Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men by Wonderly, Morgan (best e ink reader for manga .txt) 📗

door to our heart more than we can for ourselves. He can add more safety, happiness, support, and fulfillment to our lives. Good men see to it that our needs and desires are met. They even enjoy taking care of our simplest needs—for example, when they bring us coffee in bed, open our car door, put gas in our car, or carry our heavy groceries. Of course we are capable of performing these acts ourselves, but we feel nurtured and honored when a man does them for us.

“Needing” is Not the Same as “Neediness”

Regrettably, our society has conflated the word need with neediness, making both words seem weak and undesirable. But there is a big difference between a “needy” woman and a woman who needs her man.

A “needy” woman pulls energy from her man until he is depleted. She’s more of a taker than a gracious receiver. She appears to be a bottomless pit who is never satisfied. She is never happy. For a man, this is death to the relationship because his main objective is to make his woman happy. Eventually he feels so used up that he is unable to send any more energy her way. Both partners in such a codependent relationship end up drained of their energy.

By contrast, a woman who needs her man in a healthy way comes from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. She understands her limitations and can admit her need for a complementary energy from a place of courage and receptivity. She can bravely say that she needs her man because he can do things she can’t do or has no desire to do. He adds much value to her life.

Needing Each Other Is Mother Nature’s Design

It is in our nature to need each other. Aristotle once said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” When two people unite, their effort and energy create a greater synergistic result. A man and woman working together in a relationship are many times more effective than when working separately.

If our strengths were all the same, how could we help each other? We are all created with different strengths and limitations. There is no shame in acknowledging that and celebrating the opportunity this represents to bring us together. Sharing life with the right man not only makes our lives easier, it can make our lives more fun.

As a species, we are safer together than alone. Some may be surprised to learn that humans are among the weakest animal species. Of all the animals, human babies are helpless for the longest period of time—unlike, say, newborn colts that stand up almost immediately after birth. Fortunately, our human intelligence and our ability to form couples, families, tribes, and communities give us advantages over the rest of the animal kingdom.

Beneath Every Want Is a Need

Needs underlie all human action. If we want to travel the world, we may have an underlying need for freedom, expansion, or to satisfy our curiosity. Whenever we want anything, even a new pair of designer heels, that desire always represents a deeper need. For instance, the need to feel attractive and admired by others may underlie the desire to be fashionable. Underneath the need to be attractive and admired may be a need for security or love.

We have two basic needs: physical survival and emotional fulfillment. Even our desire to thrive is based on these two primary needs. We don’t need luxuries like expensive clothes or exotic cars to survive, but we think they’ll make us happy, attractive and even more loveable. If we pursue luxuries as a means to temporarily experience a thrill, excitement, or delight, they may serve us well. If we are trying to find inner contentment or love through them, we may find only empty feelings, as material luxuries cannot meet these higher needs.

The Myth of Our Independence

“The woman’s movement brought us independence but it did not bring us love.”

– Dr. Patricia Allen, Author of Getting to ‘I Do’

On a recent solo road trip to Northern California and just before I was to head back home to San Diego, my iPhone crashed while I was in unfamiliar territory. It could not have happened at a worse time. I felt lost almost immediately. A feeling of panic came over me as I realized how dependent I’d become on my little smartphone. I had no GPS for my trip back to San Diego. I had no Google to find a Chipotle for dinner on my way home. I had no phone to contact anyone in the event of a breakdown or to tell my friends I had arrived safely. I had to ask complete strangers for the time and for directions. It didn’t take long for me to realize how much I needed others; I was so thankful that a few kind strangers were there to help. The experience served to remind me how fragile our technology can be and how helpless we can feel when we lose its false sense of security.

We can become complacent with all the conveniences we’ve come to take for granted. So when we come to realize the fragility of these structures and how quickly they can all come apart for a variety of reasons, we can start to feel our vulnerability. Some of us have forgotten that most of these conveniences were invented by men, to please us women by making our lives easier and safer. For example, if we ever suffered a natural catastrophe that took down our electrical grid or transportation infrastructure, we could be back to primitive conditions within a remarkably short amount of time. Deprived of our conveniences, most of us would feel grateful to have physically and emotionally strong men around to help. By keeping this in mind, we can feel a sense of gratitude toward men for their contributions to our lives, both in the form of conveniences that we rely on, and for potential help they can provide whenever we