protect yourself instead of running scared.

“Sure. But you hope. And you love. In between those two things... It can turn out pretty great,” West said.

And he knew it was true. Because he was looking at the evidence right in front of him. Because the evidence had been in and out of his bar for years. Carved into the wall of his bar bathroom. Even though he’d asked them to cut that shit out. But that was just it. It worked all around him all the time. And sometimes it didn’t. It hadn’t in his home, no matter that his parents had stayed together. And they’d made him feel... Well, they’d made him feel like he didn’t matter, and he had never wanted to go back to that.

But Jordan made him feel like he mattered. And she had from the beginning. And what the hell did it matter what had come before if they could decide what came after? Because that bullshit was just like what her father had put on her. Telling her that she was doomed because of who her parents were? He knew enough to know that wasn’t true of her. So why couldn’t it be just as untrue of him?

“Keep an eye on the bar,” Laz said.

He took the inside staircase and went right up to the apartment, pounding on the door. Jordan opened it, looking wary. “What do you want?”

And he didn’t say anything. He just pulled her into his arms, because it was what he wanted to do. Because he hadn’t held her for days, and he was sick of it.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry that you had to be the brave one.”

“You are?” The question was muffled against his chest.

“Yes. You deserve better than that from me.” He held his arms out straight, looked into her eyes. “I love you.”

It wasn’t a revelation. It didn’t shock him. But it did make him feel... Like a piece of himself that had been missing for a long damned time was finally in place.

“And I will turn my whole life upside down. I will paint the inside of my house pink, I will get a cat, I will do whatever the hell you want if you will be with me. I don’t need my time, I don’t need my space. What I need is you, Jordan. And I had to be brave enough to say that. Say that I needed someone. Because I’m a hell of a lot more comfortable with other people needing me.”

“Laz,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. “You know what, I’m glad I had to be brave. Because it made me realize something. I’ve had myself on probation for years. I’m tired of it. And that’s what gave me the strength to tell you to go away until you sorted yourself out.”

“Was actually West and Ryder and Logan that sorted me out.”

“When?”

“Just now.”

“In the bar?”

“In the bar,” he confirmed.

“That’s... Well, I think that’s no less than you deserved.”

“Thank you. You know, my parents might not have been as terrible as yours. But they made me feel like I didn’t matter. I never wanted to feel that again.”

She put her hand on his face. “You won’t. Because you matter to me. And even more importantly you taught me that I need to matter to me. That my own feelings matter.”

“I love you, Jordan. I have from the first moment you walked into my bar. And the real